Sister hits her BF - Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here again, yes this is real. I don’t know how to make her understand that what she’s doing isn’t okay. I’m not sure what’s going on—maybe it’s psychological or personality issues—but she won’t listen to me, our other siblings, or any family members, including my husband. I want her to get help. Her boyfriend isn’t the problem, they argue over little things that don’t matter. She’s been like this since her first relationship in high school, and she’s been in about five relationships since, they were all the same, so this behavior isn’t new.

So she is a serial abuser? Why haven't you called the police yet? You are complicit.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

No one said you can't defend yourself. OP did however say that her sister is the agressor multimple times with multiple men. So again, eff off and seek therapy you so desperately need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man. My ex wife hit me three times. It never hurt physically for more than a second or two, but it was extremely upsetting. Our child saw it once, and that was devastating to me. The child later said that we had been hitting each other, which was wrong.

Calling the police would not have helped anyone. I never considered doing that for one second.

Our friends never would have guessed that my ex wife had this problem. Her physically violent outbursts only came out in certain situations. Most people would think she was incapable of hitting anyone.

Why are you staying? You should leave this horrible woman you poor, poor man.
I mean, she never actually threatened you, but somehow, she made your child think that you threatened her by observing your behavior toward her?

I can’t believe it. You should absolutely leave this situation and do no work on yourself.

I left when we became empty nesters. She hit me three times over twenty years. I didn't think it was worth blowing up the family over that, and I definitely would not have wanted her to be arrested. It was a bad marriage in many ways but the physical abuse part was more a symptom than a cause. She probably screamed at me or our child thousands of times. That had a bigger impact on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there are a lot more abusive women than people believe. This happens a lot and abuse towards men are reported even less than women. Sorry about your sister's bf, OP.

Agree. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

[Anonymous]

Domestic violence towards men is extremely rare. In fact it's so rare that I don't think the average man will realize he is being abused.

Honestly if I were in a relationship and a woman was being abused towards me I don't think I'll see it as abuse. Most of us men are terrified at defending ourselves if a woman hit us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

No one said you can't defend yourself. OP did however say that her sister is the agressor multimple times with multiple men. So again, eff off and seek therapy you so desperately need.

Try to make a valid point next time and without cursing out someone. Both lose credibility. The second makes you look trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

No one said you can't defend yourself. OP did however say that her sister is the agressor multimple times with multiple men. So again, eff off and seek therapy you so desperately need.

Try to make a valid point next time and without cursing out someone. Both lose credibility. The second makes you look trashy.

I dont care what a lunatic like you has to say about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

You're either playing dumb or actually dumb. OP clearly stated that he has never been physical with her and in fact is a nice guy who treats her sister well. So other than your imagination, no one is defending herself from any attacks. She is the attacker. She is the abuser. I imagine you are one too, The law doesn't give a shit that you're a woman.

Op is just second hand information and then saw slivers of interactions.

All Op can do is tell her sister and whatever guy to get professional help, and then step out of it.

There’s no savior role for Op here. Frankly she should do the above and then cut bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

No one said you can't defend yourself. OP did however say that her sister is the agressor multimple times with multiple men. So again, eff off and seek therapy you so desperately need.

Try to make a valid point next time and without cursing out someone. Both lose credibility. The second makes you look trashy.

I dont care what a lunatic like you has to say about anything.

There you go again. Name calling to attempt to make a weak point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

No one said you can't defend yourself. OP did however say that her sister is the agressor multimple times with multiple men. So again, eff off and seek therapy you so desperately need.

Try to make a valid point next time and without cursing out someone. Both lose credibility. The second makes you look trashy.

I dont care what a lunatic like you has to say about anything.

There you go again. Name calling to attempt to make a weak point.

You’re also likely an abuser who hits your husband. And you’re still a lunatic. Am I mincing words?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

Totally irrelevant. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT lay your hands on anyone for any reason. She will rightfully get arrested and taken to jail and prosecuted. I hope she does.

Much better for the big tall man to come screaming at you in the shower, follow you out, puff out his chest, corner you in a walk-in closet and rage at you while the children are downstairs.

But don’t dare push or shove or hit him. Then you be the bad guy.

Amirite family courts??

Well that's for you and your therapist to discuss. None of that happened to OP's sister as described here. Or did all of that trauma make it impossible to read and comprehend?

No. That’s a true story for the weirdos in her who think if you get someone to raise a hand to them in self defense you’re in the wrong.

You're either playing dumb or actually dumb. OP clearly stated that he has never been physical with her and in fact is a nice guy who treats her sister well. So other than your imagination, no one is defending herself from any attacks. She is the attacker. She is the abuser. I imagine you are one too, The law doesn't give a shit that you're a woman.

Op is just second hand information and then saw slivers of interactions.

All Op can do is tell her sister and whatever guy to get professional help, and then step out of it.

There’s no savior role for Op here. Frankly she should do the above and then cut bait.

Learn how to read. She saw her sister doing this on more than one occasion. She should call the police and have her arrested.

[Anonymous]

It’s wrong. Why do people think it’s okay? Yeah she might not hurt him, but violence in a relationship isn’t okay. I don’t think she deserves jail, but needs to work on her emotional regulation.

[Anonymous]

Yes it definitely sounds like your sister has some anger issues & prefers to physically lash out at her partners which could bode disastrous in the future.

She may one day end up in jail (or worse!) due to her violent behavior.

You can try discussing the dangers that can arise later on from this but she may have to learn her lesson the hard way.

Hoping things never reach that point but one can never be sure.

[Anonymous]

That is domestic violence.

She needs therapy for anger management.

Or she could be jailed or killed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s in her late 20s and has a bit of a short temper. Shea been hitting her boyfriend during arguments—slapping, pulling his hair, kicking him, throwing things,or whatever else happens in the heat of the moment.

He’s a really nice guy, and I don’t believe he’s violent toward her in any way. From what I can tell and what she says, he’s good to her. I’ve already talked to my sister about it, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She gets defensive when I bring it up and is very stubborn, so she doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s been physical in a relationship. She’s done this to past partners as well. I’m worried this could escalate, and I’m not sure how to handle it. What’s the best way to approach something like this without making things worse? I’m concerned about her safety.

Why is this your problem?

You said you’re married and busy. Not clear if you all are even local to each other.

You assume you know about someone else’s marriage, arguments, and why they don’t want to talk to you about it.

Are you asking DCUM for permission to throw her under the bus and go tell her dates she’s a terrible terrible person and to run for hills? Sure if you’re omniscient and this date can’t figure things out, go spend your time doing that.