Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did do that for years but then got tired of being the only one to make an effort. Does nobody else feel sad if their husband ignores the holiday when you have already told him it makes you sad?

I understand. It does suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

+1 OP is a petulant child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

Not that PP but normal people don’t act like immature brats because they didn’t get a trinket for a Valentine’s Day. We are past preschool. Embarrassing that people like you could be parents. Moping around because you didn’t get something stupid for a stupid silly day is ridiculous and not acting like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

You remind me of an ex who argued to argue. What a miserable person and relationship it was.

When something costs you almost nothing but will make your partner happy, you do it. You don't waste mental energy rationalizing reasons why you shouldn't. It's such an easy way to bank some goodwill.

I can see why your ex didn't want to participate in your little control dramas. If it's such a little thing, you shouldn't be hanging your happiness on it. What a manipulative, controlling way to treat a person you love, demanding that they fulfill your every little desire "to make you happy".

You can't make other people happy. Some people choose to be miserable no matter what others do. You sound like one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP is anticipating the sadness over getting nothing for Valentine's Day, yet again, but inexplicably refuses to act in any way that will change the predictable outcome. Instead, she prefers to wallow in her misery and post on playing the martyr than from doing the real work of marriage, which is communication and compromise. Not as glamorous, you see.

You really deserve your misery, OP. You created it for yourself.

How did OP create her own misery…..?
You must feel really good about your own life since you just get off being mean to others.

DP but future-tripping and getting riled up in advance over things that haven't even happened yet don't sound like paths to happiness to me.

I agree with the PP. OP is putting their energy exactly where they want it: conflict and disappointment. She'll get what she's seeking, and then she'll probably act like it's someone else's fault. It's immature and not a healthy way to treat herself or her partner, and PP is wise, not mean, to point that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

You clearly drank the hallmark holiday kool-aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are how old? This sounds like teen girl diary stuff.

This. Geez. Get yourself a nice vibrator, wrap it up, and then buy some REALLY nice chocolates or a good bottle of your favorite wine -- make your own valentine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are how old? This sounds like teen girl diary stuff.

This. Geez. Get yourself a nice vibrator, wrap it up, and then buy some REALLY nice chocolates or a good bottle of your favorite wine -- make your own valentine.

Thats boring.

She wants male affection and that is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Whenever you find yourself wanting this, you know you've hit a dead end.

[Anonymous]

OT but what are these "nice chocolates"? I can't find any since our local place shut down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

You clearly drank the hallmark holiday kool-aid.

Being a kind caring spouse =/= hallmark koolaid. Some of us enjoy making our partners happy, thankfully vice versa.

[Anonymous]

This is like crying because someone forgot your half-birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

Not that PP but normal people don’t act like immature brats because they didn’t get a trinket for a Valentine’s Day. We are past preschool. Embarrassing that people like you could be parents. Moping around because you didn’t get something stupid for a stupid silly day is ridiculous and not acting like an adult.

Found my STBX. Anything he doesn’t want to expend effort on is “irrational.”

But if he cares about it or isn’t the one putting in the effort but getting something? Suddenly the most important thing in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

If you have never had the thought “wow, my spouse/child might love this” you are clearly not thinking about your spouse/child enough.

Point blank. Period.

Normal people think about their families and enjoy making them happy. If you do not, you should not have a family. Or probably be around normal society ever again.

You clearly drank the hallmark holiday kool-aid.

Being a kind caring spouse =/= hallmark koolaid. Some of us enjoy making our partners happy, thankfully vice versa.

+1