Moms, What Do You Give Teachers at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually a book for their classroom library (my kid likes to pick this out, choosing something they love but the teacher doesn't have) plus a gift card to either Amazon or Target.

This is a great idea. I wish I had thought of it before sending a gift card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a college senior. We always gave $25 gift cards. After she got into HYPSM and graduated, gave her counselor $100 gc to Target. But every Christmas, we send a gift basket to the teacher who changed her life! We owe everything to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a college senior. We always gave $25 gift cards. After she got into HYPSM and graduated, gave her counselor $100 gc to Target. But every Christmas, we send a gift basket to the teacher who changed her life! We owe everything to her.

Pp here… before graduating the $25 gc was to each of her teachers every year from kindergarten…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a college senior. We always gave $25 gift cards. After she got into HYPSM and graduated, gave her counselor $100 gc to Target. But every Christmas, we send a gift basket to the teacher who changed her life! We owe everything to her.

Pp here… before graduating the $25 gc was to each of her teachers every year from kindergarten…

It’s me again…kid saw her admissions file as a sophomore. Her counselor and teacher LORs were rated as 1’s so we were right in giving them extra appreciation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

Our APS PTA literally gives out monthly awards to teachers who are nominated for going above and beyond. And that's a public recognition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher and a parent, we don't expect or want gifts. We want your child to be on time, prepared to learn, present every day possible, and supported at home.

If you really feel called to give a gift, write a kind note about how I've impacted your child. If you absolutely must put in a gift card, $5 or $10 is plenty.

More than that often comes off as a bribe--seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

It's so interesting you use these words, almost like it's sarcastic, or an insult or something? I don't think it's liberated. I think it's normal, or whatever. The fact that you think it's a statement is interesting in itself.
And I'm not going to tell her, nor is my husband, that he handles these things. Because we both do. But when 99/100 it a woman approaches me, at a cumulative level, it does create more work for women. So it would help if people could just not assume it's always the woman's job because most women do it.

I would approach the woman because first of all, if I approached the man while his wife was standing right there, it could come across the wrong way. Maybe I'd like to befriend this woman, who knows.
I approached a couple when my oldest was in K and said to the woman "Mikey would love to have a playdate with John! Would you like to come over after school sometime this week?" And she curtly gestured to her husband and said "He deals with playdates. Talk to him." Nice to meet you, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Here in this culture, only kids are given cash. By their grandparents for example. Adults don't give cash to other adults.

I give my adult kids cash for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Here in this culture, only kids are given cash. By their grandparents for example. Adults don't give cash to other adults.

I give my adult kids cash for gifts.

These are your own kids, very different from giving cash to an unrelated adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

It's so interesting you use these words, almost like it's sarcastic, or an insult or something? I don't think it's liberated. I think it's normal, or whatever. The fact that you think it's a statement is interesting in itself.
And I'm not going to tell her, nor is my husband, that he handles these things. Because we both do. But when 99/100 it a woman approaches me, at a cumulative level, it does create more work for women. So it would help if people could just not assume it's always the woman's job because most women do it.

I would approach the woman because first of all, if I approached the man while his wife was standing right there, it could come across the wrong way. Maybe I'd like to befriend this woman, who knows.
I approached a couple when my oldest was in K and said to the woman "Mikey would love to have a playdate with John! Would you like to come over after school sometime this week?" And she curtly gestured to her husband and said "He deals with playdates. Talk to him." Nice to meet you, lady.

Thanks for this anecdote.
I wish as a society we recognized that women approaching men isn't sexualized, but I can see why you would want permission to interact with the husband.
I wouldn't want to say "my husband deals with this, not me" but I can see why she would given how frustrating it is that the burden is always assumed to be put on women - and don't mistake, that is a burden in itself
I know it's more common, that women want/need to deal with other women, that women are seen as rude when saying deal with my husband
If both parents are together, what is the problem with approaching both? Or even if they aren't together, you can still use technology to do so. To me assuming it's one parent that deals with the kids just isn't very flexible for many family types