Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad did when we were teens. My mother worked her way up and became a high level C suite executive and started to earn far more than my father. This was relatively rare for the time too. So, she started to become…snobbier and would make comments about his “lowly” earnings. And then, of course, she started to sleep with other men, including a board member of her large corporation.

One day, he just never came home from work.

He abandoned you over that?

What a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom left my dad when we were 13 to live with her boyfriend. We never heard from her again. Over the years my dad tried to convince her to at least see her for couple of hours but he eventually lost all contact.

My dad raised us and I am surprised we turned out fine. I have been married for 10 years and my brother 12 years.

Humans are complex

Sorry this thread is only for evil men who walked away not women.

😄

I'm a woman who left. I left the abuse. I didn't want to leave. It was the hardest year of my life. I missed my kid so much.
Nobody blamed me for leaving. Not even his family. Sil said she was glad I left.
He took himself out. We are al living without the toxicity now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad did when we were teens. My mother worked her way up and became a high level C suite executive and started to earn far more than my father. This was relatively rare for the time too. So, she started to become…snobbier and would make comments about his “lowly” earnings. And then, of course, she started to sleep with other men, including a board member of her large corporation.

One day, he just never came home from work.

He abandoned you over that?

What a loser.

Sounds like she got rid of him for an ap and much more to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

Yes you can. You refuse phone calls and don’t have the kids there for dad’s time. Go to court, judge fusses at mom, mom makes promises and still refuses. Repeat. Kids want to please so they want to please mom or there are consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very tiring hearing the “women pressure men into kids” trope. Most of the time, it’s not true. Women will say they want marriage and kids, and if he doesn’t, she is leaving. At which point the man suddenly changes his mind. That is 100% on the man, he is an adult and can make his own choices.

Yeah, men aren't victims in that arrangement unless things have gone wrong in a legally-actionable way.

I'm done having kids. No man is going to be able to pressure me to change my mind. If it's "have my kids or I'll leave", well, bye! And men have even more agency here. Don't want kids? Get a vasectomy! If you change your mind later, you can have it reversed. At a minimum, bring and put on your own condom(s). Unless she kept you from doing those things, at gunpoint, you made a choice. Maybe she pressured you, but you can still stay no, and it's really easy to control where your D ends up.

If you don’t want more kids you get your tubes tied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

Children aren’t that stupid. They know when a parent is checked out or abusive. My mom didn’t have to bad mouth him. We saw for ourselves. Years later, he’d deny things or try to contextualize them to his advantage, but couldn’t convince us.

That’s your situation not all.

[Anonymous]

My exSIL walked away but eventually came back. She was young and realized after having kids that she didn’t want to really be a mother yet so she left. She had met someone new at a party, started having an affair and then decided she would rather party than parent. Moved in with her affair guy and partied it up for a couple years. My brother was also young but did the opposite and grew up and took on the responsibility of being a parent.

[Anonymous]

My exh demanded 50/50 and got it. Now, he frequently brings up that the kids are happier with me and wants to give me full custody. It’s a shit show. Kids also dislike going to dad’s house bc … well, dad wasn’t the nurturer doing most of our marriage. I was a SAHM for a time and was closer to our kids. So, exH is on the verge of “walking away.” He says he’ll stay involved but wants to give up custody. I truly wonder what AP’s position is. Is she encouraging this so exH’s time is no longer divided? Not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

Wrong. Don’t believe the lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's impossible to alienate someone from someone who's constantly around. There's no amount of "spite" that would invalidate the loving, constant presence and attention of the child's other parent.

It's a lot harder to be present and attentive if you bail on your family, at which point, you've "alienated" yourself. And if you did so in a way that makes you the AH, well, there's cause for the spite. Truthfully though: your kids will figure out the truth of who left and why and remember who was there and when. You can't fake connection, and you can't fake attention and care. The truth will out.

This is incorrect, unfortunately. My sister is the SAHM, always there for her kids, the one to help with homework, make meals, drive, etc. Her husband travels very frequently for his career but when home mocks, belittles, screams and disrespects her in front of and to the kids. He talks about her to the kids behind her back. He has, over the years, alienated her from their kids when he is home - it’s almost like the kids are afraid to be nice to her in front of him. It’s marginally better when he’s traveling, but now the kids (teens) have witnessed the disrespect for so long that they dish it out, too. It’s a horrible situation that she has stayed in for the sake of the kids, but has still ended up with them basically icing her out and treating her with disdain anyway. Hopefully when they are adults they will see things from a different perspective, and hopefully by that time their parents won’t be together. But I know from witnessing this that parental alienation can happen whether or not a parent leaves the home, and I can imagine situations where a parent should leave even knowing the alienation would continue.

