Missed deadline for parenting class in divorce- how bad is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the parenting class end up a requirement? Is that because of your jurisdiction, or did you wife ask for it?

In MD, if you’ve filed for divorce without having a custody agreement in place for minor children, you are required to take the parenting class.

To be clear, both parties are required to take it, not just the petitioner.

Yeah but the wife has plenty of time to take the class because, according to OP, she "does nothing."

Except, uh, take care of the kids every day. Op can’t even make the time for a 4h class, he’s not fit to take care of these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

OMG do you hear yourself?!

I don’t think you will get 50% custody. Your language on this forum illustrates the way you think. I don’t think you will be able to hide what a horrible person you are. Is by some miracle you do get 50%, I feel sorry for your children.

No one here knows the kind of person I am. I work hard and am doing my best to improve my life and that will improve my kid’s life. My wife has taken advantage of me for too long and thinks that she should get more custody and time with the kids just because she’s their mom. She’s squeezed me out and doesn’t give me room to be the kind of dad I can be and that’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be getting a divorce. My kids will be happier with a happier dad.

One day I hope that you will understand that this is never true, and could not possible be true. I had a rough few years with my husband when he claimed the same thing. And then the kids grew up and he realized that he'd messed up his parenting all by his little own self. I was parenting all along. He was not pulling his weight. Guess who the kids like best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

lol. My ex also believed I had an unfair advantage by staying in our house (that I pay for) that made my kid prefer my house. It’s amazing that men can’t accept that there are consequences to their decision to ignore their kids and let their wife be the default parent. You can’t just turn these things on and off.

I don’t know if you have a good case for 50-50. But I suggest that you honestly think about what is best *for the kids* not what you think you deserve (or your ex does not deserve).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

Doubling down on not meeting your responsibilities, I see. Please don't waste your or our time with that nonsense.
OP, it is so much more respectable if you would own your mistake out right instead of offering up excuses. The poor excuses make you look weak.

I hear what you are saying. I am just really tired of feeling like the bad guy just because I was the one who filed when my wife could have just as easily filed first, and probably would have eventually, and I know she will fling this mistake in my face at some point.

I'm going to take some time this weekend to be angry at the process and myself and then regroup Monday and try to own this.

I hope she flings this in your face every chance she gets. She knows what kind of person you are so this was probably not remotely surprising. Who will pick up the pieces of your life for you now?

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

How are you going to handle 50/50 custody?

Obviously I'll find a way to make it work. If I put in the time now that will give me more flexibility and income later and I think anyone would understand that.

I hope this is a troll. There's no way you're this oblivious and self-centered.

+1
For the sake of all children, I pray this is just rage bait.

No, sadly, there’s a whole law firm that specializes in stroking the egos of men like this and telling them that they can get 50/50 so they don’t pay CS.

My XH was regular shitty before he hired them. Then, their forum rotted his brain and we had 11 years of litigation abuse before a judge finally stopped him.

I’m using a perfectly legitimate firm. I am not doing this to avoid child support, but if anything DW is working overtime to minimize her imputed income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

Listen to yourself:

Your children will affect your work schedule.

You think you will only be responsible for them 50/50.

You are still responsible for child during the other 50% of the time. Maybe you aren’t making a school lunch or driving them to gymnastic practice, but you are still responsible.

*laughs in working mom.* this absolute failure of a man somehow thinks that it is impossible to work and parent at the same time? What a loser.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP.

"Nobody reminded me."

"My wife squeezed me out."

Is there anything that's your fault? I doubt it. You're completely delusional and I can completely understand why your wife has no interest in a nesting arrangement with you.

Your kids are lucky they have your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

I don’t understand what you’re saying; you’re the one who filed for divorce, so this is happening on timing that YOU imposed. Didn’t you think any of through or make plans before filing?

Honestly I thought DW would want to leave the house and set up her own place once she saw that I had filed so she wouldn’t have to prolong things. And I travel enough that if she didn’t, I figured that I could stay in hotels in between work trips and see the kids in our old house and that she would go to a friend’s house or hotel during those times. My attorney said nesting was a very likely arrangement and that seemed like the best option financially but DW flat out rejected that.

Omg, there’s so much magical thinking on your and your attorney’s parts, now I do think you’re a troll. If your wife has been the primary caregiver at home with the kids while you worked long hours at a demanding job and traveled frequently, it’s absurd that anyone would think that she would voluntarily move out of the house. This weekend, start looking at housing. Sign a lease as soon as you can. Once you move in, take the kids out shopping for the items they’ll need for their new rooms. That can be part of what you do with them during your custodial time.

It’s not crazy at all. During an argument DW said she was going to leave and get an apartment if things didn’t change. She was the one who said she was going to move out, and my attorney said nesting is a totally standard thing now and that I would have been remiss to not ask for it. It’s ridiculous that I have to pay for a separate apartment and have to furnish it using my own assets and salary. It should at least come from marital assets.

You’re still legally married. Has there been any court ruling dividing up your assets and financial obligations? If not, you can use marital funds. Just check with your lawyer first.

[Anonymous]

This illustrates my belief that no one has it all. Men are expected to work and bring home at least half, if not more, of the household income. Men and women who work long hours miss out on hands-on parenting, which if done right, is the bedrock of the relationship between a child and their parent.

OP, as a man, you cannot expect to be the high earner, delegate the parenting to others, and then complain that your kids prefer your wife. This is usually what happens. If you had spent more time nurturing your relationship with your children, you might be on a stronger footing today. Your wife hasn't done nothing all day. She's built a relationship with her kids. This is worth more than its weight in gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This illustrates my belief that no one has it all. Men are expected to work and bring home at least half, if not more, of the household income. Men and women who work long hours miss out on hands-on parenting, which if done right, is the bedrock of the relationship between a child and their parent.

