Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If he wanted to he would"

The bar is literally in hell, and some men are bringing a shovel. Vday is the same day, every year, advertised nonstop since xmas. If someone won't make the 2s decision to pick up a box of chocolates at the grocery store or gas station when they're already there... well you aren't much of a consideration. And you should realize that life doesn't have to feel that way.

That wasn’t good enough for op.

He is giving her nothing, so I'm not sure why you say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's such a small thing that matters to OP, but he refuses to take 10 minutes out of his day to order flowers or chocolates on Amazon? Clearly, there is a bigger problem.

An example men can relate to: I hate the Super Bowl. I think it's barbaric. But DH loves it, and I celebrate it with him by making appetizers. No big deal - he cares, and it's so easy to do a little gesture here to show him I care.

Or more likely… I hate the Super Bowl. It’s barbaric so DH watches it alone or with friends and orders wings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

Another simple fixes to appreciate the other 250 things that they did for you throughout the year and not worry about this one little thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

Forget about all that and just give each other some nasty sex, That would help more than other meaningless stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

Another simple fixes to appreciate the other 250 things that they did for you throughout the year and not worry about this one little thing.

It doesn't sound like he celebrates her with 250 other things. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's such a small thing that matters to OP, but he refuses to take 10 minutes out of his day to order flowers or chocolates on Amazon? Clearly, there is a bigger problem.

An example men can relate to: I hate the Super Bowl. I think it's barbaric. But DH loves it, and I celebrate it with him by making appetizers. No big deal - he cares, and it's so easy to do a little gesture here to show him I care.

And if you didn’t and he whined about it, no one would (or should) take his side.

[Anonymous]

Op, it could be the other way around. I wanted to spend VD with my ex-gf last year but she wanted to spend her day working because she has a lot of debt. It's ok, we celebrated on 15th

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

I’d be more than happy to send you a pair of crotchless panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

Can you imagine OP in the checkout line at the grocery store?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like "wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em." It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix.

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

You remind me of an ex who argued to argue. What a miserable person and relationship it was.

When something costs you almost nothing but will make your partner happy, you do it. You don't waste mental energy rationalizing reasons why you shouldn't. It's such an easy way to bank some goodwill.

[Anonymous]

OP is anticipating the sadness over getting nothing for Valentine's Day, yet again, but inexplicably refuses to act in any way that will change the predictable outcome. Instead, she prefers to wallow in her misery and post on playing the martyr than from doing the real work of marriage, which is communication and compromise. Not as glamorous, you see.

You really deserve your misery, OP. You created it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

I know people will tell you that 💌 Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year & that it isn’t an important holiday, etc.

But I think it is a special day, set aside for people to focus on their romantic partners while at the same time letting their significant others know how much they are loved ➕ appreciated.

To not be acknowledged on this most romantic day can be very hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP is anticipating the sadness over getting nothing for Valentine's Day, yet again, but inexplicably refuses to act in any way that will change the predictable outcome. Instead, she prefers to wallow in her misery and post on playing the martyr than from doing the real work of marriage, which is communication and compromise. Not as glamorous, you see.

You really deserve your misery, OP. You created it for yourself.

How did OP create her own misery…..?
You must feel really good about your own life since you just get off being mean to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP is anticipating the sadness over getting nothing for Valentine's Day, yet again, but inexplicably refuses to act in any way that will change the predictable outcome. Instead, she prefers to wallow in her misery and post on playing the martyr than from doing the real work of marriage, which is communication and compromise. Not as glamorous, you see.

You really deserve your misery, OP. You created it for yourself.

How did OP create her own misery…..?
You must feel really good about your own life since you just get off being mean to others.

DP. She wants a different outcome than previous years and instead of talking to her DH she is having anticipatory dread and self pity about it. She is doing this to herself. Nothing will change. If she wants a cat, don't expect the dog to meow.