Missed deadline for parenting class in divorce- how bad is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

I can see why you are getting a divorce. You are either a troll or a man child with a serious accountability problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

Yeah, see ... you don't get it.

You think this "4 hour class that I don't even need" is less important than work because you are unable to look closely enough at yourself to see that it is your kids that are actually less important to you. An almost incredible lack of insight. So depressing and I feel for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

Attorneys counsel, advise and represent in court. They don't babysit, which is what you claim you need. If you can't handle something as basic as scheduling and attending a parenting class that is actually required for you to ask for custody of your children, then you need to hire a personal assistant. They cost a lot less per hour than attorneys btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

I don’t understand what you’re saying; you’re the one who filed for divorce, so this is happening on timing that YOU imposed. Didn’t you think any of through or make plans before filing?

Honestly I thought DW would want to leave the house and set up her own place once she saw that I had filed so she wouldn’t have to prolong things. And I travel enough that if she didn’t, I figured that I could stay in hotels in between work trips and see the kids in our old house and that she would go to a friend’s house or hotel during those times. My attorney said nesting was a very likely arrangement and that seemed like the best option financially but DW flat out rejected that.

Omg, there’s so much magical thinking on your and your attorney’s parts, now I do think you’re a troll. If your wife has been the primary caregiver at home with the kids while you worked long hours at a demanding job and traveled frequently, it’s absurd that anyone would think that she would voluntarily move out of the house. This weekend, start looking at housing. Sign a lease as soon as you can. Once you move in, take the kids out shopping for the items they’ll need for their new rooms. That can be part of what you do with them during your custodial time.

Yeah, either this whole thing is made up or OP is not being truthful about what their attorney advised or OP truly has no idea what their attorney said (likely as they had no idea what their obligations were, either, per this post). No attorney is going to tell someone that "nesting was a very likely arrangement." There are no "likely" arrangements or outcomes with this stuff with divorcing couples. In fact a DW who has been served with a divorce petition is "unlikely" to leave her home for "a hotel" or "a friend's house" while the man divorcing her stays there periodically. And any divorce attorney knows this well. Not a "likely arrangement" at all, even if it is an option to be pursued. The lawyer probably mentioned it as something some couples do, and OP -- in all the cluelessness they have shown here -- heard "likely" for no reason at all other than it sounded convenient for them.

[Anonymous]

I am confused why a course in co-parenting during a contentious divorce is something you think you don't need.

It sounds like exactly what you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP.

"Nobody reminded me."

"My wife squeezed me out."

Is there anything that's your fault? I doubt it. You're completely delusional and I can completely understand why your wife has no interest in a nesting arrangement with you.

Your kids are lucky they have your wife.

In psychology the term for this is "outer locus of control." In regular life we just call it "loser."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

Stop making excuses and just schedule something for the earliest date humanly possible. Have a really good reason for missing the deadline. I suggest you and your attorney figure out how you will explain it to the judge besides just that you were busy. You should also have an excuse about why you did not petition for an extension to the deadline. Pointing to your soon to be ex-wife and noting that she is not busy is not going to be a good look for you.

Going forward, do these things at the earliest opportunity, instead of waiting. It will serve you better and also make you look good that you got a jump on the things you are supposed to be doing as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

How are you going to handle 50/50 custody?

Obviously I'll find a way to make it work. If I put in the time now that will give me more flexibility and income later and I think anyone would understand that.

This kind of man is always promising to be a good father soon. But it never quite happens.

Your children need you now. Get it together. This was a little taste of what life is like when you don't have a wife to pick up your slack, be your assistant, and accommodate your Mr. I Have A Job I'm So Important routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

Oh no. That's not how this works. On your custody time you will be thinking about them. And you will be responsible for any surprises that come up. Like if they get sick at school, that's on you to deal with. It will no longer be your wife's job to back you up and bail you out, because you divorced her so you get no more wife-work from her. Your job will not be an excuse. So you will be thinking about your children often. You will not be compartmentalizing and passively going along with your wife as lead parenting the way married men do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

You should not have filed for divorce without making a plan for this! FFS.

