Did you disclose your voice activated recording?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to get on team husband.

???

[Anonymous]

Can he refuse to sign divorce papers? If so, where does that leave me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unethical Life Pro Tip: Before you confront him/divorce him, ask him to get a vasectomy. Your kids will survive the divorce but a second family will completely torch their relationship with their dad.

Vasectomies can be reversed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t disclose he can criminally charge you for wiretap in most states.

He risks a bad name at work and fraternization charges plus losing the mother to his kids if he charges me criminally..however, considering how manipulative he can be he will be able to twist it in his favor

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

Leverage about what? Nobody cares if your spouse has an affair. There is nothing to lever here. I’m sorry, but wasting your time trying to hurt him is just that, a waste.

In Virginia it is a crime and can affect asset distribution and alimony. It is also very hard to prove

It really does not. You should Google better.

"adultery is technically a crime in Virginia, specifically a Class 4 misdemeanor"

The point is that it doesn't really affect alimony unless the person that would be receiving alimony was the one that cheated.

That … is affecting alimony.

Cheating doesn't generally affect alimony. LITERALLY NO ONE CARES.

Doesnt generally =/= Never
Sometimes it does.

Ok, almost never? Give me a case where it did.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You can confront him with the voice recording, but you cannot use it in court if you recorded it in a state that requires two party consent.

What's he going to do to you if you show it to him in private? Nothing.

OP: I really need to know if this a route someone has taken. I don’t have any legit proof and he will want to portray me as crazy. The AP is a colleague and it is a very sensitive situation.

What are you trying to accomplish? You don’t need him to acknowledge any of this to divorce him. It won’t matter with respect to any financials. YOU know. Now, you just have to decide what to do. Personally, I would likely play the tape as part of the “I know and you can cut off contact immediately and get into therapy or I will strongly consider filing for divorce”. I think him filing a police report is less likely than me winning the lottery — because then the police would hear the tape.

But the whole premise of my marriage is fidelity and partnership. I can afford to split and keep the house myself. I can care for the kids on my own if I needed to (although I would expect him to be a super involved dad). I don’t need someone who would lie to my face repeatedly. Who cares if he tells people you are crazy? You just need to figure out what matters and stick to it.

Her earlier post explained that she wants to use the recording to extort a more favorable financial settlement out of him.

Not financial-just to use it to make him feel guilty and going therapy..it’s sad that our relation was based on friendship-it’s a 26 year long marriage!

I really hope you're a troll...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he refuse to sign divorce papers? If so, where does that leave me?

Then you file a Complaint for Divorce in court and serve your husband with the complaint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to get on team husband.

You should have been skeptical as soon as a "recording" was mentioned, but yes, it has gone downhill from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to gut feeling and a few other signs, I was only able to confirm my spouse’s emotional affair through a voice recording. He only lies otherwise and I am tempted to end it by telling him but since it’s illegal I can’t. He has denied and seems to be trying but I will not be able to trust him. I can go on living my life well-or make my kids life harder by separating and handing him over to the other woman who also happens to be a colleague (single)

Never. *shrugs*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

LOL absolutely not. Reporting someone for a reportable offence is not illegal. Get over yourself. No wonder a cheating AH would come to defend this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

LOL absolutely not. Reporting someone for a reportable offence is not illegal. Get over yourself. No wonder a cheating AH would come to defend this loser.

Cheating is not illegal, but what OP is doing likely is. It also sounds unhinged.

For most people, interfering with their spouse or partner’s employment will only make themselves look volatile. It’s also an argument against receiving any financial support. If you go so far as to have a restraining order brought against you, you’re only blowing up your own life. Isn’t that the definition of a loser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

LOL absolutely not. Reporting someone for a reportable offence is not illegal. Get over yourself. No wonder a cheating AH would come to defend this loser.

Yes, it is. It's called Tortious interference. It's going to blow up for OP, especially since 1. Recordings were obtained illegally and 2. It's an emotional affair, so it's not like she's got nudes of them. And now with AI, super easy for the H to just say his wife is crazy, created a fake AI recording to try to extort money out of him.

