SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

What does the working status have to do with any of this?

Great question, ask the aunts if this was brought up as a reason for the selection!

I think that the OP probably thinks the SIL has more time for this sort of thing because she doesn’t have a paid job and OP sees the job of SAHP as “not working.” So SIL has more time to help the aunts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

It's not defensiveness but some of you are looking for ill intent. Why are you so suspicious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Everyone understands. OP’s level of altruism cannot be missed. Those who do so must not be excused for failing to acknowledge the universal truth that a childless woman in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a nephew or niece like OP on whom to bestow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

DP. I don't know these people. I have no reason to believe SIL is honest, but I have no reason to believe she is conniving, either. I don't understand why so many are taking the OP's word for it, when the OP hasn't even really described any alarming behavior from the SIL. For example, if she said SIL sat by auntie's bedside and refused to let anyone else enter, that would be one thing, but all she said is SIL sent nice letters and emails. Those could have been cloying but they could also not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

+1

I feel bad for the parents and the little cousins. This is the stuff that drives wedges. And the SIL and aunt know that and like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

It's not defensiveness but some of you are looking for ill intent. Why are you so suspicious?

Why are YOU assuming Op had no relationship with her aunts?

In fact she wrote that she did, and for her whole life, and continues to see them when in town annually.

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume this is the result of your SIL’s machinations and not your brother’s?

[Anonymous]

Why feel bad? Auntie can do what she likes with her money. Why would the little cousins even be aware of this situation? Unless OP is passing along her feelings of entitlement to her little kids.

[Anonymous]

Could be rewritten:

I don't talk to my aunts very much, but my brother and his wife do. His wife has been helping them out in dealing with end of life care. I'm very greedy and better get their money when they die.

[Anonymous]

Can you elaborate on what her job will entail with both aunts? Is it executed and trustee? Are they complicated estates? Will she also manage their care? Do you have any idea how time consuming these jobs are and how much it costs to hire people? Is she also POA and emergency contact?

[Anonymous]

Why would you have been involved in any of these discussions? It sounds like they don't have anything to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you have been involved in any of these discussions? It sounds like they don't have anything to do with you.

This. Your aunts’ financial affairs are none of your business. None of my aunts and uncles have discussed their wills with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

There you go: you don't schmooze, you lose. I guess you should have been more involved, in-person or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you have been involved in any of these discussions? It sounds like they don't have anything to do with you.

Lol. Isn’t that OP’s question, wtf happened here.