Can we have a rational discussion about going Greek?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pledged a fraternity and then de-pledged. My biggest issue with the Greek system isn't the costs involved or the craziness of rush. It's how the Greek system kind of steers you away from being involved in other things on campus. At my school, about 15 years ago, I was also working for the student newspaper and had a chance to cover a road basketball game for the first time. Great assignment. The fraternity was pissed at me because we had a party that night and I wasn't going to be around. That happened with 2-3 other club things I wanted to do that year, so ultimately, I concluded the fraternity wasn't for me.

My nephew is at a large state school now. He joined a fraternity. I asked him what kind of things he's involved with on campus and he said, "Not really anything. The fraternity takes all my time." He has a lot of interests, and I know his school has a lot of clubs related to those interests. I asked him if he's thinking about getting involved in this or that. "No, pretty much just the fraternity."

Overall, I think that's a big missed opportunity for kids.

+100
Our neighbor's daughter is involved in a sorority and that is ALL she does - plan parties and silly events. That's it. My DD decided not to rush and has found herself involved in so many interesting activities as a result. I am hugely relieved she didn't go Greek.

does your neighbor know that you're stalking her daughter so much that you know everything she does? does she also know you mock her? I'll bet she's a much nicer person than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a thread. Are you all so insecure in how you've parented and in the kids that you've raised that you can't let your kids make their own choices without judging other kids and other parents?

We knew nothing about Greek before our oldest went to UVA. Neither did she. All we knew was that UVA was a great school, it was in state tuition, she was happy to go there, and it had a Greek system.

I don't remember how we reacted when she decided to rush, but I do remember her stories about the process. She went into the whole thing very open minded and very confident -- she just figured she'd be herself, as she always has been, and see where the chips fell. More than anything else, she has a good sense of humor and was looking to connect with other girls who were the same way. So she didn't hold back, not even a little, and in the end got a bid to a nice sorority with good and smart girls, had a great four years, and has stayed friends with them. They've all become happy, successful, well rounded, independent, open-minded women.

Had she not gotten a bid, trust me -- she would have survived.

I don't understand what everyone's problem is. If you've raised your kid right for the first 18 years, you need to trust them to make their own decisions when they get to college, and not deride other kids who make different ones. If you're not doing that, you've either raised kids who aren't confident, or you're not confident in either them or yourself, and that's not good.

To me, the vitriol and defensiveness that I'm seeing here is really just a mask for lack of confidence.

I find the biggest lack of confidence stems from people who think they have to rush in order to make friends or have a social life. The most confident people have no problem not going Greek and make friends wherever they are, with people in their shared clubs/organizations/dorms/etc.

Again, you're making assumptions. What makes you think that that's going on with so many of them? In my kid's case, she just thought why not give it a try? And aren't people joining "clubs/organizations" partly in search of friendship? Why single out the Greek system? People do all kinds of things to find others with shared interests to make friends.

What exactly are the shared interests of the sorority girl? Clapping, drinking, bulimia?

another "neutral" post by someone with a plain daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pledged a fraternity and then de-pledged. My biggest issue with the Greek system isn't the costs involved or the craziness of rush. It's how the Greek system kind of steers you away from being involved in other things on campus. At my school, about 15 years ago, I was also working for the student newspaper and had a chance to cover a road basketball game for the first time. Great assignment. The fraternity was pissed at me because we had a party that night and I wasn't going to be around. That happened with 2-3 other club things I wanted to do that year, so ultimately, I concluded the fraternity wasn't for me.

My nephew is at a large state school now. He joined a fraternity. I asked him what kind of things he's involved with on campus and he said, "Not really anything. The fraternity takes all my time." He has a lot of interests, and I know his school has a lot of clubs related to those interests. I asked him if he's thinking about getting involved in this or that. "No, pretty much just the fraternity."

Overall, I think that's a big missed opportunity for kids.

This. When my DD was thinking about out pledging, they said that student jobs were not excused absences. My DD needs to work. Another friend joined a sorority and paid all the money, only to find out that the sorority was oversubscribed such that most of the girls were excluded from activities because only X number could participate. I find that infuriating, especially if you are paying money to join.

My sorority daughter at UVA was heavily involved in volunteering through Madison House and also studied abroad for a semester. She didn't allow her sorority affiliation to hold her back. I guess some people are better at juggling than others.

