SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

What does the working status have to do with any of this?

Great question, ask the aunts if this was brought up as a reason for the selection!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

None of this matters. No one should plan around an inheritance from a childless aunt or take issue about something like this.

Move on with your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

Mystery solved: "she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concern". This is all it took. She showed up, cared or pretended to care, and that's what this aunt wanted. OP didn't do any of that. Why not? Too busy working?

[Anonymous]

I have never been interested in other people's money, but I am good at organization and managing money. I'm the executor on my aunt, my parents and my inlaw's will. I'm not even getting anything from doing it (maybe on my aunt's- not sure).

[Anonymous]

Nosy drama people like nosy drama people.
That’s how it happened.
They also avoid the non drama nosy people, and don’t disclose their nosiness and gossip to others.

[Anonymous]

So, she spent time with them and they rewarded that? What's the issue?

I never inherited anything from my aunts or uncles, nor did I ever expect to. My aunt who didn't have kids left all her money to a charity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

None of this matters. No one should plan around an inheritance from a childless aunt or take issue about something like this.

Move on with your own life.

Actually the lesson here is you SHOULD make an assertive and direct move to be involved in your far away childless aunt’s estate matters.

Just going to dinner together or reunions each year doesn’t cut it. You need to make a direct proposal about how much you care and will help, and how much others don’t and won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

+1
I don’t like secret deals and secrets. I would hope my adult children and my elderly siblings discuss this sort of thing together, not behind the scenes with one person only.
But we have a pretty functional and communicative family, so if this happened I would be disappointed in several people, mostly my son for having his wife cut off his sibling this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, she spent time with them and they rewarded that? What's the issue?

SIL was being nice to the aunts. What a beeyotch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

+1
I don’t like secret deals and secrets. I would hope my adult children and my elderly siblings discuss this sort of thing together, not behind the scenes with one person only.
But we have a pretty functional and communicative family, so if this happened I would be disappointed in several people, mostly my son for having his wife cut off his sibling this way.

The thing is these are aunts, not parents. I can understand a sibling feeling blindsided or betrayed, and the concept that parents should sit down with all their adult children and discuss estate planning openly. This is the aunts' business. It's not even clear if OP's parent is the only sibling with children. There could be cousins. I don't think aunts are obligated to gather all nieces and nephews to discuss this, so I don't see that there anything "behind the scenes." OP is not close, only sees the aunts once or twice a year. The SIL forged a closer relationship (we don't know if she had ulterior motives). One of the aunts is not even leaving the money to BIL and SIL so truly has no reason to divulge anything. OP is not close and heard the information through the grapevine so clearly is not very involved, as is her right. But then it is not that OP was excluded, it's that these other family members are gossiping about the aunts.

[Anonymous]

Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

The case of the divorcing and sickly aunt changing her will to one heir not all is definitely investigatable. As is anyone in the hospital changing things from the usual equal splits to 100% XYZ.

According to the divorced uncle. He is the source of that information. Why would OP even be talking to him about any of this?

This is a good question - how did the disposition of your aunt's estate come up in conversation with her ex-husband, OP? What kind of conversation is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think that “donating” means the money is going to a worthy cause. My grandpas vast estate (that he inherited from his own parents) went to a televangelist Joel Osteen. I would have preferred anyone to get that money, particularly one of my cousins or a relative.

We said nothing when a cousin probably kept her aunt's money instead of donating to the 700 Club. Cousin could use it more than grifters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.