Missed deadline for parenting class in divorce- how bad is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has to be a troll. Way too cliche with all the male entitlement thinking rules don't apply to them.

It's a probably a woman posting from the POV of her STBX. It's too much of a caricature. It simply doesn't ring true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has to be a troll. Way too cliche with all the male entitlement thinking rules don't apply to them.

It's a probably a woman posting from the POV of her STBX. It's too much of a caricature. It simply doesn't ring true.

I’m a woman currently in the process of getting a divorce and the support group I’m in for women in high-conflict divorce or custody situations is basically full of people with husbands or ex-husbands like this.

My own STBX is definitely in the “why can’t I have custody when it’s convenient for me” camp, although he is smart enough to not be as obvious about it as OP. Instead he tries to suss out my schedule and then suggest times that are really convenient for him and pretend they’re a gift to me and he’s just super cooperative and a great figure co-parent.

Like I won’t notice that he’s just happening to “give” me Super Bowl weekend, the weekend of some big stupid soccer thing in Europe, the week he always had to go to a major conference in Las Vegas, etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

You sound like a real prize.

And this is indicative of the fact that your children will be attended to only when your are not busy with other things.

And you have no respect for the woman who has been putting them first since they were born.

(Your salary has no bearing on whether you deserve being responsible for your children’s welfare half time. I have my doubts.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

I strongly support you say nothing in front of the judge. You present horribly.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is a very lucky women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making excuses for why this parenting class wasn't a priority. You're a grown adult - you shouldn't need your mommy reminding you of when you need to be where.

I work for attorneys and just a couple weeks ago watched one leave a conference early to fly to Chicago in order to support his daughter running a marathon. When your kids are important to you, you prioritize them. You didn't prioritize your kids.

I think that working 60 hours a week to make money for my kids should be considered more important than a 4 hour class that I don't even need.

How are you going to handle 50/50 custody?

SUCH a critical question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

OMG do you hear yourself?!

I don’t think you will get 50% custody. Your language on this forum illustrates the way you think. I don’t think you will be able to hide what a horrible person you are. Is by some miracle you do get 50%, I feel sorry for your children.

No one here knows the kind of person I am. I work hard and am doing my best to improve my life and that will improve my kid’s life. My wife has taken advantage of me for too long and thinks that she should get more custody and time with the kids just because she’s their mom. She’s squeezed me out and doesn’t give me room to be the kind of dad I can be and that’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be getting a divorce. My kids will be happier with a happier dad.

The best thing for your kids would to not be from a broken home but too late for that. You should probably just give your wife full custody as you don't seem cut out for parenthood.

NP. Just chiming in to say that's not necessarily true. My parents divorced before I was double digits and my dad was a WAY better dad after the divorce. My mom was worse. It was stressful when they were married with constant fighting and when they weren't, but eventually it was a net positive.

[Anonymous]

PP to say my mom initiated the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, seriously, grow up.

You just thought it would fall into place?

Which seems to be your same plan for when you have custody.

Parenting does not allow for a “time out” while you get yourself organized

You sound incredibly entitlef. I can tell you had a wife doing all of this for you up to now. And you describe that demanding work as doing nothing.

Good God man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

What two things is your focus being split between now?

Also, did you not know the time of the parenting class? I am confused.

There were different class times to sign up for but I didn't realize how it worked until it was too late; I assumed my attorney would present me with options and make sure I took care of it.

My focus now is being split between family and work. I think that 50/50 custody would let me go all-in at work when I don't have the kids and be more present for them when I do, and I think it will be better for them than before divorce.

How quickly does everyone think this guy will remarry? He literally needs someone holding his hand at all times, telling him what to do. How on earth do you even have a job if you can’t think for yourself?!

A female books his work travel. Takes his phone calls when he is in the road. Vacuums his office. Makes his hotel bed. Cooks his food and washes his clothes.

That is how he does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you actually want 50/50, OP? If you're having this much trouble managing your job plus the basic logistics of divorce, can you really do 50% of all kid hassles, kid appointments, kid homework management, kid activities, etc? She won't be the lead parent anymore-- you'll have to pull your weight and not follow her lead and have her as backup so much.

