Did you disclose your voice activated recording?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Workplace affairs are stupid. Don't hand him over even if you're headed for divorce.

I would ask him to let you meet her to prove there's nothing going on. Or ask him to meet you for lunch one a week. Mess with their routine. She will notice.

My xH had an EA, and this is terrible advice. All he will do is paint the wife as crazy, controlling, and insecure, then use that to justify his actions. "See, I told you she was insane! Not like you, *YOU* understand me, you are so special!"

Honestly the best thing for OP to do is completely disengage from the marriage. Get in shape, upgrade her hair and wardrobe, start getting attention from men. Focus 100% on herself. Either he freaks out and stops the EA, or she gets some self-esteem, realizes she deserves better, and leaves (what I did).

If you are the host of a lunch between your wife and your lied about AP, whatever you say about "who is crazy" is questionable.

Personally I'd do a vibe check. A lot of the mate stealing AP women are flaky and insecure types. Seeing them in person might allow one to assess exactly what type of person is on the other side of the rope.

When your kids do bad things, do you just do the 180? Or do you let them know you're aware that they are up to stuff.

People who are left to their own devices get that delicious feeling of a successfully hidden secret. I don't think it's too controlling to thwart that.

If DH and AP want to live in a world where the wife is the crazy one for checking in, then things are in a very bad way anyway.

It doesn’t work that way. When I was 22, I worked in a restaurant where the 50 year old manager was having an affair with a 25 year old waitress. The wife came in ALL the time and would sit in the waitresses’s section. All it did was make the wife look crazy.

The best thing to do is just leave. Don’t do the pick me dance, don’t try to play it cool, don’t try to shut it down. They broke the marriage vows, so leave.

Yup. If you need time to get your ducks in a row, take it, but do not stay indefinitely. Life is too short, none of us are getting out alive. No need to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

False. For example, in Virginia it is a felony, with up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2500.

This doesnt seem correct, google says

"Virginia is now one of 35 states that are considered one-party consent. That means only one party in a conversation needs to consent in order for a recording to be legal."

Where are you getting felony?

She's not in the discussions she's recording.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

IMO your best bet would be serve him with papers, TELL HIM what you want out of the divorce, and then play the recording and say you know he's a lying cheating POS. What state are you in? Most* states are one party consent, but yours may not.

[Anonymous]

To avoid giving him the chance to deny and to embarrass him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

False. For example, in Virginia it is a felony, with up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2500.

This doesnt seem correct, google says

"Virginia is now one of 35 states that are considered one-party consent. That means only one party in a conversation needs to consent in order for a recording to be legal."

Where are you getting felony?

She's not in the discussions she's recording.

OP didn't mention that. She could be recording herself speaking to her husband? How is she recording him without even being there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

False. For example, in Virginia it is a felony, with up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2500.

This doesnt seem correct, google says

"Virginia is now one of 35 states that are considered one-party consent. That means only one party in a conversation needs to consent in order for a recording to be legal."

Where are you getting felony?

She's not in the discussions she's recording.

OP didn't mention that. She could be recording herself speaking to her husband? How is she recording him without even being there?

In context, it seems pretty clear she isn't part of the discussions. If he told her these things, she wouldn't need to play back the recording to him to demonstrate what she knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

False. For example, in Virginia it is a felony, with up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2500.

This doesnt seem correct, google says

"Virginia is now one of 35 states that are considered one-party consent. That means only one party in a conversation needs to consent in order for a recording to be legal."

Where are you getting felony?

She's not in the discussions she's recording.

OP didn't mention that. She could be recording herself speaking to her husband? How is she recording him without even being there?

In context, it seems pretty clear she isn't part of the discussions. If he told her these things, she wouldn't need to play back the recording to him to demonstrate what she knows.

People lie after the fact all the time. Men will literally say one thing to your face, then 5 mins later come back and say they never said that. Your situation is more plausible, but this could be one of these scenarios too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

IMO your best bet would be serve him with papers, TELL HIM what you want out of the divorce, and then play the recording and say you know he's a lying cheating POS. What state are you in? Most* states are one party consent, but yours may not.

I want to do this but again it’s the law I worry about..plus I feel I will be giving him an easy pass…ughhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

IMO your best bet would be serve him with papers, TELL HIM what you want out of the divorce, and then play the recording and say you know he's a lying cheating POS. What state are you in? Most* states are one party consent, but yours may not.

I want to do this but again it’s the law I worry about..plus I feel I will be giving him an easy pass…ughhh

Nah, don't worry about the law for this. Just get your sh*t together, and get out.

What would you be asking for? Marital home, alimony, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

IMO your best bet would be serve him with papers, TELL HIM what you want out of the divorce, and then play the recording and say you know he's a lying cheating POS. What state are you in? Most* states are one party consent, but yours may not.

I want to do this but again it’s the law I worry about..plus I feel I will be giving him an easy pass…ughhh

Nah, don't worry about the law for this. Just get your sh*t together, and get out.

What would you be asking for? Marital home, alimony, what?

He makes more than double of me and I have two kids..one just got into college-sucks since the money on divorce was supposed to be for the tuition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to gut feeling and a few other signs, I was only able to confirm my spouse’s emotional affair through a voice recording. He only lies otherwise and I am tempted to end it by telling him but since it’s illegal I can’t. He has denied and seems to be trying but I will not be able to trust him. I can go on living my life well-or make my kids life harder by separating and handing him over to the other woman who also happens to be a colleague (single)

You think your kids do not know?

Of course they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

Divorcing someone is suing someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pretty sure its only illegal in a court of law. You arent suing him, youre divorcing him and using it as leverage because hes such a piece of sh*t.

False. For example, in Virginia it is a felony, with up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2500.

This doesnt seem correct, google says

"Virginia is now one of 35 states that are considered one-party consent. That means only one party in a conversation needs to consent in order for a recording to be legal."

Where are you getting felony?

In this scenario, the two people being recorded don’t know it. So who is giving consent?

You can record YOURSELF having a conversation with someone else. But a VAR to record two oblivious people is illegal wiretapping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

Leverage about what? Nobody cares if your spouse has an affair. There is nothing to lever here. I’m sorry, but wasting your time trying to hurt him is just that, a waste.

In Virginia it is a crime and can affect asset distribution and alimony. It is also very hard to prove

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

IMO your best bet would be serve him with papers, TELL HIM what you want out of the divorce, and then play the recording and say you know he's a lying cheating POS. What state are you in? Most* states are one party consent, but yours may not.

I want to do this but again it’s the law I worry about..plus I feel I will be giving him an easy pass…ughhh

Nah, don't worry about the law for this. Just get your sh*t together, and get out.

What would you be asking for? Marital home, alimony, what?

He makes more than double of me and I have two kids..one just got into college-sucks since the money on divorce was supposed to be for the tuition

Is he the father of the kids? College funding can be part of your settlement.