Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend (who is married to a lawyer) buys 2 dozen roses herself from the place with the nicest flowers in town.

She also takes herself out to lunch as a treat.

She does the same for Mothers Day.

Treat yourself. Ultimately you are in charge of you.

How ridiculous. The prices for flowers are jacked up for vd and restaurants are miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If he wanted to he would"

The bar is literally in hell, and some men are bringing a shovel. Vday is the same day, every year, advertised nonstop since xmas. If someone won't make the 2s decision to pick up a box of chocolates at the grocery store or gas station when they're already there... well you aren't much of a consideration. And you should realize that life doesn't have to feel that way.

That wasn’t good enough for op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agree.
Seems bc most don’t celebrate OP shouldn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

This is going way too far. So many people I know think vd is bull sht so no. Also op doesn’t communicate like an adult about this. It’s hard not to judge an adult who cries in a corner over this joke of a holiday.

[Anonymous]

The control dramas in this thread are hilarious! You don't get to control other people's behavior, even on valentine's day. February 14th doesn't obligate anyone to buy anything. If it means something to you, you probably ought to analyze why, but people get to like what they like. Communicate like an adult and ask for what you want, with the adult understanding that nobody is required to give it to you.

This ridiculous nonsense of "he didn't grab a cheap whatever at the store so he sucks" is so petty and spiteful and stupid. If you want a cheap something, but it yourself. If you demand an expensive something, ask yourself why. Why are you entitled to some sort of spoils just because 2/14 rolled around again? Being mad at your spouse instead of unpacking your own (likely unspoken) expectations is weapons-grade projection and a recipe for conflict you could easily avoid.

A lot of y'all need emotional maturity and some damned perspective to go with it. Whiners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

Actually, you don't it's pretty easy. My husband and I celebrate our marriage a million times a year, just not on a forced holiday. Maybe focus on the real problems in your marriage, which seem to be plentiful, instead of a stupid made up holiday.

[Anonymous]

You are causing your own discontent. What makes you think this year will be any different from any of the other years? It won’t be any different but you are making yourself miserable remaining about it. Does he ignore you all the other days of the year? Why is this one so important – you know this is a commercial holiday made to increase the sale of cards and stamps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Was coming to post the same. It's not about the date or holiday, it's the fact that her DH doesn't put in a tiny bit of effort when he knows it's important to her. It's just a sign of a much bigger problem in their marriage.

If our husband doesn’t put any effort in to show how much he loves her ever not on January 17, not on February 5 not on May 12 then why is February 14 the only day that makes her depressed?

Or…. He puts an effort on other days of the month every month of the year. He’s a good husband, a good provider, helps around the house, is a good father but all of a sudden some corporation told you that he needs to do some lame flowers and chocolate on February 14.

Lame.

[Anonymous]

https://www.thefouragreements.com/the-mastery-of-love/

Please read this book. You will be happier in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

"Actually, you don't it's pretty easy. My husband and I celebrate our marriage a million times a year, just not on a forced holiday. Maybe focus on the real problems in your marriage, which seem to be plentiful, instead of a stupid made up holiday."

My husband and I celebrate our love ever day. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy joining in on the Valentine's fun and surprising one another with fun treats that make one another smile on 2/14. DH is a great cook and will be making an extravagant meal for us to enjoy Saturday night. We don't have something to prove. We aren't pretending that it's not Valentine's Day just so we can feel superior to the masses.

As someone who is fortunate to have a really lovely marriage, the last thing I'd want to do is be hurtful to OP who is already feeling low. Maybe your marriage is great, but you've definitely got some anger issues and it's not nice to take them out on OP.

FTR- It's not a made up holiday. It's celebrated in other countries too. I remember giving classmates Valentine's cards before Hallmark was a household word. In some countries, it's more of a friendship day as opposed to a romantic one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Actually, you don't it's pretty easy. My husband and I celebrate our marriage a million times a year, just not on a forced holiday. Maybe focus on the real problems in your marriage, which seem to be plentiful, instead of a stupid made up holiday."

My husband and I celebrate our love ever day. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy joining in on the Valentine's fun and surprising one another with fun treats that make one another smile on 2/14. DH is a great cook and will be making an extravagant meal for us to enjoy Saturday night. We don't have something to prove. We aren't pretending that it's not Valentine's Day just so we can feel superior to the masses.

As someone who is fortunate to have a really lovely marriage, the last thing I'd want to do is be hurtful to OP who is already feeling low. Maybe your marriage is great, but you've definitely got some anger issues and it's not nice to take them out on OP.

FTR- It's not a made up holiday. It's celebrated in other countries too. I remember giving classmates Valentine's cards before Hallmark was a household word. In some countries, it's more of a friendship day as opposed to a romantic one.

Good for you. It’s still a lame made up holiday. Not everyone likes it and clearly OPs H is one of them.

Op is creating a problem where one doesn’t need to exist.

Marriage 101 … don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, get on the same page, communicate your feelings, by yourself flowers.

[Anonymous]

It's such a small thing that matters to OP, but he refuses to take 10 minutes out of his day to order flowers or chocolates on Amazon? Clearly, there is a bigger problem.

An example men can relate to: I hate the Super Bowl. I think it's barbaric. But DH loves it, and I celebrate it with him by making appetizers. No big deal - he cares, and it's so easy to do a little gesture here to show him I care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

Ok, thank you! I feel like sometimes a post gets "picked up" by some reddit incels who jump on it to make a million posts about how women should be lowering their standards. I've seen it it in multiple types of threads, but always "why don't you just settle? That's how all men are" or some crap like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.