Tell your sister to raise her standards. You can't blame someone else for 'alienating' you over treatment you accept and allow. If she's getting that crap from her kids too, even when he's not around, that's on her, not him. Say no, and teach your kids better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I will get slammed, but most of these marriages are dead and transactional by that point anyway. It’s rarely a shock to anyone, and in retrospect, often a blessing.

Marriage shouldn’t stop a father from being a father. If his marriage dissolves he’s no longer a husband, but he’s still a father. That isn’t an excuse for dead beats.

Some moms want to cover up their affair and play happy family with the ap. Dad’s role is only money and she refuses contact and alienates the kids. It goes both ways.

Nope. You can’t alienate the kids if you’re an involved caring parent to begin with. Stop making excuses for lazy men who refuse to parent.

A determined angry woman can absolutely alienate the kids. Stop making excuses for spiteful women.

Children aren’t that stupid. They know when a parent is checked out or abusive. My mom didn’t have to bad mouth him. We saw for ourselves. Years later, he’d deny things or try to contextualize them to his advantage, but couldn’t convince us.

That’s your situation not all.

That is overwhelmingly true of all but the most stupid children. You'll get away with lying to them while they're young, but teens and up will naturally rebel against your bullshit narratives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's impossible to alienate someone from someone who's constantly around. There's no amount of "spite" that would invalidate the loving, constant presence and attention of the child's other parent.

It's a lot harder to be present and attentive if you bail on your family, at which point, you've "alienated" yourself. And if you did so in a way that makes you the AH, well, there's cause for the spite. Truthfully though: your kids will figure out the truth of who left and why and remember who was there and when. You can't fake connection, and you can't fake attention and care. The truth will out.

This is incorrect, unfortunately. My sister is the SAHM, always there for her kids, the one to help with homework, make meals, drive, etc. Her husband travels very frequently for his career but when home mocks, belittles, screams and disrespects her in front of and to the kids. He talks about her to the kids behind her back. He has, over the years, alienated her from their kids when he is home - it’s almost like the kids are afraid to be nice to her in front of him. It’s marginally better when he’s traveling, but now the kids (teens) have witnessed the disrespect for so long that they dish it out, too. It’s a horrible situation that she has stayed in for the sake of the kids, but has still ended up with them basically icing her out and treating her with disdain anyway. Hopefully when they are adults they will see things from a different perspective, and hopefully by that time their parents won’t be together. But I know from witnessing this that parental alienation can happen whether or not a parent leaves the home, and I can imagine situations where a parent should leave even knowing the alienation would continue.

Disrespect isn't the same as alienation, though it's usually a component. Letting someone disrespect you to your face is a problem you can control. Staying in a situation where you're being disrespected to the point your kids are mimicking that behavior makes you complicit in your own suffering. PP's sister has agency she's not using. If you tolerate disrespect, you can't act shocked when you keep getting disrespected.

[Anonymous]

Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

[Anonymous]

A neighbor of mine (and friend) had her DH just come home one day and say he fell in love with another woman and was leaving. Kids were 10 and 14. Totally out of left field. She had absolutely no clue. I don't understand how people can be so....... sh*tty but there you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second family dudes are my least favorite. I think it’s because of growing up around enough first family kids. But now as an adult, if you have a second family I have a really hard time respecting you even if you’re a senator or a fancy lawyer or whatever. It’s a red line for me. I understand that people get divorced, but I’ll never understand the do-over family.

Thank you.

My dad and his wife moved to another state shortly after having their kid and creating the second family.

They no-showed a family wedding. Within a year, cut off all contact with me and my siblings (college and post college age, so not a "parenting" issue). We never were invited or visited home in new state. I do not think anyone there knew he had 3 kids from his first marriage. It was if he started a completely new life, blank slate. It's been 20+ years now and no word. Their daughter grew up, went to college, got married and had their grandchild. My son has never met them. Second family dude indeed.