Moms, What Do You Give Teachers at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Here in this culture, only kids are given cash. By their grandparents for example. Adults don't give cash to other adults.

I give my adult kids cash for gifts.

These are your own kids, very different from giving cash to an unrelated adult.

But, that’s not what you said. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

Our APS PTA literally gives out monthly awards to teachers who are nominated for going above and beyond. And that's a public recognition.

And do they recognize every teacher an individual family nominates? Because I’m not interested in a certificate and a participation trophy, and I don’t remotely believe the PTA cares who delivered for *my* kid. Its my responsibility to make sure that teacher is shown appropriate gratitude and recognition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

It sounds like the “downside” is to other teachers who don’t know about the gift so this is pretty tenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

It sounds like the “downside” is to other teachers who don’t know about the gift so this is pretty tenuous.

Do you really not see the problems with bribes? I mean, maybe you don't, half of our country is fine with corruption these days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

It sounds like the “downside” is to other teachers who don’t know about the gift so this is pretty tenuous.

Do you really not see the problems with bribes? I mean, maybe you don't, half of our country is fine with corruption these days

I absolutely see a problem with bribes which is why it’s weird to me that parents can buy $1000’s of items off an amazon wishlist for a teacher before school even starts.

I do not see a problem with a gift that recognizes efforts and impacts that has already happened. What am I “bribing” a teacher to do— not suddenly do a 180 on their performance? Giving a large gift to a bad teacher could look like a bribe, if that’s really the impact you think it could have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

Our APS PTA literally gives out monthly awards to teachers who are nominated for going above and beyond. And that's a public recognition.

And do they recognize every teacher an individual family nominates? Because I’m not interested in a certificate and a participation trophy, and I don’t remotely believe the PTA cares who delivered for *my* kid. Its my responsibility to make sure that teacher is shown appropriate gratitude and recognition.

So, have you been formally diagnosed as a narcissist or is that just something family members said when they cut you off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

Our APS PTA literally gives out monthly awards to teachers who are nominated for going above and beyond. And that's a public recognition.

And do they recognize every teacher an individual family nominates? Because I’m not interested in a certificate and a participation trophy, and I don’t remotely believe the PTA cares who delivered for *my* kid. Its my responsibility to make sure that teacher is shown appropriate gratitude and recognition.

So, have you been formally diagnosed as a narcissist or is that just something family members said when they cut you off?

A narcissist whose crime is privately gifting talented teachers. Never change DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. Save your time. And money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Who said a single thing about wanting to “support teachers”???? That is what their paycheck is for. I want to recognize and show appreciation for truly outstanding educators who have gone above and beyond for my child. The PTA doesn’t care about that.

There is no arms race because no one other than the teacher knows about the gift. There are plenty of generous gifts in your child’s classroom you don’t know about.

Our APS PTA literally gives out monthly awards to teachers who are nominated for going above and beyond. And that's a public recognition.

And do they recognize every teacher an individual family nominates? Because I’m not interested in a certificate and a participation trophy, and I don’t remotely believe the PTA cares who delivered for *my* kid. Its my responsibility to make sure that teacher is shown appropriate gratitude and recognition.

So, have you been formally diagnosed as a narcissist or is that just something family members said when they cut you off?

A narcissist whose crime is privately gifting talented teachers. Never change DCUM.

She puts her name on it. She's looking for attention and bragging about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

Teacher here.
I can’t imagine receiving $200-$300. I’d actually be insulted. This puts my job in jeopardy and I’d be upset that you would put me in that position. In addition, I’m a professional and I receive a paycheck. This doesn’t treat me as a professional.

I’ve received offers of $50-$100 and haven’t accepted them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

It sounds like the “downside” is to other teachers who don’t know about the gift so this is pretty tenuous.

Do you really not see the problems with bribes? I mean, maybe you don't, half of our country is fine with corruption these days

I absolutely see a problem with bribes which is why it’s weird to me that parents can buy $1000’s of items off an amazon wishlist for a teacher before school even starts.

I do not see a problem with a gift that recognizes efforts and impacts that has already happened. What am I “bribing” a teacher to do— not suddenly do a 180 on their performance? Giving a large gift to a bad teacher could look like a bribe, if that’s really the impact you think it could have.

"It's not a bribe when I do it." got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!

God, you all sound like 8-year-olds. “I hope someone TELLS! OMG!” (insert dramatic foot stomp here)

Why do you think you’re above the rules?

I’m the poster who started this controversy. I think I’ve been pretty clear, I think the rule is foolish. Unless you’ve never done 66 on a highway, you will understand that sometimes we substitute our own best judgment for the “rules”.

Great values you're teaching your kid. The rules don't apply to me! I'm special! I know better!

If you think your kid has never seen you break a rule you’re delusional. I am perfectly happy for my child to understand that when someone really goes above and beyond (and kids aren’t dumb they know what a mediocre/good/great teacher is) we make sure to show our appreciation and ensure that person gets recognition. You keep telling your kids to follow every “rule” no matter what.

You keep trying to justify what you're doing as if it's not wrong. It'll catch up to you, or your kid.

It’s not wrong. The rule is wrong. Who do you think you’re helping? The teacher? My kid?

The rule isn't wrong. There doesn't need to be some crazy arms race to giving the biggest teacher gift, as would happen at schools like Jamestown, Williamsburg and Taylor. Meanwhile teachers at S. Arl schools would get far far less. We don't need more disparity. It supposed to be a token gift, not part of teacher compensation.

If you want support teachers, give more to the PTA.

Thank you, there are downsides to allowing one family to basically bribe a teacher.

It sounds like the “downside” is to other teachers who don’t know about the gift so this is pretty tenuous.

Do you really not see the problems with bribes? I mean, maybe you don't, half of our country is fine with corruption these days

I absolutely see a problem with bribes which is why it’s weird to me that parents can buy $1000’s of items off an amazon wishlist for a teacher before school even starts.

I do not see a problem with a gift that recognizes efforts and impacts that has already happened. What am I “bribing” a teacher to do— not suddenly do a 180 on their performance? Giving a large gift to a bad teacher could look like a bribe, if that’s really the impact you think it could have.

"It's not a bribe when I do it." got it.

I’m sorry your holidays are so meager that you begrudge a teacher a nice gift that has zero impact on you. I wish you better things in the New Year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Here in this culture, only kids are given cash. By their grandparents for example. Adults don't give cash to other adults.

I give my adult kids cash for gifts.

These are your own kids, very different from giving cash to an unrelated adult.

But, that’s not what you said. Keep up.

You seem nice. I see why you need to give your kids cash so they (pretend to) tolerate you.

[Anonymous]

You don't care what the dads give teachers? Why so sexist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

I'm a teacher and gifts like this are much appreciated.