Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question about the men who do this and then launch new families with a younger woman. Do those stick or do they end up walking away from those too?

A lot of times they are pretty hands off with the second set of kids and let the younger wife do all the child raising.

My dad was 10 years older than my mom, his second wife. My half siblings were 20 and 22 when I was born. My dad was very hands off and eventually walked on us when I was 10 or 11. I can’t even remember the exact age because he was pretty absent before that.

I think my mom received more censure for marrying someone who already had kids than my dad received for bailing on multiple families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously really bad for society in many ways- bad for families, bad for the children involved, bad for the second set of kids, just generally destructive of family life. It also messes with the dating pool and is damaging for women in general.

So I'm not sure why it's not more openly condemned or talked about. I guess since most media and public outlets are controlled by older men.

It's interesting to me that with all the talk about traditional families and conservative culture now, people don't talk about this more. Maybe young conservative women are content to marry middle-aged men on their second or third families? But men leaving their families to start a second family is pretty high on the list of societal dysfunction.

Agree. The RW is for anything that benefits wealthy men. When pressed, they resort to the usual “Marriages sometimes end” gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband did. Took 2 yrs. to get to the truth which was that he was gay.

I think mine is but will never even admit it to himself. It’s sad for both of us.

What were your clues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband did. Took 2 yrs. to get to the truth which was that he was gay.

I think mine is but will never even admit it to himself. It’s sad for both of us.

What were your clues?

The awkwardness around physical intimacy at the beginning that I attributed to inexperience never abated and also there were incidents of impotence. His face sometimes flashed an expression of repulsion during physical intimacy.

He never even glances at other women, but very much gravitates towards brotherhood type things, clings to his college athlete identity and friends, only watches movies/shows that feature big groups of men, and seems to have an intense self-loathing that nothing alleviates. He also says random homophobic things that are at odds with his other social and political beliefs. I know this stuff sounds like a reach; it’s just a gut feeling that’s built up after know him for almost 20 years.

[Anonymous]

My brother in law left my sister in law when their kids were 17 and 12 because “it was no longer interesting.” He had started a new family one town over. Kids don’t speak to him any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously really bad for society in many ways- bad for families, bad for the children involved, bad for the second set of kids, just generally destructive of family life. It also messes with the dating pool and is damaging for women in general.

So I'm not sure why it's not more openly condemned or talked about. I guess since most media and public outlets are controlled by older men.

It's interesting to me that with all the talk about traditional families and conservative culture now, people don't talk about this more. Maybe young conservative women are content to marry middle-aged men on their second or third families? But men leaving their families to start a second family is pretty high on the list of societal dysfunction.

100%

[Anonymous]

I have a few friends whose dads did this series of things:

Divorced,
Rarely if ever talked to or saw their kids,
then remarried, and either
had more kids whom they actively parented,
or raised stepkids essentially as their own.

Actively raising stepkids (financial support, etc.) when you've walked away from your kids is insane. I know it's more about raising the stepkids as extensions of the new wife but still. A couple friends had to scrape together financial aid and everything else to pay for their own college, for example, when the father paid for after-school activities and college for the stepkids.

[Anonymous]

I assume they would say what every man says after a break up: “My ex wife was crazy.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously really bad for society in many ways- bad for families, bad for the children involved, bad for the second set of kids, just generally destructive of family life. It also messes with the dating pool and is damaging for women in general.

So I'm not sure why it's not more openly condemned or talked about. I guess since most media and public outlets are controlled by older men.

It's interesting to me that with all the talk about traditional families and conservative culture now, people don't talk about this more. Maybe young conservative women are content to marry middle-aged men on their second or third families? But men leaving their families to start a second family is pretty high on the list of societal dysfunction.

It is not talked about for several reasons. The first of which is that our society prioritizes freedom and choice above almost all else, especially responsibility and tradition. The second of which is that the concept that marriage is between one man and one woman is also viewed as outdated, old-fashioned, and an outdated relic of Christian morality. The third of which is that it is a currently popular espoused belief among elites that all different types of family structures are equally good for raising children.

[Anonymous]

My BIL did this. He was an addict. He died recently and I don’t think he daughter cared. As far as I know, he hadn’t seen her since she was about 9.

[Anonymous]

My brother did this. And we are all so appalled and mad. It has caused a real issue because he thinks we should be on his side no matter what, and we are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obviously really bad for society in many ways- bad for families, bad for the children involved, bad for the second set of kids, just generally destructive of family life. It also messes with the dating pool and is damaging for women in general.

So I'm not sure why it's not more openly condemned or talked about. I guess since most media and public outlets are controlled by older men.

It's interesting to me that with all the talk about traditional families and conservative culture now, people don't talk about this more. Maybe young conservative women are content to marry middle-aged men on their second or third families? But men leaving their families to start a second family is pretty high on the list of societal dysfunction.

It is not talked about for several reasons. The first of which is that our society prioritizes freedom and choice above almost all else, especially responsibility and tradition. The second of which is that the concept that marriage is between one man and one woman is also viewed as outdated, old-fashioned, and an outdated relic of Christian morality. The third of which is that it is a currently popular espoused belief among elites that all different types of family structures are equally good for raising children.

It would be better for kids if poly marriages were legalized and men allowed to host 2 families in the same house. And obligated to take care of kids (minimum college costs, as in Germany for example).

[Anonymous]

Like many men, my father was narcissistic and an egomaniac. So of course he left my mother to raise his 4 children alone when we were all younger than 8, never saw him again. Fifty years later, his children are all grad school educated professionals, he's dying alone in a crummy nursing home, and he's complaining that his "beloved" children don't support him financially and never visited him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother did this. And we are all so appalled and mad. It has caused a real issue because he thinks we should be on his side no matter what, and we are not.

In my case, my DH is trying to keep it from my SIL and MIL and I’m sure he will eventually tell them a wild story. They will be on his side no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother did this. And we are all so appalled and mad. It has caused a real issue because he thinks we should be on his side no matter what, and we are not.

In my case, my DH is trying to keep it from my SIL and MIL and I’m sure he will eventually tell them a wild story. They will be on his side no matter what.

I just went to a second marriage wedding where the bride's ex-SIL was an honor attendant.