OP, as a man, you cannot expect to be the high earner, delegate the parenting to others, and then complain that your kids prefer your wife. This is usually what happens. If you had spent more time nurturing your relationship with your children, you might be on a stronger footing today. Your wife hasn't done nothing all day. She's built a relationship with her kids. This is worth more than its weight in gold.

OP should also recognize that the fact that his wife was available to care for the kids 24/7 is the only reason he has been able to lean in at work like he has, put in such long hours, and travel for work frequently. It’s a whole different ballgame when you have to rely on cobbled together paid help on the domestic front in order to meet your job’s demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

I don’t understand what you’re saying; you’re the one who filed for divorce, so this is happening on timing that YOU imposed. Didn’t you think any of through or make plans before filing?

Honestly I thought DW would want to leave the house and set up her own place once she saw that I had filed so she wouldn’t have to prolong things. And I travel enough that if she didn’t, I figured that I could stay in hotels in between work trips and see the kids in our old house and that she would go to a friend’s house or hotel during those times. My attorney said nesting was a very likely arrangement and that seemed like the best option financially but DW flat out rejected that.

Omg, there’s so much magical thinking on your and your attorney’s parts, now I do think you’re a troll. If your wife has been the primary caregiver at home with the kids while you worked long hours at a demanding job and traveled frequently, it’s absurd that anyone would think that she would voluntarily move out of the house. This weekend, start looking at housing. Sign a lease as soon as you can. Once you move in, take the kids out shopping for the items they’ll need for their new rooms. That can be part of what you do with them during your custodial time.

It’s not crazy at all. During an argument DW said she was going to leave and get an apartment if things didn’t change. She was the one who said she was going to move out, and my attorney said nesting is a totally standard thing now and that I would have been remiss to not ask for it. It’s ridiculous that I have to pay for a separate apartment and have to furnish it using my own assets and salary. It should at least come from marital assets.

You’re still legally married. Has there been any court ruling dividing up your assets and financial obligations? If not, you can use marital funds. Just check with your lawyer first.

You need a new lawyer. Nesting is accepted, but it is not standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

And here it is "class I don't even need"

Dude you absolutely need that class period, full stop.

Either you follow the court's rules or you don't get your kids.

A four-hour class is about 6 hours which includes travel time.

What the hell will you do when one of your kids gets sick? Or has an emergency? Not going to leave that job of yours for a few hours?

Zero empathy for your complaint. You made the mistake fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

OMG do you hear yourself?!

I don’t think you will get 50% custody. Your language on this forum illustrates the way you think. I don’t think you will be able to hide what a horrible person you are. Is by some miracle you do get 50%, I feel sorry for your children.

No one here knows the kind of person I am. I work hard and am doing my best to improve my life and that will improve my kid’s life. My wife has taken advantage of me for too long and thinks that she should get more custody and time with the kids just because she’s their mom. She’s squeezed me out and doesn’t give me room to be the kind of dad I can be and that’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be getting a divorce. My kids will be happier with a happier dad.

What you’ve shown us so far is really not good.

A family court judge is going to be very unimpressed with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

How are you going to handle 50/50 custody?

Obviously I'll find a way to make it work. If I put in the time now that will give me more flexibility and income later and I think anyone would understand that.

You have kids NOW. Ignoring them now so you can do 50/50 later doesn’t work. They already exist, and you’re not prioritizing them.

Just sign up for the class. The soonest available.

NP. This, x infinity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

This is all theoretical and that's the problem. You can't choose to prioritize parenting when it's convenient. You have to prioritize it NOW and stop making excuses.

I don't think it's fair to expect that before I've had time to rearrange my life; I don't even have time to set up a place for them to visit at yet. My wife is in our family house and since she has a head start in terms of having a place for them to be where they're already comfortable, I should get time to adjust my work schedule, figure out housing, etc.

I don’t understand what you’re saying; you’re the one who filed for divorce, so this is happening on timing that YOU imposed. Didn’t you think any of through or make plans before filing?

Honestly I thought DW would want to leave the house and set up her own place once she saw that I had filed so she wouldn’t have to prolong things. And I travel enough that if she didn’t, I figured that I could stay in hotels in between work trips and see the kids in our old house and that she would go to a friend’s house or hotel during those times. My attorney said nesting was a very likely arrangement and that seemed like the best option financially but DW flat out rejected that.

Omg, there’s so much magical thinking on your and your attorney’s parts, now I do think you’re a troll. If your wife has been the primary caregiver at home with the kids while you worked long hours at a demanding job and traveled frequently, it’s absurd that anyone would think that she would voluntarily move out of the house. This weekend, start looking at housing. Sign a lease as soon as you can. Once you move in, take the kids out shopping for the items they’ll need for their new rooms. That can be part of what you do with them during your custodial time.

It’s not crazy at all. During an argument DW said she was going to leave and get an apartment if things didn’t change. She was the one who said she was going to move out, and my attorney said nesting is a totally standard thing now and that I would have been remiss to not ask for it. It’s ridiculous that I have to pay for a separate apartment and have to furnish it using my own assets and salary. It should at least come from marital assets.

You’re still legally married. Has there been any court ruling dividing up your assets and financial obligations? If not, you can use marital funds. Just check with your lawyer first.

No, no, don’t do this. You should not use marital funds to set up a new household after separation or filing, especially if you are the sole or high earner. Use your own post-filing income and do so modestly lest you be accused of dissipation of assets.