Reply to Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. [b]She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him.[/b] Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks. [/quote]
Agreed.

Like, don't you like your spouse? If doing something literally so small as buying a box of chocs or a flower bouquet from the grocery store will make your spouse happy and you actively choose against it, why are you even with them? Can you imagine someone being like [b]"wow, my kid would love this $10 item. Oh well, f*** em."[/b] It's so unnecessarily harsh when the answer is such a simple fix. [/quote]

If this is truly your interpretation, it highlights where the issue is. You could just as easily choose to be unbothered by the fact that your otherwise-fine spouse didn't bring you a snack and/or a trinket, right? Instead, you'd rather take it personally (when there's no evidence that it's personal), and lash out and overreact like a toddler.

[/quote]

You remind me of an ex who argued to argue.  What a miserable person and relationship it was.

When something costs you almost nothing but will make your partner happy, you do it.  You don't waste mental energy rationalizing reasons why you shouldn't.   It's such an easy way to bank some goodwill.   [/quote]

I can see why your ex didn't want to participate in your little control dramas. If it's such a little thing, you shouldn't be hanging your happiness on it. What a manipulative, controlling way to treat a person you love, demanding that they fulfill your every little desire "to make you happy".

You can't make other people happy. Some people choose to be miserable no matter what others do. You sound like one of them.[/quote]

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