Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very tiring hearing the “women pressure men into kids” trope. Most of the time, it’s not true. Women will say they want marriage and kids, and if he doesn’t, she is leaving. At which point the man suddenly changes his mind. That is 100% on the man, he is an adult and can make his own choices.

Yeah, men aren't victims in that arrangement unless things have gone wrong in a legally-actionable way.

I'm done having kids. No man is going to be able to pressure me to change my mind. If it's "have my kids or I'll leave", well, bye! And men have even more agency here. Don't want kids? Get a vasectomy! If you change your mind later, you can have it reversed. At a minimum, bring and put on your own condom(s). Unless she kept you from doing those things, at gunpoint, you made a choice. Maybe she pressured you, but you can still stay no, and it's really easy to control where your D ends up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very tiring hearing the “women pressure men into kids” trope. Most of the time, it’s not true. Women will say they want marriage and kids, and if he doesn’t, she is leaving. At which point the man suddenly changes his mind. That is 100% on the man, he is an adult and can make his own choices.

Yeah, men aren't victims in that arrangement unless things have gone wrong in a legally-actionable way.

I'm done having kids. No man is going to be able to pressure me to change my mind. If it's "have my kids or I'll leave", well, bye! And men have even more agency here. Don't want kids? Get a vasectomy! If you change your mind later, you can have it reversed. At a minimum, bring and put on your own condom(s). Unless she kept you from doing those things, at gunpoint, you made a choice. Maybe she pressured you, but you can still stay no, and it's really easy to control where your D ends up.

The sort of man who'd walk away from his kids is exactly the sort of man who has a victim narrative about why he did so.

[Anonymous]

My dad did when we were teens. My mother worked her way up and became a high level C suite executive and started to earn far more than my father. This was relatively rare for the time too. So, she started to become…snobbier and would make comments about his “lowly” earnings. And then, of course, she started to sleep with other men, including a board member of her large corporation.

One day, he just never came home from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad did when we were teens. My mother worked her way up and became a high level C suite executive and started to earn far more than my father. This was relatively rare for the time too. So, she started to become…snobbier and would make comments about his “lowly” earnings. And then, of course, she started to sleep with other men, including a board member of her large corporation.

One day, he just never came home from work.

Are you really justifying your dad abandoning his children because of cheating? So he hates his wife, why does that mean he has to ditch his kids?? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

Correct. The people claiming "alienation" aren't doing their part to be actively involved in a healthy way. They either don't show up at all, or spend whatever parenting time they have belittling and blaming the parent with primary custody. Kids aren't stupid. They know who shows up for them and who makes excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

As can a determined angry man. My kids are adults. I'll let them figure it out for themselves. My door is always open. Sucks because I thought at a minimum we would remain civil for the sake of the kids who will always be the kids. He's not having it. He's told them I am toxic and to stay away entirely. So here I am! A childless mom for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad did when we were teens. My mother worked her way up and became a high level C suite executive and started to earn far more than my father. This was relatively rare for the time too. So, she started to become…snobbier and would make comments about his “lowly” earnings. And then, of course, she started to sleep with other men, including a board member of her large corporation.

One day, he just never came home from work.

Are you really justifying your dad abandoning his children because of cheating? So he hates his wife, why does that mean he has to ditch his kids?? Yikes.

Not justifying anything. I didn’t have control of the situation back then. Things happen and yes, the outcome sucks. Part of life is just accepting that some people suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

It's impossible to alienate someone from someone who's constantly around. There's no amount of "spite" that would invalidate the loving, constant presence and attention of the child's other parent.

It's a lot harder to be present and attentive if you bail on your family, at which point, you've "alienated" yourself. And if you did so in a way that makes you the AH, well, there's cause for the spite. Truthfully though: your kids will figure out the truth of who left and why and remember who was there and when. You can't fake connection, and you can't fake attention and care. The truth will out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom left my dad when we were 13 to live with her boyfriend. We never heard from her again. Over the years my dad tried to convince her to at least see her for couple of hours but he eventually lost all contact.

My dad raised us and I am surprised we turned out fine. I have been married for 10 years and my brother 12 years.

Humans are complex

Sorry this thread is only for evil men who walked away not women.

😄

[Anonymous]

It's impossible to alienate someone from someone who's constantly around. There's no amount of "spite" that would invalidate the loving, constant presence and attention of the child's other parent.

It's a lot harder to be present and attentive if you bail on your family, at which point, you've "alienated" yourself. And if you did so in a way that makes you the AH, well, there's cause for the spite. Truthfully though: your kids will figure out the truth of who left and why and remember who was there and when. You can't fake connection, and you can't fake attention and care. The truth will out.

This is incorrect, unfortunately. My sister is the SAHM, always there for her kids, the one to help with homework, make meals, drive, etc. Her husband travels very frequently for his career but when home mocks, belittles, screams and disrespects her in front of and to the kids. He talks about her to the kids behind her back. He has, over the years, alienated her from their kids when he is home - it’s almost like the kids are afraid to be nice to her in front of him. It’s marginally better when he’s traveling, but now the kids (teens) have witnessed the disrespect for so long that they dish it out, too. It’s a horrible situation that she has stayed in for the sake of the kids, but has still ended up with them basically icing her out and treating her with disdain anyway. Hopefully when they are adults they will see things from a different perspective, and hopefully by that time their parents won’t be together. But I know from witnessing this that parental alienation can happen whether or not a parent leaves the home, and I can imagine situations where a parent should leave even knowing the alienation would continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

Children aren’t that stupid. They know when a parent is checked out or abusive. My mom didn’t have to bad mouth him. We saw for ourselves. Years later, he’d deny things or try to contextualize them to his advantage, but couldn’t convince us.