Can we have a rational discussion about going Greek?

[Anonymous]

Being in the Greek system was an absolute blast. I’m still close to my pledge sisters to this day. My spouse has found his fraternity useful in the business world.

Having said that, as an adult looking at my kids colleges and offerings, I wish I spent more time going to the incredible speakers they hosted, the plays and concerts, and meeting all sorts of diverse people. I don’t think I could have convinced 18-21 year old me that, but if I had a do-over I’d spend less time on Greek life and more time absorbing all college has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any mention of going Greek on this forum is always a trigger. Why is that? Why do people care so much? I mean, if it's not your thing, great, but why judge so harshly when somebody else does it?

I see the positive appeal in terms of networking and belonging to a ready-made social clique. My main concern is the hazing and cult-like rules and conditioning. The dysfunctional power dynamic seems to be priming kids for joining toxic relationships or toxic workplaces.

I wish frats/sororities would be more healthy social environments than they are designed to be. Our kids are leaving home at 18-ish and I want them to have nurturing mini homes away from home, but the power dynamic of rushing and them being forced to be loyal to the group at all costs seems problematic.

well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any mention of going Greek on this forum is always a trigger. Why is that? Why do people care so much? I mean, if it's not your thing, great, but why judge so harshly when somebody else does it?

I see the positive appeal in terms of networking and belonging to a ready-made social clique. My main concern is the hazing and cult-like rules and conditioning. The dysfunctional power dynamic seems to be priming kids for joining toxic relationships or toxic workplaces.

I wish frats/sororities would be more healthy social environments than they are designed to be. Our kids are leaving home at 18-ish and I want them to have nurturing mini homes away from home, but the power dynamic of rushing and them being forced to be loyal to the group at all costs seems problematic.

You were never in either I can tell.

+1

Bless your hearts. Congrats on having been accepted to a Greek organization. Even as an adult decades later that still makes you really cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an immigrant kid in college I found it exclusionary as hell. I am glad my own kids aren't interested.

You were unfortunately at the wrong college then. Totally not the experience I had.

How can it be non-exclusionary if only a small percentage of people who rush are accepted?

at university of alabama, one of the biggest recruitments, as long as you meet guidelines (GPA and such and do not have any red flags, every girl will get a bid as long as she maximizes her options all the way through. it may not be to the house she wished for, but it will be a bid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few cousins who were in sororities and as far as I can tell it did not benefit their lives in any way past college. It didn't get them jobs, they're not close with any of their "sisters" - none of that. So to my eye, they paid for temporary friends for four years, which seems silly since they're both outgoing and bubbly and friendly and could have made friends without that crutch.

how close are you to your cousins? how much do you REALLY know about who their friends are?

We're very close. I know their friends, they know my friends. To the point that I've hung out with their friends even when a cousin who is the connection can't make it and vice versa. Even if we've never met a specific less-close friend they know the stories about them. "Sera, the one whose mom always takes her on vacations?" Two even taught me their super secret sorority code for something (it was like two decades ago - can't recall exactly what it was for).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few cousins who were in sororities and as far as I can tell it did not benefit their lives in any way past college. It didn't get them jobs, they're not close with any of their "sisters" - none of that. So to my eye, they paid for temporary friends for four years, which seems silly since they're both outgoing and bubbly and friendly and could have made friends without that crutch.

how close are you to your cousins? how much do you REALLY know about who their friends are?

We're very close. I know their friends, they know my friends. To the point that I've hung out with their friends even when a cousin who is the connection can't make it and vice versa. Even if we've never met a specific less-close friend they know the stories about them. "Sera, the one whose mom always takes her on vacations?" Two even taught me their super secret sorority code for something (it was like two decades ago - can't recall exactly what it was for).

Uh huh.

Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

I think that a lot of what is said on this site about Greek life is based on how things were 20+ years ago.
* the majority of kids get bids (well over 90%)
* hazing is mostly gone; you would be shocked at what is actually considered hazing these days
* dues often include meals and housing which is often far less than what you would pay thru the university
* in a world where everyone gets a trophy the process of learning to put your best foot forward and perhaps face rejection is not necessarily bad

I think there are many people in this area who value careers over relationships. They could never see the value in a social club (greek life or country club etc) Everyone is entitled to their opinion but you should keep your opinion to yourself when it involves degrading 18 year old students.

