Already Depressed about Valentine's Day
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Anonymous
| For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday. |
Anonymous
| Why don’t you suggest doing something together instead of waiting for a gift that he will probably forget anyway? |
Anonymous
| OP, you are how old? This sounds like teen girl diary stuff. |
Anonymous
| So gift-giving and what it means to you both and love languages should be discussed 'before' a holiday to avoid triggers. Schedule a 30 min or so sit down and talk about it. Gifts don't mean much to me but I know others are different. |
Anonymous
| I used to tell him each year that we should do something nice like go out to dinner but he would just complain that the restaurants were crowded, which they were to be fair. The problem is more that he just doesn’t seem to care about my feelings. |
Anonymous
| It doesn’t have to be a gift. It could be going out to dinner or a movie or a different activity. But that doesn’t happen either. |
Anonymous
| Use your words. I think it's a stupid holiday, but if DH told me he'd appreciate something special on that day (or any other), I would take that to heart. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand why Valentine's day gets people all depressed and moody. Your husband isn't doing anything on the the other days of the year, either, and yet only on Feb 14th it's an issue? |
Anonymous
You can plan that yourself. Why wouldn't you? |
Anonymous
This. If you need special recognition on a fabricated holiday that represents love you need to take it into your own hands. Like a PP said, you have a love language that most of us can't comprehend but you are an adult and responsible for your own feelings. |
Anonymous
| I did do that for years but then got tired of being the only one to make an effort. Does nobody else feel sad if their husband ignores the holiday when you have already told him it makes you sad? |
Anonymous
This. OP has already made it clear that they've previously celebrated the day. Now the husband simply ignores. Re-visit with your husband or Plan a day or evening out with him or Come to terms that he's not going to participate or celebrate. Happy Valentines Day OP! |
Anonymous
|
My girlfriend (who is married to a lawyer) buys 2 dozen roses herself from the place with the nicest flowers in town.
She also takes herself out to lunch as a treat. She does the same for Mothers Day. Treat yourself. Ultimately you are in charge of you. |
Anonymous
| Thank you, PP! You too! |
Anonymous
| The bar is so low, man. |