DS, 19, hasn't had a GF and now says he's asexual

[Anonymous]

OP here - he's not on SSRIs or any medication at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son (will be 19 in Dec) hasn't said as such, but he is rather asexual. Perhaps that will change, but who knows. Many of his hormones are on the lower side -- thyroid, cortisol, testosterone, etc. It is possible that he may want to get testosterone shots in the future, but his endocrinologist does not want to do that right now since it will cause his body to produce even less natural testosterone. So, we are hoping that his levels increase naturally. OP, I would ask your son if he wants to check his hormone levels.

His hormones are normal and his testosterone is high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is social, smart, good looking, cool and hip and generally gets along very well in life. He's never had a girlfriend, though he has many female friends who flirt with him. As he's gotten older I get the sense he might be on the spectrum, because he's become very rigid in his thinking. When we ask him why he doesn't date, he says he doesn't see the point, that it seems like too much effort for something he doesn't really care about. He doesn't even hook up at parties, and recently he told us that he thinks he's asexual. (And no, he's not gay, we've talked about that too.) Is this common or is it another phase that boys go through? DH and I are both very surprised.

No, it’s not common. It’s a sexual deviance, by definition. But it happens. Take him at his word. Assume there won’t be grandchildren from his seed in the future. Adjust your will accordingly.

Not wanting to have sex is not a sexual deviance.

Yes, it is. By definition. It deviates from the norm. So it is a deviancy.

We have no idea how common it is because there is so much social pressure to have sexual desire and engage in sexual activity.

I remember when a relative my age decided to become clergy. In our religion, clergy are celibate. That person giving up sex forever upset people far more than taking a vow of poverty.

We do know. It’s 1% according to Kinsey and others.

It is abnormal. Hence, it is a deviancy. It deviates from the norm.

I can't believe we are still relying on Kinsey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son (will be 19 in Dec) hasn't said as such, but he is rather asexual. Perhaps that will change, but who knows. Many of his hormones are on the lower side -- thyroid, cortisol, testosterone, etc. It is possible that he may want to get testosterone shots in the future, but his endocrinologist does not want to do that right now since it will cause his body to produce even less natural testosterone. So, we are hoping that his levels increase naturally. OP, I would ask your son if he wants to check his hormone levels.

His hormones are normal and his testosterone is high.

Leave him alone. He's normal, and doesn't want to date anyone right now. The important thing is that he has the social skills to allow him to date in the future if he wants. Sounds like he does, so I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

This is my brother, who is 43. He's on the spectrum, high functioning. He says he's attracted to men but as a whole, has no desire for sex or sees the point in all the effort that goes into dating.

[Anonymous]

Mom and Dad MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son (will be 19 in Dec) hasn't said as such, but he is rather asexual. Perhaps that will change, but who knows. Many of his hormones are on the lower side -- thyroid, cortisol, testosterone, etc. It is possible that he may want to get testosterone shots in the future, but his endocrinologist does not want to do that right now since it will cause his body to produce even less natural testosterone. So, we are hoping that his levels increase naturally. OP, I would ask your son if he wants to check his hormone levels.

His hormones are normal and his testosterone is high.

Leave him alone. He's normal, and doesn't want to date anyone right now. The important thing is that he has the social skills to allow him to date in the future if he wants. Sounds like he does, so I wouldn't worry about it.

+1 07:41 PP here.
If all his hormone levels are good, then you just need to back off. Maybe he just wants to get a rise out of you. Maybe he just feels a lot of pressure from you. Maybe he is gay and is processing and doesn't want to think about it. Who knows. But he's 19... he has time to figure it out on his own without your worry and pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this happened to me. He's gay and doesn't want to tell you.

This is what I’d think though I forgave a cousin on the die truck who I could see saying this. He is t social and doesn’t go to parties though.

[Anonymous]

He's probably telling you he is "asexual" to get you to leave him alone OP. He's 19, in college, and will start to explore whatever he feels on his own timeline, leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

I have a AuADHD teen, but I am purely speaking as a mother of an 18 year old. What kid likes talking about his sex life with his mother? Even our mature, practical autistic kids. He is a regular teen trying to navigate dating in a tough world - he doesn’t want you asking/prying. It is easiest to say he is asexual and get you off his back. Let him be.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird that you know whether he hooks up at parties or not. Do kids really tell their parents this stuff? I'm a female and I never told my parents about anything of the sort (one way or other), and neither did my brothers. Pretty sure my peers didn't either. When you're 19, it's none of your parents' business. Do kids really come home and tell their parents this stuff??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird that you know whether he hooks up at parties or not. Do kids really tell their parents this stuff? I'm a female and I never told my parents about anything of the sort (one way or other), and neither did my brothers. Pretty sure my peers didn't either. When you're 19, it's none of your parents' business. Do kids really come home and tell their parents this stuff??!!

No they don't. Only on DCUM do parents think they know everything about their kids' college sex lives. I'm incredibly close to my college daughter and we talk on the phone every day but I still have no idea if she's hooked up with guys. I think not but I haven't been been her 24/7 and unless I'm there I have no way of knowing what she's done. People are complex.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the problem. If he is ok with himself and his life, why aren’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the problem. If he is ok with himself and his life, why aren’t you?

+1

[Anonymous]

Watch he’ll get a GF within the year and it’ll be all drama, or a nasty break-up, and Mom will be worrying about *that*.

Just let him be.