Most kids in high school have a wider range of commitments. Volunteering and study abroad. Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a thread. Are you all so insecure in how you've parented and in the kids that you've raised that you can't let your kids make their own choices without judging other kids and other parents?

We knew nothing about Greek before our oldest went to UVA. Neither did she. All we knew was that UVA was a great school, it was in state tuition, she was happy to go there, and it had a Greek system.

I don't remember how we reacted when she decided to rush, but I do remember her stories about the process. She went into the whole thing very open minded and very confident -- she just figured she'd be herself, as she always has been, and see where the chips fell. More than anything else, she has a good sense of humor and was looking to connect with other girls who were the same way. So she didn't hold back, not even a little, and in the end got a bid to a nice sorority with good and smart girls, had a great four years, and has stayed friends with them. They've all become happy, successful, well rounded, independent, open-minded women.

Had she not gotten a bid, trust me -- she would have survived.

I don't understand what everyone's problem is. If you've raised your kid right for the first 18 years, you need to trust them to make their own decisions when they get to college, and not deride other kids who make different ones. If you're not doing that, you've either raised kids who aren't confident, or you're not confident in either them or yourself, and that's not good.

To me, the vitriol and defensiveness that I'm seeing here is really just a mask for lack of confidence.

I find the biggest lack of confidence stems from people who think they have to rush in order to make friends or have a social life. The most confident people have no problem not going Greek and make friends wherever they are, with people in their shared clubs/organizations/dorms/etc.

Again, you're making assumptions. What makes you think that that's going on with so many of them? In my kid's case, she just thought why not give it a try? And aren't people joining "clubs/organizations" partly in search of friendship? Why single out the Greek system? People do all kinds of things to find others with shared interests to make friends.

What exactly are the shared interests of the sorority girl? Clapping, drinking, bulimia?

another "neutral" post by someone with a plain daughter?

Babes, I’m not neutral. I straight on don’t respect “Greeks.” And I don’t have a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Well there's hazing which can make Greek life a non-starter for most. I know many parents believe it's not happening but here's a recent thread on it:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290807.page;jsessionid=C20B37B4DAF647AFA391C8E780546291

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP, let’s talk. Why would you want to be part of something that is literally exclusive, literally designed to exclude people and keep people out?

If you go back into the history of sororities, if you read up on it, you’ll know that they deliberately excluded people of color, Catholics, women whose parents were divorced, and on and on. Today’s sororities continue that kind of “Our Kind of People” culture, just in different ways…

Well at my kids spritz they don't exclude others (my kid is the one who rushed to get better housing and because all their friends were). There is a trans member and several L I my kids sorority. They are very open minded. Then again they are at a division 3 school so it's not a typical experience

A pretty, thin trans woman, no doubt. A *shiny* token, eh?

[Anonymous]

Hahahaahaha, this is all it is:

https://fb.watch/BZ8N4ubFdY/?fs=e

[Anonymous]

I went to university in another country that didn’t have this system or anything similar. I made great friends and several are still friends 30 years later. But my friend group evolved over the 4 years as my classes went from general to specific and got smaller and l matured. I’m lifelong friends with people from 3rd and 4th year. I don’t know because l didn’t live it but if you’re in the Greek system it seems like your friend group is formed there and not with people you’re studying with? Are you friends with the same group for all four years? It seems limiting.

My kids were born in the us. My university Experience was amazing both socially and academically. I don’t want to have a closed mind but l think l will steer them away from Greek when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pledged a fraternity and then de-pledged. My biggest issue with the Greek system isn't the costs involved or the craziness of rush. It's how the Greek system kind of steers you away from being involved in other things on campus. At my school, about 15 years ago, I was also working for the student newspaper and had a chance to cover a road basketball game for the first time. Great assignment. The fraternity was pissed at me because we had a party that night and I wasn't going to be around. That happened with 2-3 other club things I wanted to do that year, so ultimately, I concluded the fraternity wasn't for me.

My nephew is at a large state school now. He joined a fraternity. I asked him what kind of things he's involved with on campus and he said, "Not really anything. The fraternity takes all my time." He has a lot of interests, and I know his school has a lot of clubs related to those interests. I asked him if he's thinking about getting involved in this or that. "No, pretty much just the fraternity."

Overall, I think that's a big missed opportunity for kids.

