SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you have been involved in any of these discussions? It sounds like they don't have anything to do with you.

This. Your aunts’ financial affairs are none of your business. None of my aunts and uncles have discussed their wills with me.

That’s cuz your sibling’s spouse did a direct campaign! MYOB indeed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

DP. I don't know these people. I have no reason to believe SIL is honest, but I have no reason to believe she is conniving, either. I don't understand why so many are taking the OP's word for it, when the OP hasn't even really described any alarming behavior from the SIL. For example, if she said SIL sat by auntie's bedside and refused to let anyone else enter, that would be one thing, but all she said is SIL sent nice letters and emails. Those could have been cloying but they could also not be.

Sorry I missed that. Do you write direct letters to your spouse’s divorcing and sickly aunt to offer your out of state services and help?

Is that what we in laws should all be unilaterally and silently doing?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recency bias is real OP. Forget the last 50 years, all that matters is the last few.

Unfortunately this ended up as a First Come, First Served situation and the relatives didn’t care that it was a spouse of a relative nor to ask around.

Bear in mind, the executioner of a will can, in reality, do whatever s/he wants with the house, money, art, vehicles, or even body. That’s the prize. That’s why an aunt would want the most truthworthy non-family member following the orders— surely an out of state schmoozing spouse of a nephew…

Sorry Op, you’ve all been had. That’s why it’s a secret.

How can the executor do whatever they want with the house when there are other heirs? I also do not see how an executor could do whatever they want with anything that can be tracked, like money.

I need to track a will, its directives, and where the assets and money exactly went too.
How do I do this? Who do I call?
If there was no public record will but a revocable trust outside of probate, how does one check that everything was followed?

No one can check that. Jokes on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

DP. I don't know these people. I have no reason to believe SIL is honest, but I have no reason to believe she is conniving, either. I don't understand why so many are taking the OP's word for it, when the OP hasn't even really described any alarming behavior from the SIL. For example, if she said SIL sat by auntie's bedside and refused to let anyone else enter, that would be one thing, but all she said is SIL sent nice letters and emails. Those could have been cloying but they could also not be.

Sorry I missed that. Do you write direct letters to your spouse’s divorcing and sickly aunt to offer your out of state services and help?

Is that what we in laws should all be unilaterally and silently doing?!

Why wouldn’t you reach out to help a family member in need?

[Anonymous]

Especially to get the scoop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Is it really conniving? Why does the SIL owe it to OP to talk about her relationship with the aunt? Nobody stopped OP from pursuing her own relationship, she chose not to.

Why are some of you so defensive?

DP. I don't know these people. I have no reason to believe SIL is honest, but I have no reason to believe she is conniving, either. I don't understand why so many are taking the OP's word for it, when the OP hasn't even really described any alarming behavior from the SIL. For example, if she said SIL sat by auntie's bedside and refused to let anyone else enter, that would be one thing, but all she said is SIL sent nice letters and emails. Those could have been cloying but they could also not be.

Sorry I missed that. Do you write direct letters to your spouse’s divorcing and sickly aunt to offer your out of state services and help?

Is that what we in laws should all be unilaterally and silently doing?!

Well if you don’t mind gossiping with your aunt’s ex-husband about her estate as she’s sick and dying, what other lows would you stoop to? Doesn’t seem that much of a reach. Two vultures got played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be rewritten:

I don't talk to my aunts very much, but my brother and his wife do. His wife has been helping them out in dealing with end of life care. I'm very greedy and better get their money when they die.

yeah, this. the SIL being a SAHM also seems to indicate that she's someone who cares about caretaking and relationships. So now, she is actually getting some financial reward as karma for that. I find it entirely believable that the aunts actually grew fond of her, because she reached out and was supportive.


OP sounds confused because she sees every action in terms of the monetary reward and doesn't understand caretaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be rewritten:

I don't talk to my aunts very much, but my brother and his wife do. His wife has been helping them out in dealing with end of life care. I'm very greedy and better get their money when they die.

yeah, this. the SIL being a SAHM also seems to indicate that she's someone who cares about caretaking and relationships. So now, she is actually getting some financial reward as karma for that. I find it entirely believable that the aunts actually grew fond of her, because she reached out and was supportive.


OP sounds confused because she sees every action in terms of the monetary reward and doesn't understand caretaking.

This has been going on 5+ years according to OP. This SIL is in it for the long haul. So what if the aunts feel like sharing some of their wealth with her? The companionship and attention probably meant a lot to them. SIL certainly put in the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be rewritten:

I don't talk to my aunts very much, but my brother and his wife do. His wife has been helping them out in dealing with end of life care. I'm very greedy and better get their money when they die.

yeah, this. the SIL being a SAHM also seems to indicate that she's someone who cares about caretaking and relationships. So now, she is actually getting some financial reward as karma for that. I find it entirely believable that the aunts actually grew fond of her, because she reached out and was supportive.


OP sounds confused because she sees every action in terms of the monetary reward and doesn't understand caretaking.

You were doing so well and then you fell into the trap of thinking SAHPs care more and by extension, WOHPs don’t.

[Anonymous]

Spot on she cares about relationships and what can she do for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be rewritten:

I don't talk to my aunts very much, but my brother and his wife do. His wife has been helping them out in dealing with end of life care. I'm very greedy and better get their money when they die.

yeah, this. the SIL being a SAHM also seems to indicate that she's someone who cares about caretaking and relationships. So now, she is actually getting some financial reward as karma for that. I find it entirely believable that the aunts actually grew fond of her, because she reached out and was supportive.


OP sounds confused because she sees every action in terms of the monetary reward and doesn't understand caretaking.

You were doing so well and then you fell into the trap of thinking SAHPs care more and by extension, WOHPs don’t.

DP but often SAHPs are expected to have more free time and to willingly spend it on other people's problems because they're not doing something as important as "working." In this instance, that's evidently what SIL did. She kept in touch with these more distant relatives, for 5 years. She is in their confidence because of that effort. Either she did it because she cares enough about elderly family members to do it (very nice, why be upset that one of the aunts remembered her in her will after this?) or she did it because her time was considered disposable by OP and she was happy to dump the work of checking in on extended family on the SAHM (not nice, nor is it nice to be upset that her time has been ::gasp:: assigned a value by the aunt who made her executor).

If there was some allegation of elder abuse or manipulation I could see the outrage. But two adults making a choice of their own free will to either name this person in their will or trust her to carry out the disposition of their estate does not an abuse case make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

This.

You know their game, just be civil and know they aren’t forthright.

They’re was nothing stopping them from calling you up to say Aunt XYZ’s estate is all taken care of, I’ll just make sure it goes to that abc charity she talks about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

This.

You know their game, just be civil and know they aren’t forthright.

They’re was nothing stopping them from calling you up to say Aunt XYZ’s estate is all taken care of, I’ll just make sure it goes to that abc charity she talks about.

The aunt is even dead. The SIL owes no call to OP. Why hasn’t OP taken it upon herself to ask if aunts need help with anything given her vast experience, as we are told she has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

schmoozed or stayed in touch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

This.

You know their game, just be civil and know they aren’t forthright.

They’re was nothing stopping them from calling you up to say Aunt XYZ’s estate is all taken care of, I’ll just make sure it goes to that abc charity she talks about.

The aunt is even dead. The SIL owes no call to OP. Why hasn’t OP taken it upon herself to ask if aunts need help with anything given her vast experience, as we are told she has?

Oops she’s NOT dead.