And your attorney is a moron if he thinks your wife will vacate the home so you can have convenient custody time. Look, she's not your wife anymore. She's not going to be helping you with administrative things and facilitating your parenting and accommodating your work schedule anymore. "I'm divorcing you and I also want to kick you out of your house for several hours a week" is not going to go over well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

I don’t understand what you’re saying; you’re the one who filed for divorce, so this is happening on timing that YOU imposed. Didn’t you think any of through or make plans before filing?

Honestly I thought DW would want to leave the house and set up her own place once she saw that I had filed so she wouldn’t have to prolong things. And I travel enough that if she didn’t, I figured that I could stay in hotels in between work trips and see the kids in our old house and that she would go to a friend’s house or hotel during those times. My attorney said nesting was a very likely arrangement and that seemed like the best option financially but DW flat out rejected that.

Omg, there’s so much magical thinking on your and your attorney’s parts, now I do think you’re a troll. If your wife has been the primary caregiver at home with the kids while you worked long hours at a demanding job and traveled frequently, it’s absurd that anyone would think that she would voluntarily move out of the house. This weekend, start looking at housing. Sign a lease as soon as you can. Once you move in, take the kids out shopping for the items they’ll need for their new rooms. That can be part of what you do with them during your custodial time.

It’s not crazy at all. During an argument DW said she was going to leave and get an apartment if things didn’t change. She was the one who said she was going to move out, and my attorney said nesting is a totally standard thing now and that I would have been remiss to not ask for it. It’s ridiculous that I have to pay for a separate apartment and have to furnish it using my own assets and salary. It should at least come from marital assets.

Oh for Pete's sake. She said she was going to get an apartment because she thinks that's what a divorcing parent should do! She does not want nesting. That's now what nesting is! She didn't say"I'm going to get a hotel room and expect you to get a hotel room when I want time with the kids." Nesting is not standard because it requires a level of communication and cooperation that many people are not up to.

Divorce is expensive and you should not have filed without a financial plan. If you're going to be petty over buying some Ikea furniture it will be a rough ride. Sorry your very important job doesn't pay enough for you to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

How are you going to handle 50/50 custody?

Obviously I'll find a way to make it work. If I put in the time now that will give me more flexibility and income later and I think anyone would understand that.

This kind of man is always promising to be a good father soon. But it never quite happens.

Your children need you now. Get it together. This was a little taste of what life is like when you don't have a wife to pick up your slack, be your assistant, and accommodate your Mr. I Have A Job I'm So Important routine.

He was just about to be dad of the year, okay? He just need sto wrap up this last thing. Finish that project. Wind down the engagement. It’s always something. But he’ll keep telling himself that when it matters he’ll figure it out. He doesn’t mean it. Or else he doesn’t understand what it actually takes. He won’t tell work no, but he will tell his kids to wait, and he’ll make it up to them, and he’s doing this all for them. Soon enough they will be grown and out of the house and see him for the disappointment he is, still making empty promises.

[Anonymous]

Ok so... Your attorney was supposed to remind you about the class as if they're a secretary (or, I suspect, how your wife would have reminded you if you weren't divorcing her). Your wife is supposed to vacate her home to allow you parenting time without having to get an apartment. Your wife is supposed to pay for your new place out of marital assets. It seems like you're expecting a lot of others. You need to accept that divorce means you stand on your own feet and stop leaning on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so... Your attorney was supposed to remind you about the class as if they're a secretary (or, I suspect, how your wife would have reminded you if you weren't divorcing her). Your wife is supposed to vacate her home to allow you parenting time without having to get an apartment. Your wife is supposed to pay for your new place out of marital assets. It seems like you're expecting a lot of others. You need to accept that divorce means you stand on your own feet and stop leaning on others.

He’ll be engaged to another wife-mother-maid-secretary within 6 mos. Rinse/repeat a couple times maybe. He’ll get it too late to form a meaningful relationship with the third set of kids. Better hope wife #4 is young with nursing aspirations.