Sister hits her BF - Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s in her late 20s and has a bit of a short temper. Shea been hitting her boyfriend during arguments—slapping, pulling his hair, kicking him, throwing things,or whatever else happens in the heat of the moment.

He’s a really nice guy, and I don’t believe he’s violent toward her in any way. From what I can tell and what she says, he’s good to her. I’ve already talked to my sister about it, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She gets defensive when I bring it up and is very stubborn, so she doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s been physical in a relationship. She’s done this to past partners as well. I’m worried this could escalate, and I’m not sure how to handle it. What’s the best way to approach something like this without making things worse? I’m concerned about her safety.

Until you know or see exactly what led up to that, you really can’t take a view. Like what’s the argument about and is it the same issue as last argument.

This is all hearsay and you don’t even state from whom.

Sure hitting someone is wrong.
But self defense isn’t.

Aggravating someone deliberately is wrong too.
Stonewalling someone deliberately is wrong as well.

If any of the above is going on, which is escalating, she will need to leave the relationship instead of fighting back verbally or physically.

Unfortunately you can’t slap sense into someone who’s a jerk behind closed doors.

Similarly, if she’s the jerk, why ain’t the dude leaving already. That’s telling.

WOW just WOW.

There is no scenario is which hitting someone is ok no matter how angry you are. No, nothing he says justifies her physically abusing him. Are you also physically abusing your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there are a lot more abusive women than people believe. This happens a lot and abuse towards men are reported even less than women. Sorry about your sister's bf, OP.

Reactive abuse. Narcs love that result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s in her late 20s and has a bit of a short temper. Shea been hitting her boyfriend during arguments—slapping, pulling his hair, kicking him, throwing things,or whatever else happens in the heat of the moment.

He’s a really nice guy, and I don’t believe he’s violent toward her in any way. From what I can tell and what she says, he’s good to her. I’ve already talked to my sister about it, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She gets defensive when I bring it up and is very stubborn, so she doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s been physical in a relationship. She’s done this to past partners as well. I’m worried this could escalate, and I’m not sure how to handle it. What’s the best way to approach something like this without making things worse? I’m concerned about her safety.

Until you know or see exactly what led up to that, you really can’t take a view. Like what’s the argument about and is it the same issue as last argument.

This is all hearsay and you don’t even state from whom.

Sure hitting someone is wrong.
But self defense isn’t.

Aggravating someone deliberately is wrong too.
Stonewalling someone deliberately is wrong as well.

If any of the above is going on, which is escalating, she will need to leave the relationship instead of fighting back verbally or physically.

Unfortunately you can’t slap sense into someone who’s a jerk behind closed doors.

Similarly, if she’s the jerk, why ain’t the dude leaving already. That’s telling.

WOW just WOW.

There is no scenario is which hitting someone is ok no matter how angry you are. No, nothing he says justifies her physically abusing him. Are you also physically abusing your husband?

Self defense

War

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s in her late 20s and has a bit of a short temper. Shea been hitting her boyfriend during arguments—slapping, pulling his hair, kicking him, throwing things,or whatever else happens in the heat of the moment.

He’s a really nice guy, and I don’t believe he’s violent toward her in any way. From what I can tell and what she says, he’s good to her. I’ve already talked to my sister about it, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She gets defensive when I bring it up and is very stubborn, so she doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s been physical in a relationship. She’s done this to past partners as well. I’m worried this could escalate, and I’m not sure how to handle it. What’s the best way to approach something like this without making things worse? I’m concerned about her safety.

Lol

As if you know what happens at home in anyone’s relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should go to the boyfriend and say "Look, I don't even know you that well, but you deserve better than this. It is not okay that she hits you. I think you should consider breaking up with her. If you need help or support, I'm happy to provide it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this."

As to what you do with your sister - jeez I don't know. Maybe check in with experts, see what they would advise? A domestic violence non-profit or helpline might have good information for you.

Yeah. Get involved and take sides Op.

Go for it. You’re so informed, go be a flying monkey. Do his bidding.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like neither has any conflict resolution to problem solve.

Arguments need to be solved with a team approach, listening, reasonableness.

Isn’t clear if either party has that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I know it happens because I see it and she tells me about it.

They do not live together.

Besides being disciplined with belts, switches, hangers, hot sauce, we didn’t experience any abuse/violence in our childhood, and had happy normal childhoods, so no trauma history.

Now we’re DCUM trollin’ good!!!

Hope the advert sponsors see this high quality post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s in her late 20s and has a bit of a short temper. Shea been hitting her boyfriend during arguments—slapping, pulling his hair, kicking him, throwing things,or whatever else happens in the heat of the moment.

He’s a really nice guy, and I don’t believe he’s violent toward her in any way. From what I can tell and what she says, he’s good to her. I’ve already talked to my sister about it, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. She gets defensive when I bring it up and is very stubborn, so she doesn’t listen to anyone’s advice.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s been physical in a relationship. She’s done this to past partners as well. I’m worried this could escalate, and I’m not sure how to handle it. What’s the best way to approach something like this without making things worse? I’m concerned about her safety.

Until you know or see exactly what led up to that, you really can’t take a view. Like what’s the argument about and is it the same issue as last argument.

This is all hearsay and you don’t even state from whom.

Sure hitting someone is wrong.
But self defense isn’t.

Aggravating someone deliberately is wrong too.
Stonewalling someone deliberately is wrong as well.

If any of the above is going on, which is escalating, she will need to leave the relationship instead of fighting back verbally or physically.

Unfortunately you can’t slap sense into someone who’s a jerk behind closed doors.

Similarly, if she’s the jerk, why ain’t the dude leaving already. That’s telling.

WOW just WOW.

There is no scenario is which hitting someone is ok no matter how angry you are. No, nothing he says justifies her physically abusing him. Are you also physically abusing your husband?

Self defense

War

What the hell are you even prattling on about? Nowhere did OP say anything about self defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I know it happens because I see it and she tells me about it.

They do not live together.

Besides being disciplined with belts, switches, hangers, hot sauce, we didn’t experience any abuse/violence in our childhood, and had happy normal childhoods, so no trauma history.

This sounds like some trauma to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

If someone is smaller and weaker and not actually going to seriously harm the other person, that’s relevant.

[Anonymous]

No it's not. If they keep on doing this eventually they will hurt someone. Want her to babysit your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened in your childhood that your sister freaks out like this? I haven’t seen anyone act like this who doesn’t have an abuse history.

Who cares? Do not excuse her behavior by attributing it to some past trauma. Plenty of us had really bad childhoods and do not abuse our partners as adults.

Okay. John McCain was a POW for 5 years in Vietnam and he turned out to be a US senator. Does that mean that all other POWs should be held to the same standard??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there are a lot more abusive women than people believe. This happens a lot and abuse towards men are reported even less than women. Sorry about your sister's bf, OP.

My grandpa was being abused by his girlfriend. He was pushing 90 and just didn't have the language to tell anyone because that doesn't happen to men. My dad and I were talking about it the other day. My mom has died, my dad is pushing 80 and dating someone, and I asked him if he's safe and if he wants us to have a code word in case he needs help. We, two SUPER creative people, came up with the code word "Help."

[Anonymous]

No, you shouldn’t be concerned; please continue to look the other way…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely need to call the police if you witness her doing this. This is physical abuse. The fact that she is a woman is irrelevant. She needs to go to jail!!!

Absolutely right!