Can we have a rational discussion about going Greek?

[Anonymous]

I attended an SLAC in the Northeast that didn’t have any kind of a Greek life and now I live in the South, where Greek life plays a bigger role on campus, especially at SEC schools. At first, I was wary/mystified but I’ve come to appreciate what Greek life can offer. It’s just one of many social options and for some kids, Greek life is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I did not go Greek. They didn't have frats at his college, and I wasn't interested.

So far, our kids say that they don't want to. We've tried to keep an open mind and have told them that if they strongly feel ilke they would want to do it, we'd be fine with it. One of our kids is really shy, and I can see how it would help them, IF they could make it through rush. (They're also really cute and nice, but I'm not sure that's enough.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to a medium-sized public college and were both involved in Greek life. However, I feel like a lot has changed with addition of social media, especially when it comes to sororities. There just seems to be a lot more pressure to have a certain image to publicize that to the world on social media. My sorority in college was very low-key and we did our thing without concern about broadcasting it widely. That has been a huge shift and reason I am much more skeptical of these organizations in their current state.

Valid point. My kid is in a fraternity and it seems much simpler and I would imagine less expensive as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are in frats for primarily what I would call practical reasons.

Kid 1 is at a city school where you have to live off campus jr and sr year and the frat is much cheaper (and well located) than any other housing option by like 50%.

Kid 2 for fairly similar reasons but mainly that the frat house is equivalent price but so much nicer and with much better food than normal on campus housing.

They like the friends they are making and for one it is a “top” house which hopefully provides strong networking. They are at schools where the parties aren’t really exclusive for anyone or any house…literally anyone at the school can attend (except for their own formals) and do.

Fraternity at my kid's school definitely provides really great networking for jobs and internships in addition to the great services the University provides. It's a nice supplement.

[Anonymous]

Many people generalize. They do not seem to understand that “Greek life” looks very different depending on the school.

At some schools, members of Greek orgs live together in houses. Some off campus, some on campus. At other schools, they don’t live together at all. It’s more like an EC club or activity, like many others.

At some schools, Greek orgs feel like the focus of campus social life, no matter the percentage of students who actually pledge and stay affiliated. At other schools, they’re more low-key. Again, one activity among many.

At some schools, the Greek orgs have strong “brands” - a general “type” they recruit and publicize on social media. At other schools, they’re Greek orgs are more diverse on a number of variables, and more open / less selective, too.

Finally, all this applies to individual campuses, too. For every social media savvy group of fraternity or sorority kids who seemingly all look alike, there are low key fraternities and sororities on the same campus for those who prefer that.

One size does not fit all. And like all other campus activities, it’s best to approach it with curiosity and an open mind. If joining a Greek orgs feels like a fit, great. If not, keep looking for a group or activity that does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are in frats for primarily what I would call practical reasons.

Kid 1 is at a city school where you have to live off campus jr and sr year and the frat is much cheaper (and well located) than any other housing option by like 50%.

Kid 2 for fairly similar reasons but mainly that the frat house is equivalent price but so much nicer and with much better food than normal on campus housing.

They like the friends they are making and for one it is a “top” house which hopefully provides strong networking. They are at schools where the parties aren’t really exclusive for anyone or any house…literally anyone at the school can attend (except for their own formals) and do.

This is what my kids are seeking. Lowers the stakes - not an all-or-nothing decision re parties and their social lives.

Are you willing to share the schools? It would help those of with kids who are researching options. Thx.

[Anonymous]

I was in a house and still have many friends from that time. Lifelong friends. I conflate behavior that may have been more prevalent at that time (date rape, included) with Greek life, which may not be fair. It was a lot of getting ready for parties, going to parties, black out drinking etc, losing a Sunday to being hungover, talking about what bad things the bad girls did. One of my friends recently told me here big memory was everyone weighing themselves weekly, which I had totally blocked.

I've told my kids only some of this. What I do tell my kids was that it was very limiting and if I had one suggestion for them it was to embrace ALL of college life. Meet a LOT of people. If you don't like "woke", go find some woke. If you've never met a kid with MAGA parents, go talk to them. Go to the guest lectures. Sit in a lunchtime quartet once at least. And sure, go to lots of parties.

In my house, people joined clubs but they same quasi professional clubs. None of us were highlighting are hair in the bathroom by day and then doing a radio show by night. or joining an improv group. or getting involved in campus or community politics. Even the community service we did - which was substantial - was in our own bubble. We may have made 1000 thanksgiving boxes for the poor, but we never really interacted with the outside world.

I think everyone dislikes the "who didn't get a bid" thing. I hope everyone does. I like to think that even as 18-year olds we were aware that that was a bad look. But there was a social caste for no good reason (mostly based on looks) and I internalized it. Although certainly, by senior year I knew it was bullshit.

I did like the house set up, but I think a lot of colleges have emulated that in other ways. I was really drawn to the universities with residential colleges when we toured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any mention of going Greek on this forum is always a trigger. Why is that? Why do people care so much? I mean, if it's not your thing, great, but why judge so harshly when somebody else does it?

Welcome to the internet.

[Anonymous]

I cannot. No. My exposure to the system was watching grown adults act like mean teenagers and making excuses for emotionally abusing PNM as just the normal course of growing up.

They are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My kids were in college to prepare for the adult world. Greek life seems juvenile, delaying adulthood. As a parent we looked closely at stats of Greek life on various campuses and were ok, with the college as a choice, if Greek participation didn't exceed 20%.

At my dd's college, the kids in greek life are called 2.0s as in high school 2.0

One thing that is different from our day is the kids NOT in Greek in college now are very different than the ones in Greek. I'm sure this varies school by school, but you wouldn't say the cool kids are in Greek at my kid's school by a long shot.

[Anonymous]

I haven't posted before but I am not a Greek fan. To me it all seems so superficial. You have to have the right hair, clothes, make up, income, and friend group for the sororities. Fraternities seem so focused on drinking and partying. College should be about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and meeting people from all walks of life, not just hanging out with people who are clones of each other. None of my kids were interested in Greek and I'm glad.

[Anonymous]

As an immigrant kid in college I found it exclusionary as hell. I am glad my own kids aren't interested.

[Anonymous]

Would anyone be willing to share what it costs to be in a fraternity or sorority in 2025? I assume it varies, but I don’t know the range.

(Not here to judge, though I cannot speak for others. Just genuinely curious).

[Anonymous]

it always elicits negative comments on both sides. I was in a sorority at my SLAC and it saved me socially. My DS joined a fraternity at our state school and it also saved him socially. He had only a handful of friends when he rushed and met a whole group of people who he enjoyed being with and activities to attend. He was never a big drinker BTW and was not hazed other than having to work out at 5 AM and wear a suit every Wednesday. Stupid stuff like that.

My DD joined a sorority and had a terrible experience with rush but then she thought she found her "home" in one house which ended up not being a fit. She stayed in the sorority and even lived in the house for a year but after graduating does not think she will stay in touch with any of them.

So there are definitely positives and negatives and you just have to keep an open mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any mention of going Greek on this forum is always a trigger. Why is that? Why do people care so much? I mean, if it's not your thing, great, but why judge so harshly when somebody else does it?

I see the positive appeal in terms of networking and belonging to a ready-made social clique. My main concern is the hazing and cult-like rules and conditioning. The dysfunctional power dynamic seems to be priming kids for joining toxic relationships or toxic workplaces.

I wish frats/sororities would be more healthy social environments than they are designed to be. Our kids are leaving home at 18-ish and I want them to have nurturing mini homes away from home, but the power dynamic of rushing and them being forced to be loyal to the group at all costs seems problematic.