Moms, What Do You Give Teachers at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

[Anonymous]

Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

You're not expected to give anything to a bad teacher. But you can't give unfair and inappropriate amounts to any teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Culturally, cash isn't given as a gift. It's considered crass. I don't know where this came from, but it's a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

You're not expected to give anything to a bad teacher. But you can't give unfair and inappropriate amounts to any teacher.

We are definitely expected. We get harassed for a month by class parents about gifting. Then we do it again for teacher appreciation. The expectation is clearly there. So with that expectation, I hardly think it’s inappropriate or unfair for a teacher who has really gone above and beyond to receive a gift that reflects that. What is it you find unfair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I think I'd correct the bolded to "if there is any chance this teacher will perceive that they may"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

You're not expected to give anything to a bad teacher. But you can't give unfair and inappropriate amounts to any teacher.

We are definitely expected. We get harassed for a month by class parents about gifting. Then we do it again for teacher appreciation. The expectation is clearly there. So with that expectation, I hardly think it’s inappropriate or unfair for a teacher who has really gone above and beyond to receive a gift that reflects that. What is it you find unfair?

Check your language. The class parent is not harassing you. They stepped up to volunteer for a thankless job. Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding gifting cash - what is bad about it? We are Asians and giving envelopes with cash is a part of our culture. Everyone in at least the DMV area is pretty clued to diverse cultural norms and till date no one has complained about it. Besides, cash can be used easily on whatever the recipient wants. How is that disrespecting or devaluing anyone?

What do we do to show respect to our teachers?
- My children have been taught to be polite and well mannered, they don't disrupt the classroom, they follow directions, they go well prepared and ready to learn, they work hard and perform well academically, they have civic sense and they are helpful.
- As a parent, I reach out to the school and teachers and contribute to classroom supplies, volunteer for school events, attend PTA meetings and chaperone field trips.
- We usually give the recommended limit ($25) to all the teachers. My kids and I include notes of appreciation to the teachers I also email a note to the most helpful teachers and cc the Principal.

Here in this culture, only kids are given cash. By their grandparents for example. Adults don't give cash to other adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

You're not expected to give anything to a bad teacher. But you can't give unfair and inappropriate amounts to any teacher.

We are definitely expected. We get harassed for a month by class parents about gifting. Then we do it again for teacher appreciation. The expectation is clearly there. So with that expectation, I hardly think it’s inappropriate or unfair for a teacher who has really gone above and beyond to receive a gift that reflects that. What is it you find unfair?

Check your language. The class parent is not harassing you. They stepped up to volunteer for a thankless job. Do better.

I have gotten no fewer than 15 types of communication this month. After the first one, I responded that we would be gifting separately, but communications did not cease. That is definitionally harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband and I have talked about starting a drinking game about a class mom who will only talk to other mothers. She will march right up to my husband and me at a class event and completely ignore him and make me do all the work. It's exhausting. Please check your biases and stop doing this other women. You may be stuck in 1950 but not all of us want to be. If you aren't going to help sexism, please don't perpetuate it.

Hey PP, this isn't her fault. Why are YOU doing all the work, it isn't the 1950s! Tell you husband to do it, if you're so liberated. Stop blaming the other woman.

Fair- to clarify, I am NOT doing all the work. that's not the arrangement in our household- but the point is it shouldn't have to all go through me, beacuse that DOES create an extra burden on me. I'm not my husband's manager or task adviser.

Easy solution - when she marches up to you, you could simply say, "This is DH, he handles these things." Or better yet, your DH could say it himself. Since your relationship is so liberated. It's not on her, she's already volunteering for a thankless job. And now you're making fun of her. She's simply saving time by going to the person who does these 99% of the time.

The other mother is not your manager/task advisor. Handle it with your spouse in your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift card between $200-$300 (not labeled so they don’t get in trouble) a card my kid helps write and a small meaningful physical gift if that’s something that makes sense — one year we got a book she and I had been discussing signed by the author, for example. I email the principal.

Generic teachers $20 card to Target and a card my kid helps with.

At our public school teachers are not allowed to accept such a large gift. They'd have to turn it over to the school. Families are capped at giving no more than $100 per teacher per school year.

That’s why I don’t write the amount on it.

You are putting the teacher in an extremely awkward situation. When they go to use it and find out how much is on it, they are supposed to report it and hand it over to admin to handle giving back. Will they? Probably not...but then it's a really uncomfortable set up. If someone else finds out they didn't, they could get in trouble. Please don't do this.

If you are feeling extremely generous, $20 is appropriate. It's supposed to be a token gift, not an annual bonus.

--teacher

You may feel awkward. The teachers who I have gifted have not. One teacher selected different, perfect, books for mu advanced reader for the entire year and made tons of time to talk to her about them. The year before the teacher yelled at her for reading her own books when she finished the way below level class books. Preserving a child’s love of reading?? Deserves a serious recognition, not a token. A token is for the lazy teacher yelling at the advanced kids.

I thought you said the gift card was anonymous? If so, how would you know that they don't feel uncomfortable that you broke the policy and risked getting them in trouble?

You're bribing teachers for individual attention? Ick.

I didn’t say it was anonymous I said I don’t label the amount on the outside. The gift was in recognition of the work, and given in December, so it’s hardly a bribe.

If there is any chance that this teacher will

--write a recommendation for a magnet program
--complete a private school application form
--assign grades that affect the student after this year
--Select students for a specific role that not all children will get to do (student government, patrols, the lead in the play, sports team, whatever)
--write a college rec letter down the road

...then giving a gift that is so large your student stands out from the others is absolutely going to be seen as bribery. We talk in the teacher lunch room. I assure you we all discuss how to handle these uncomfortable situations.

If you want to thank the teacher for their work with a generous gift, save it for the last day of school, after all decisions regarding grades, placements, etc are made.

I have family members who are teachers and they say this happens every year, that the teachers know who the generous parents who appreciate their (genuine) efforts are, and that teachers appreciate their gifts.

If a teacher said to me they couldn’t accept it or it made them uncomfortable that would be different but they’ve told me they appreciate it and bought things for their classrooms so I don’t think I should go Scrooge because someone on the internet said so?

Also I have never asked for anything on your list.

You're specifically violating a school policy. You even said you're not writing the amount on the gift card to get around that policy. That's not okay.

It is a foolish policy, that expects me to give the same gift to a teacher who scolded my daughter for reading books as the one who clearly spent a lot of time thought and energy, making sure my daughter had a great material. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about following foolish policies.

Not the same thing at all. No one is making you give the same amount. You can give the max allowed to the teacher you like and give a smaller gift or even nothing to the one you don't.

Yes, I do. The generic teacher gets $20 from target. It’s no one‘s business one to stand out teacher gets unless she chooses to share that information. What would be unfair is giving her such a token gift which does not at all reflect the obvious effort and care she’s putting into my child.

It's the school district's business. That is why there is a policy. I hope someone reports you!