Moms, What Do You Give Teachers at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

OK? What is it you think that will accomplish? A few great teachers get chintzier holiday gifts? You realize they cannot take any action against me or my child, so you’re only punishing good teachers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

It's so interesting you use these words, almost like it's sarcastic, or an insult or something? I don't think it's liberated. I think it's normal, or whatever. The fact that you think it's a statement is interesting in itself.
And I'm not going to tell her, nor is my husband, that he handles these things. Because we both do. But when 99/100 it a woman approaches me, at a cumulative level, it does create more work for women. So it would help if people could just not assume it's always the woman's job because most women do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got enough **** on my plate. Thanks to teachers who work really hard, but in between doing 99% of everything for xmas at home, my job, my ailing parent, and my raging perimenopause, I have nothing left.

Those reasons are why my kids’ teachers get New Year’s gifts 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

It's so interesting you use these words, almost like it's sarcastic, or an insult or something? I don't think it's liberated. I think it's normal, or whatever. The fact that you think it's a statement is interesting in itself.
And I'm not going to tell her, nor is my husband, that he handles these things. Because we both do. But when 99/100 it a woman approaches me, at a cumulative level, it does create more work for women. So it would help if people could just not assume it's always the woman's job because most women do it.

Yeah you deserve to be called out for shaming another woman while claiming you're an anti sexism warrior. You're not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As a teacher and a parent, we don't expect or want gifts. We want your child to be on time, prepared to learn, present every day possible, and supported at home.

If you really feel called to give a gift, write a kind note about how I've impacted your child. If you absolutely must put in a gift card, $5 or $10 is plenty.

More than that often comes off as a bribe--seriously.

My understanding is that $20-30 is a totally normal amount for an elementary teacher holiday gift card in our district. I can't imagine it being viewed as a bribe.

I also don't write a note to the teacher because, frankly, I don't know them that well. My kid writes a note.

NP:

This forum is so odd.

Teacher: "This" is what we want. Please don't do "that".
Parent: No, you're wrong, I'm going to do "that".

Every year teachers ask for notes, not money. Just write the damn note and forgo the money.

Exactly this.

It feels so awkward to receive cash or gift cards. This is my profession. I don’t give my doctor a gift card. I don’t give my accountant extra cash. I want to be treated as a professional.

I LOVE the hand-written cards. Love them! (And yes, I have written my doctor a card of gratitude after a rough appointment.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the teachers who does not want anything and I’ll tell you why. I won’t use the gift cards and then it will be expected for me to write a thank you card back. You are giving me more to do for something I am not even going to use. Please stop with the gifts.

The teacher by me received a very nice GC to a restaurant and after school got out went class to class on our hall to see if anyone would use it. Hopefully she found someone. I said no and it reminds me to bring in my local ones from last year I never used, still in a drawer in my house.

You won't use Target or Amazon gift cards? I consider those equivalent to cash.

I’ll use Amazon. I never go to Target. I rarely shop inside stores anymore. I have a few Target GC from past years that I haven’t used. It’s not my go to store for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the teachers who does not want anything and I’ll tell you why. I won’t use the gift cards and then it will be expected for me to write a thank you card back. You are giving me more to do for something I am not even going to use. Please stop with the gifts.

The teacher by me received a very nice GC to a restaurant and after school got out went class to class on our hall to see if anyone would use it. Hopefully she found someone. I said no and it reminds me to bring in my local ones from last year I never used, still in a drawer in my house.

You won't use Target or Amazon gift cards? I consider those equivalent to cash.

I’ll use Amazon. I never go to Target. I rarely shop inside stores anymore. I have a few Target GC from past years that I haven’t used. It’s not my go to store for anything.

Target delivers just like Amazon. Order laundry detergent or shampoo or something and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cash. Not gift cards, cash. Plus a nice note from my child

You sound like a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Never give cash. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher and a parent, we don't expect or want gifts. We want your child to be on time, prepared to learn, present every day possible, and supported at home.

If you really feel called to give a gift, write a kind note about how I've impacted your child. If you absolutely must put in a gift card, $5 or $10 is plenty.

More than that often comes off as a bribe--seriously.

My understanding is that $20-30 is a totally normal amount for an elementary teacher holiday gift card in our district. I can't imagine it being viewed as a bribe.

I also don't write a note to the teacher because, frankly, I don't know them that well. My kid writes a note.

NP:

This forum is so odd.

Teacher: "This" is what we want. Please don't do "that".
Parent: No, you're wrong, I'm going to do "that".

Every year teachers ask for notes, not money. Just write the damn note and forgo the money.

Exactly this.

It feels so awkward to receive cash or gift cards. This is my profession. I don’t give my doctor a gift card. I don’t give my accountant extra cash. I want to be treated as a professional.

I LOVE the hand-written cards. Love them! (And yes, I have written my doctor a card of gratitude after a rough appointment.)

If you really feel this way, you should tell your class parent. The way they solicit money for teacher gifts sends the message that you’re expecting them (or need them). Telling DCUM won’t make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Giving money is corruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

You must have an extremely boring life if this is what your drinking game is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher and a parent, we don't expect or want gifts. We want your child to be on time, prepared to learn, present every day possible, and supported at home.

If you really feel called to give a gift, write a kind note about how I've impacted your child. If you absolutely must put in a gift card, $5 or $10 is plenty.

More than that often comes off as a bribe--seriously.

My understanding is that $20-30 is a totally normal amount for an elementary teacher holiday gift card in our district. I can't imagine it being viewed as a bribe.

I also don't write a note to the teacher because, frankly, I don't know them that well. My kid writes a note.

NP:

This forum is so odd.

Teacher: "This" is what we want. Please don't do "that".
Parent: No, you're wrong, I'm going to do "that".

Every year teachers ask for notes, not money. Just write the damn note and forgo the money.

Exactly this.

It feels so awkward to receive cash or gift cards. This is my profession. I don’t give my doctor a gift card. I don’t give my accountant extra cash. I want to be treated as a professional.

I LOVE the hand-written cards. Love them! (And yes, I have written my doctor a card of gratitude after a rough appointment.)

If you really feel this way, you should tell your class parent. The way they solicit money for teacher gifts sends the message that you’re expecting them (or need them). Telling DCUM won’t make a difference.

I don’t have a class parent. I teach high school.

But I’ve been a class parent and I’ve also received requests for money from class parents. The culture at our DD’s elementary school was always to raise money for the classroom, not the teacher. And I love that because it’s appropriate. The teacher shouldn’t have to use her own funds for classroom books, supplies, etc. That PTA at that school filled the gap between what the teacher needed for the classroom and what the school was able to provide. And teacher appreciation was a simple card-writing campaign. I loved this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the teachers who does not want anything and I’ll tell you why. I won’t use the gift cards and then it will be expected for me to write a thank you card back. You are giving me more to do for something I am not even going to use. Please stop with the gifts.

The teacher by me received a very nice GC to a restaurant and after school got out went class to class on our hall to see if anyone would use it. Hopefully she found someone. I said no and it reminds me to bring in my local ones from last year I never used, still in a drawer in my house.

You won't use Target or Amazon gift cards? I consider those equivalent to cash.

I’ll use Amazon. I never go to Target. I rarely shop inside stores anymore. I have a few Target GC from past years that I haven’t used. It’s not my go to store for anything.

Target delivers just like Amazon. Order laundry detergent or shampoo or something and be done with it.

I will eventually. I throw them in a draw and last want to go through the 10 and 20 GC to do that.

I might have given the Target ones away to my own kids. I don’t even remember. So many of us give these away to each other or our kids.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so crazy. Some of y'all so angry about giving appreciation.