Did you disclose your voice activated recording?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

Divorcing someone is suing someone.

Dissolving a contract isn't suing someone.

And how do you dissolve a contract?

You are almost there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just say you overheard him?

Because the recorder was in the car..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unethical Life Pro Tip: Before you confront him/divorce him, ask him to get a vasectomy. Your kids will survive the divorce but a second family will completely torch their relationship with their dad.

Now why on earth would he do that? ... Then for a wife who he's cheating on.
But ok ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can confront him with the voice recording, but you cannot use it in court if you recorded it in a state that requires two party consent.

What's he going to do to you if you show it to him in private? Nothing.

OP: I really need to know if this a route someone has taken. I don’t have any legit proof and he will want to portray me as crazy. The AP is a colleague and it is a very sensitive situation.

What are you trying to accomplish? You don’t need him to acknowledge any of this to divorce him. It won’t matter with respect to any financials. YOU know. Now, you just have to decide what to do. Personally, I would likely play the tape as part of the “I know and you can cut off contact immediately and get into therapy or I will strongly consider filing for divorce”. I think him filing a police report is less likely than me winning the lottery — because then the police would hear the tape.

But the whole premise of my marriage is fidelity and partnership. I can afford to split and keep the house myself. I can care for the kids on my own if I needed to (although I would expect him to be a super involved dad). I don’t need someone who would lie to my face repeatedly. Who cares if he tells people you are crazy? You just need to figure out what matters and stick to it.

Her earlier post explained that she wants to use the recording to extort a more favorable financial settlement out of him.

Not financial-just to use it to make him feel guilty and going therapy..it’s sad that our relation was based on friendship-it’s a 26 year long marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is an emotional affair ?

It's running to DCUM for validation and venting when you could be communicating with the spouse you married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

Leverage about what? Nobody cares if your spouse has an affair. There is nothing to lever here. I’m sorry, but wasting your time trying to hurt him is just that, a waste.

In Virginia it is a crime and can affect asset distribution and alimony. It is also very hard to prove

It really does not. You should Google better.

"adultery is technically a crime in Virginia, specifically a Class 4 misdemeanor"

Sigh. DP but their point was that it doesn't affect asset distribution and alimony. While you're at it, Google the last time someone was charged with adultery in Virginia. You'd be shocked to learn how many things are "crimes" in this state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

Leverage about what? Nobody cares if your spouse has an affair. There is nothing to lever here. I’m sorry, but wasting your time trying to hurt him is just that, a waste.

In Virginia it is a crime and can affect asset distribution and alimony. It is also very hard to prove

It really does not. You should Google better.

"adultery is technically a crime in Virginia, specifically a Class 4 misdemeanor"

The point is that it doesn't really affect alimony unless the person that would be receiving alimony was the one that cheated.

That … is affecting alimony.

Cheating doesn't generally affect alimony. LITERALLY NO ONE CARES.

[Anonymous]

Does his workplace have any policies against fraternization? You could always use that as your leverage, but thats playing with fire (if he gets fired).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

Leverage about what? Nobody cares if your spouse has an affair. There is nothing to lever here. I’m sorry, but wasting your time trying to hurt him is just that, a waste.

In Virginia it is a crime and can affect asset distribution and alimony. It is also very hard to prove

It really does not. You should Google better.

"adultery is technically a crime in Virginia, specifically a Class 4 misdemeanor"

The point is that it doesn't really affect alimony unless the person that would be receiving alimony was the one that cheated.

That … is affecting alimony.

Cheating doesn't generally affect alimony. LITERALLY NO ONE CARES.

Doesnt generally =/= Never
Sometimes it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does his workplace have any policies against fraternization? You could always use that as your leverage, but thats playing with fire (if he gets fired).

That’s a big issue-he still needs to pay college-which is a big ticket item! Need him to keep his job

[Anonymous]

OP again: I am looking to avoid any arguments when I ask him for divorce and the only thing that will help is the fact that I know the details..this is where the recording could come in. But again, I want to protect myself from going to jail..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I am looking to avoid any arguments when I ask him for divorce and the only thing that will help is the fact that I know the details..this is where the recording could come in. But again, I want to protect myself from going to jail..

It takes two to argue. You can avoid arguments by not participating in them.

Don't "ask for" divorce. This isn't something that he can grant you or not. He doesn't have to agree with you. You think that the "only thing that will help" is this evidence of cheating, but that's not the case. That is what we are telling you -- IT DOESN'T MATTER. Just go meet with an attorney and file. Having a confrontation is pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I am looking to avoid any arguments when I ask him for divorce and the only thing that will help is the fact that I know the details..this is where the recording could come in. But again, I want to protect myself from going to jail..

If that's all you want, just serve him the papers, tell him you know about "Annie" and ask him to move out. No need to entertain the following hysteria if he wants to argue, gaslight or lie. Grey Rock.

You don't need his permission to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: I am looking to avoid any arguments when I ask him for divorce and the only thing that will help is the fact that I know the details..this is where the recording could come in. But again, I want to protect myself from going to jail..

If that's all you want, just serve him the papers, tell him you know about "Annie" and ask him to move out. No need to entertain the following hysteria if he wants to argue, gaslight or lie. Grey Rock.

You don't need his permission to divorce.

OP here: how do you ask someone to move out of it’s their house too? I know he will say why don’t you and then where does that leave me? I have no family around

[Anonymous]

I’m starting to get on team husband.