It's all too common for men to claim to want 50/50 because that's socially acceptable or it minimizes their child support payment, but then they don't actually want it and don't actually do it. Really ask yourself how this is going to work with your job, and remember, she can keep track of all the times you don't use your parenting days and use that to get more child support.

50% is totally doable and I don't know why everyone is convinced that I don't want it or can't make it work. If I get long weekends, most other weekends, breaks during the school year, and the beginning and end of summer break plus weekends in the summer, that is very close to 50% and might even be more. It isn't a big deal to make that fit around my job.

You just think they will basically slide into the schedule you are used to.

And your wife will take on any and all unexpected sicknesses.

That is down right laughable.

First of all, the summer school break is ten weeks long. You have commuted to less than 3.

What if they are up all night with a fever or throwing up, and she scheduled an important presentation or work trip, because it is when you have the kids.

You are absolutely demonstrating that you have done little to no parenting up to now. You are in for a very rude awakening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The process is annoying, but having children in your care can be annoying and unpredictable and they will mess with your schedule. You have to show that you can handle this. Nothing you're saying would convince me.

I think that they will actually affect my schedule far less if I can get 50/50 and know when I need to be responsible for them and then be able to focus on work the rest of the time, and if anything I will be a better parent after divorce because I will not have my focus split all of the time between two things.

Listen to yourself:

Your children will affect your work schedule.

You think you will only be responsible for them 50/50.

You are still responsible for child during the other 50% of the time. Maybe you aren’t making a school lunch or driving them to gymnastic practice, but you are still responsible.

You must also realize that they get sick in the middle of the night sometimes and 50% of that will be on your schedule and at some of the worst possible times. Then there are summers where they are home all day everyday for weeks in end.

Ignoring the other digs at me in this thread, summer is easy to handle:

I can take them for ~10 days in the beginning of the summer for vacation and ~10 days at the end of August for vacation, which is what we've always done as a family. I don't see why that should have to change and it would give the kids continuity. DW has always been the one that decided what they do in the middle of that so she can be responsible for figuring out the weekdays and I can get enough weekends that with the ~20 days of vacation plus maybe Fourth of July weekend and Father's Day weekend every year it will add up to 50% of their summer break.

Re: sick days:

I don't see why our arrangements for sick days should have to change either. DW has far more personal days at her job than I do and always has, and she has handled the sick days for that reason. I think that given that the kids will be dependent on both of our incomes it is reasonable to negotiate into the settlement that as long as DW's work benefits stay the same, she should be the one to take off of work for the kids' sick days and/or handle pickup if we get a call from school.

You say crap like "DW has always been the one" and "I don't see why our arrangement has to change." But news flash...EVERYTHING is about the change. EVERYTHING. Get on board and stop seeing your exwife as the useful idiot whose job it is to make your life easier. You want 50/50 custody, be prepared to so it. That includes weekdays, school days, and summer days.

This quote is pure gold:

“ stop seeing your exwife as the useful idiot whose job it is to make your life easier.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

Just from reading two of your responses. I wouldn't trust you to take care of an artificial plant. How old is this child who will be in your care because I suspect the child is more responsible and mature than you.

Another gem, “ I wouldn't trust you to take care of an artificial plant.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw that if domestic violence is involved I can be excused from having to attend the class. If my wife hit me and I have proof, would that give me grounds to be allowed to not attend the class?

*I* feel like hitting you right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone mandated to take a parenting class whose first instinct is to blame his attorney, I'm going to guess it won't go well for you.

The best you can do is register right now, today, with a start date as soon as possible and show the court you are working in good faith to correct YOUR error.

You may also want to look at your tendency to overlook deadlines and shift blame. You may find other things that will help you improve yourself and your co-parenting abilities.

I've been really busy with travel and work and I really don't think it should be held against me if I'm the higher earning and primary provider for the family. DW has time to do it on time because she doesn't do anything.

Just from reading two of your responses. I wouldn't trust you to take care of an artificial plant. How old is this child who will be in your care because I suspect the child is more responsible and mature than you.

Another gem, “ I wouldn't trust you to take care of an artificial plant.”

My personal fave too.