This. When my DD was thinking about out pledging, they said that student jobs were not excused absences. My DD needs to work. Another friend joined a sorority and paid all the money, only to find out that the sorority was oversubscribed such that most of the girls were excluded from activities because only X number could participate. I find that infuriating, especially if you are paying money to join.

My sorority daughter at UVA was heavily involved in volunteering through Madison House and also studied abroad for a semester. She didn't allow her sorority affiliation to hold her back. I guess some people are better at juggling than others.

Most kids in high school have a wider range of commitments. Volunteering and study abroad. Okay.

Most kids in high school have a wider range of commitments in high school because they’re gunning for college and being pushed by striver parents. Once they’re in college they don’t have to do that, and most don’t. If you think that the typical college kid has too many commitments outside of the classroom to be in a frat or sorority then you don’t understand college life. Many Division I athletes join them and they’re about as overcommitted as anyone.

Yea, my kid went to UVA, where she joined a sorority and did well academically while volunteering extensively and studying abroad. What a slacker. I should be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to university in another country that didn’t have this system or anything similar. I made great friends and several are still friends 30 years later. But my friend group evolved over the 4 years as my classes went from general to specific and got smaller and l matured. I’m lifelong friends with people from 3rd and 4th year. I don’t know because l didn’t live it but if you’re in the Greek system it seems like your friend group is formed there and not with people you’re studying with? Are you friends with the same group for all four years? It seems limiting.

My kids were born in the us. My university Experience was amazing both socially and academically. I don’t want to have a closed mind but l think l will steer them away from Greek when the time comes.

So let me get this straight. You don’t really understand the Greek system here because you went to college in another country. And you enjoyed college and made good friends. And because of all of that, you will “steer your kids away from Greek” while professing that you “don’t want to have closed mind.”

Yours is the definition of a closed mind. Is that what they teach in universities abroad?

[Anonymous]

Well, rush has been a pretty harsh experience for my freshman at a school with a supposedly laid back and friendly sorority system. It’s not very welcoming to go through the process and get cut from the houses she liked best just a couple of weeks into the college experience. I wish it was second semester to allow the kids to get more situated and comfortable at their new college before they subject themselves to this confidence killer. She only went through the process because everyone said how different it was from other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, rush has been a pretty harsh experience for my freshman at a school with a supposedly laid back and friendly sorority system. It’s not very welcoming to go through the process and get cut from the houses she liked best just a couple of weeks into the college experience. I wish it was second semester to allow the kids to get more situated and comfortable at their new college before they subject themselves to this confidence killer. She only went through the process because everyone said how different it was from other schools.

I agree, I feel very strongly that school should not allow rush at the start of the school year. It’s such a bad idea in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Greek life dropped 50% between 2020-2023 and continues.

This is not accurate. Some schools saw a decline and some are seeing an increase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pledged a fraternity and then de-pledged. My biggest issue with the Greek system isn't the costs involved or the craziness of rush. It's how the Greek system kind of steers you away from being involved in other things on campus. At my school, about 15 years ago, I was also working for the student newspaper and had a chance to cover a road basketball game for the first time. Great assignment. The fraternity was pissed at me because we had a party that night and I wasn't going to be around. That happened with 2-3 other club things I wanted to do that year, so ultimately, I concluded the fraternity wasn't for me.

My nephew is at a large state school now. He joined a fraternity. I asked him what kind of things he's involved with on campus and he said, "Not really anything. The fraternity takes all my time." He has a lot of interests, and I know his school has a lot of clubs related to those interests. I asked him if he's thinking about getting involved in this or that. "No, pretty much just the fraternity."

Overall, I think that's a big missed opportunity for kids.

+100
Our neighbor's daughter is involved in a sorority and that is ALL she does - plan parties and silly events. That's it. My DD decided not to rush and has found herself involved in so many interesting activities as a result. I am hugely relieved she didn't go Greek.

does your neighbor know that you're stalking her daughter so much that you know everything she does? does she also know you mock her? I'll bet she's a much nicer person than you are.

No need to stalk her - my neighbor talks incessantly about her and all her sorority "doings" (planning parties and silly events). I hear far more about that nonsense than I've ever wanted to. But thanks for your concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahahaahaha, this is all it is:

https://fb.watch/BZ8N4ubFdY/?fs=e

Oh wow! Why haven't I seen that before... the background music is perfect.