Also, what OP is trying to do - threatening to send recordings to the employer in order to obtain more money - is extortion and it is 100% illegal. OP is shooting herself in the foot; if she follows through and H gets fired, now he's off the hook for alimony, she may end up owing child support to him, and he can sue her. Even if he doesn't win the lawsuit, OP is still going to have to pay an attorney thousands of dollars.

The likely scenario is his workplace won't care. I went through this when my spouse sent information to my employer when I was having an affair with a colleague. AP and I each had a 10 minute meeting with our boss, we explained my spouse was crazy, and that was the end of it. Even if we had disclosed the affair, boss still wouldn't have cared, mostly they just care if the subordinate is going to flip out and sue the company, which wasn't happening in my case.

If OP is smart, she'll play the long game. Let H and the AP develop their relationship and fall for each other, then he'll be happy to give her the house or whatever she wants so he can leave and go be with AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

LOL absolutely not. Reporting someone for a reportable offence is not illegal. Get over yourself. No wonder a cheating AH would come to defend this loser.

Cheating is not illegal, but what OP is doing likely is. It also sounds unhinged.

For most people, interfering with their spouse or partner’s employment will only make themselves look volatile. It’s also an argument against receiving any financial support. If you go so far as to have a restraining order brought against you, you’re only blowing up your own life. Isn’t that the definition of a loser?

I don't disagree that it will not look good to interfere with his job. But if they have any sort of policy against this, or if she's a subordinate, reporting that to his/her boss is NOT illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again: another recording told me this is more than emotional..if I use it for leverage only, can I be charged? Question is for lawyers or who went through it..
Aaah..wish there was another way to find out legally

I can answer this. What you want to do is extortion and it is illegal.

My xH tried to do something similar. Yes, I cheated on him. He tried to use various “evidence” to get me to agree to a settlement that was more favorable for him.

I had a pitbull of an attorney who nipped that right in the bud. Extortion is illegal, and can get YOU into all kinds of trouble. Courts do not care about cheating, so threatening to use it in court makes zero difference in your settlement. If you threaten to use recordings to harm the other woman, now you have two potential lawsuits. Because not only is extortion illegal, interfering in someone’s job is illegal (I went through this with my xH as well, he sent things to my work and got in very big trouble).

In the end, I ended up with more than 50% because he impacted my job and career, and had to pay to make up for that.

LOL absolutely not. Reporting someone for a reportable offence is not illegal. Get over yourself. No wonder a cheating AH would come to defend this loser.

Yes, it is. It's called Tortious interference. It's going to blow up for OP, especially since 1. Recordings were obtained illegally and 2. It's an emotional affair, so it's not like she's got nudes of them. And now with AI, super easy for the H to just say his wife is crazy, created a fake AI recording to try to extort money out of him.

Also, what OP is trying to do - threatening to send recordings to the employer in order to obtain more money - is extortion and it is 100% illegal. OP is shooting herself in the foot; if she follows through and H gets fired, now he's off the hook for alimony, she may end up owing child support to him, and he can sue her. Even if he doesn't win the lawsuit, OP is still going to have to pay an attorney thousands of dollars.

The likely scenario is his workplace won't care. I went through this when my spouse sent information to my employer when I was having an affair with a colleague. AP and I each had a 10 minute meeting with our boss, we explained my spouse was crazy, and that was the end of it. Even if we had disclosed the affair, boss still wouldn't have cared, mostly they just care if the subordinate is going to flip out and sue the company, which wasn't happening in my case.

If OP is smart, she'll play the long game. Let H and the AP develop their relationship and fall for each other, then he'll be happy to give her the house or whatever she wants so he can leave and go be with AP.

Not true. You shouldn't be giving legal advice. You actually shouldn't be giving any advice because you are a scummy person with no moral fiber. You lied to your employer, you lied to your spouse, you are a cheater and a liar.