DS, 19, hasn't had a GF and now says he's asexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is social, smart, good looking, cool and hip and generally gets along very well in life. He's never had a girlfriend, though he has many female friends who flirt with him. As he's gotten older I get the sense he might be on the spectrum, because he's become very rigid in his thinking. When we ask him why he doesn't date, he says he doesn't see the point, that it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't really care about. He doesn't even hook up at parties, and recently he told us that he thinks he's asexual. (And no, he's not gay, we've talked about that too.) Is this common or is it another phase that boys go through? DH and I are both very surprised.

No, it’s not common. It’s a sexual deviance, by definition. But it happens. Take him at his word. Assume there won’t be grandchildren from his seed in the future. Adjust your will accordingly.

Not wanting to have sex is not a sexual deviance.

Yes, it is. By definition. It deviates from the norm. So it is a deviancy.

Thank you for the statistics lesson, Captain Rigid. But flexible thinkers understand that the word "deviance" carries a negative connotation, and that is what we are responding to.

OP, just support him. And he may end up with a partner anyway. Just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they don't form emotional attachments. Sexual attraction is just one part of a relationship.

Well, being asexual IS deviant in the negative connotations sense, too. It's just plain weird, abnormal and anti-social.

It's actually more normal to care about a person's soul and wellbeing than how you can use them for your own pleasure.

The word you’re looking for is noble. Not normal. Because for a teen that is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve met many boys back in the day who were still virgins in their early 20s! Mostly geeky types. So it’s not something new, and 19 is still young. I’d be tempted to take him to a resort in like Turkey or Mexico for some spring break vibes but maybe it’s not where you look nowadays?

Gross.

You want this teen’s mom to take him on spring break to have sex with a rando?

🤢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are just late bloomers or not into sex. He's 19, sex is complicated, and it probably really simplifies his life not to worry about it right now. Check back when he is 25-30.

I think with my 18 year old son it's a combination of being a late bloomer and not wanting any additional stress in his life right now (high achiever focused on academics and pre-professional things, which keep him very busy).

Putting academics before sex at that age would be a bit concerning. Might want to get some bloodwork done just in case something could be wrong.

Seems a little young to worry about that just yet. If he's content and focusing on what he wants to focus on right now, who cares. At 18, very much in the late boomer window.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is a late bloomer OP. If you pressure him on this, he may double down on being asexual and never experiment further.

Let him do his own thing on his own time. My DH and I never had sex with anyone else until we met- I was 29 and he was 31.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is social, smart, good looking, cool and hip and generally gets along very well in life. He's never had a girlfriend, though he has many female friends who flirt with him. As he's gotten older I get the sense he might be on the spectrum, because he's become very rigid in his thinking. When we ask him why he doesn't date, he says he doesn't see the point, that it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't really care about. He doesn't even hook up at parties, and recently he told us that he thinks he's asexual. (And no, he's not gay, we've talked about that too.) Is this common or is it another phase that boys go through? DH and I are both very surprised.

It's another less derogatory word for incel.
He probably finds most younger girls too toxic due to social media influence, feminism, etc.
He might try dating older women for awhile, 30-40s to get some dating experience.

Agree: classic incel .

If you haven’t yet, everyone needs to watch “Adolescence” on Netflix. It’s how teen boys are today.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I read this thinking red pilled. I have a 19yo who’s never had a GF but I know really wants one. He puts a lot of pressure on himself.

[Anonymous]

Some prescriptions medications inhibit desire. Is he taking anything?

[Anonymous]

My AUHD almost 16 year old has no interest in sex or dating. No interest in girls (or boys that I know of). Not masterbating yet. Talks openly with us so I know. He thinks sex is hilarious. I think asexual is possible for him in the future.

My best friend's brother is likely autistic and likely asexual. He still lives with his family (parents now deceased so lives with his brother's family). Has a lot of interests and some friends. Worked his adult life at the family business doing a lot of customer service which fed his social needs. I would say his life has been a happy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AUHD almost 16 year old has no interest in sex or dating. No interest in girls (or boys that I know of). Not masterbating yet. Talks openly with us so I know. He thinks sex is hilarious. I think asexual is possible for him in the future.

My best friend's brother is likely autistic and likely asexual. He still lives with his family (parents now deceased so lives with his brother's family). Has a lot of interests and some friends. Worked his adult life at the family business doing a lot of customer service which fed his social needs. I would say his life has been a happy one.

Friend's brother never had a girlfriend or show interest in dating or sex. He is 65 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AUHD almost 16 year old has no interest in sex or dating. No interest in girls (or boys that I know of). Not masterbating yet. Talks openly with us so I know. He thinks sex is hilarious. I think asexual is possible for him in the future.

My best friend's brother is likely autistic and likely asexual. He still lives with his family (parents now deceased so lives with his brother's family). Has a lot of interests and some friends. Worked his adult life at the family business doing a lot of customer service which fed his social needs. I would say his life has been a happy one.

In the case of the 16 yo., most likely explanation is he’s an incel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AUHD almost 16 year old has no interest in sex or dating. No interest in girls (or boys that I know of). Not masterbating yet. Talks openly with us so I know. He thinks sex is hilarious. I think asexual is possible for him in the future.

My best friend's brother is likely autistic and likely asexual. He still lives with his family (parents now deceased so lives with his brother's family). Has a lot of interests and some friends. Worked his adult life at the family business doing a lot of customer service which fed his social needs. I would say his life has been a happy one.

In the case of the 16 yo., most likely explanation is he’s an incel

agree no girls like him. But 0 interest himself towards any girls, as in he sometimes doesn't notice when they say hi to him or try to talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is social, smart, good looking, cool and hip and generally gets along very well in life. He's never had a girlfriend, though he has many female friends who flirt with him. As he's gotten older I get the sense he might be on the spectrum, because he's become very rigid in his thinking. When we ask him why he doesn't date, he says he doesn't see the point, that it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't really care about. He doesn't even hook up at parties, and recently he told us that he thinks he's asexual. (And no, he's not gay, we've talked about that too.) Is this common or is it another phase that boys go through? DH and I are both very surprised.

It's another less derogatory word for incel.
He probably finds most younger girls too toxic due to social media influence, feminism, etc.
He might try dating older women for awhile, 30-40s to get some dating experience.

Agree: classic incel .

If you haven’t yet, everyone needs to watch “Adolescence” on Netflix. It’s how teen boys are today.

Do you have a teen boy? Know any teen boys? I know plenty of teen boys who are nothing like that. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is social, smart, good looking, cool and hip and generally gets along very well in life. He's never had a girlfriend, though he has many female friends who flirt with him. As he's gotten older I get the sense he might be on the spectrum, because he's become very rigid in his thinking. When we ask him why he doesn't date, he says he doesn't see the point, that it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't really care about. He doesn't even hook up at parties, and recently he told us that he thinks he's asexual. (And no, he's not gay, we've talked about that too.) Is this common or is it another phase that boys go through? DH and I are both very surprised.

It's another less derogatory word for incel.
He probably finds most younger girls too toxic due to social media influence, feminism, etc.
He might try dating older women for awhile, 30-40s to get some dating experience.

Agree: classic incel .

If you haven’t yet, everyone needs to watch “Adolescence” on Netflix. It’s how teen boys are today.

Please explain how this "incel" would have many female friends who flirt with him.

[Anonymous]

FFS, did you even watch Adolescence ?!?

[Anonymous]

My kid was aromantic ... until he met someone he got crush on.