No birthday present- break up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

If the way you want someone to express affection is primarily through trinkets, then yes, you are materialistic. I’d argue acts of service is the way affection has been expressed since the dawn or civilization.

I agree with the poster who say she should look for that, though. But I’ll judge because shes a 40-something who already material expressions of affection in her marriage and same that wasn’t enough.

Do you consider paying for dinner an act of service? It's about as low effort as you can get. It is not unreasonable to expect a modicum of thoughtfulness and romance from your partner. It he put effort into planning a romantic dinner, that would be great, but it doesn't sound like there was any effort at all. I don't think OP was asking for an expensive gift, just something that demonstrated care and attentiveness to her.

Taking someone out to dinner means choosing the place, making a reservation if needed, dressing appropriately, spending 2 hours or so at the restaurant, and paying. It's more about the time together, but it's not nothing. Care and attentiveness is exactly what's going on. Restaurants that require effort to go to, well, they don't survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

If the way you want someone to express affection is primarily through trinkets, then yes, you are materialistic. I’d argue acts of service is the way affection has been expressed since the dawn or civilization.

I agree with the poster who say she should look for that, though. But I’ll judge because shes a 40-something who already material expressions of affection in her marriage and same that wasn’t enough.

Do you consider paying for dinner an act of service? It's about as low effort as you can get. It is not unreasonable to expect a modicum of thoughtfulness and romance from your partner. It he put effort into planning a romantic dinner, that would be great, but it doesn't sound like there was any effort at all. I don't think OP was asking for an expensive gift, just something that demonstrated care and attentiveness to her.

Like I said at the start, the gift people have a very different emotional temperament than the rest of us. You sound very greedy. Lots of people, including me, think a birthday dinner is a nice idea for an adult.

[Anonymous]

I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

Your birthday is any old day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

Do you know OP’s boyfriend or are you talking about your own life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

Cool, move on. That’s what everyone even the non gift-grabbers are telling you to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

You sound warped and like you had bad role models growing up. Stick with your own kind, the greedy materialists.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

You sound warped and like you had bad role models growing up. Stick with your own kind, the greedy materialists.

You are unstable at the least, and highly asocial. Are you that dude fixated on gold diggers ?
In my experience men who don’t give gifts are also stringent in other areas including emotional

Dump him OP - you are better off alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

Nobody wants a crap bouquet that just checks the gift box!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

Nobody wants a crap bouquet that just checks the gift box!

If my man was poor I would still appreciate the attention and the time he spent getting it from a store. I was dating a man who had no money. Yet every time he came to my house he would bring a bouquet he made himself from flowers he would buy at Safeway for cheap. I loved it. It mattered a lot to me and he was very generous in bedroom

[Anonymous]

I'm confused at all the posters attacking OP by saying gift giving isn't a social norm. Since when? When you are invited to birthday parties or baby showers, do you not bring a gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

You sound warped and like you had bad role models growing up. Stick with your own kind, the greedy materialists.

You are unstable at the least, and highly asocial. Are you that dude fixated on gold diggers ?
In my experience men who don’t give gifts are also stringent in other areas including emotional

Dump him OP - you are better off alone

I’m a woman - a very stable one. See, I don’t get hung up on whether my husband or friends or children have given me trinkets to show love. Your mother will still get upset her child does not give her flowers on her birthday? Sounds emotionally immature (and manipulative) to me. But as I said, you folks should stick together. Leave the rest of us out of it.