[Anonymous]

The ones shouting the loudest in favor of the Greek system strike me as parents that were not themselves in it. Perhaps I’m wrong, but when I speak to my sorority sisters, we all have a more balanced outlook on it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My kids were in college to prepare for the adult world. Greek life seems juvenile, delaying adulthood. As a parent we looked closely at stats of Greek life on various campuses and were ok, with the college as a choice, if Greek participation didn't exceed 20%.

At my dd's college, the kids in greek life are called 2.0s as in high school 2.0

LOL. That's funny! Can you share which school?

(BTW, I'm not anti-Greek. I actually loved my low-key experience. Though my sorority wasn't A-list or especially cool on campus, we had a great time when we were together and many of us are still closely in touch 30 years later!)

Oh please. They're not called that. The "dd" is just jealous

again with the "you're just jealous" kinda replies. nobody is jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that a lot of what is said on this site about Greek life is based on how things were 20+ years ago.
* the majority of kids get bids (well over 90%)
* hazing is mostly gone; you would be shocked at what is actually considered hazing these days
* dues often include meals and housing which is often far less than what you would pay thru the university
* in a world where everyone gets a trophy the process of learning to put your best foot forward and perhaps face rejection is not necessarily bad

I think there are many people in this area who value careers over relationships. They could never see the value in a social club (greek life or country club etc) Everyone is entitled to their opinion but you should keep your opinion to yourself when it involves degrading 18 year old students.

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find hilarious are the posters calling southern sorority girls “hoes, slutty,” etc when they see those dance videos… but when MIT sorority girls put out exact the same kind of dance videos, they’re praised. DCUM’s finest never disappoint.

+100
Yep. Apparently, white sorority girls doing dances are slutty, while black/hispanic/Asian sorority girls doing dances are brilliant, cool, fun, and amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an immigrant kid in college I found it exclusionary as hell. I am glad my own kids aren't interested.

You were unfortunately at the wrong college then. Totally not the experience I had.

How can it be non-exclusionary if only a small percentage of people who rush are accepted?

at university of alabama, one of the biggest recruitments, as long as you meet guidelines (GPA and such and do not have any red flags, every girl will get a bid as long as she maximizes her options all the way through. it may not be to the house she wished for, but it will be a bid.

This is still pretty exclusionary. And before you @me, I was in a sorority at a big SEC school.

[Anonymous]

This is still pretty exclusionary. And before you @me, I was in a sorority at a big SEC school.

Guess what else is exclusionary? The job market, internships and dating. Kids need to learn to handle rejection. Not everything is a given. Sometimes you need to present yourself in a positive life. Recruitment is a great time to clean up your social media and brush up on your social skills. It is painful how many well accomplished kids cannot look an adult in the eye and carry a conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find hilarious are the posters calling southern sorority girls “hoes, slutty,” etc when they see those dance videos… but when MIT sorority girls put out exact the same kind of dance videos, they’re praised. DCUM’s finest never disappoint.

+100
Yep. Apparently, white sorority girls doing dances are slutty, while black/hispanic/Asian sorority girls doing dances are brilliant, cool, fun, and amazing!

This…was not their point, and you moved so quickly to racism when it wasn’t needed or warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that a lot of what is said on this site about Greek life is based on how things were 20+ years ago.
* the majority of kids get bids (well over 90%)
* hazing is mostly gone; you would be shocked at what is actually considered hazing these days
* dues often include meals and housing which is often far less than what you would pay thru the university
* in a world where everyone gets a trophy the process of learning to put your best foot forward and perhaps face rejection is not necessarily bad

I think there are many people in this area who value careers over relationships. They could never see the value in a social club (greek life or country club etc) Everyone is entitled to their opinion but you should keep your opinion to yourself when it involves degrading 18 year old students.

not sure this is all ancient history

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/nov/23/dartmouth-sorority-fraternity-members-charged-student-death