Making sure partner isn’t a creep

[Anonymous]

I’ve thought about this, I’d only date someone who was interested in me before I married and had kids. Most of those men were great guys and got snapped up. The odds of both of us losing our spouses and finding each other is so low, I don’t see it happening.

[Anonymous]

I’ll chime in as a divorced dad to say my ex remarried a great guy who is terrific with both my son and daughter, who were in 4th and 5th grades when they met him. He was a dad to a boy and girl about the same ages, which probably contributed some to the trust at first, but I’ve seen how they interact as a Brady bunch type family and it’s completely above board.

[Anonymous]

Put your child first and get a vibrator if you need sex so badly.

I hate parents that won’t put their kids ahead of their sexual wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

100%.
You’re not cool with making sure my kid is safe? Hit the road. Not going to be a good partner or step parent if they care more about their ego than a child’s safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

100%.
You’re not cool with making sure my kid is safe? Hit the road. Not going to be a good partner or step parent if they care more about their ego than a child’s safety.

I don’t think it’s a matter of ego to not want to be treated like a child molester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am really impressed by you as well. I am glad that you are being very levelheaded about this, even though you are in a place where you’re considering marrying this person. These are real and serious questions every parent in this situation needs to consider. pedophiles as you know never walk around with a huge sign on their head, may not have anything in their background search, nor do they behave in inappropriate ways with their own nieces and nephews. They are also often people you never expect. I don’t have any specific advice for you here other than to keep up your vigilance, and make sure your daughter knows that you will always be there for her if she wants to discuss anything. I had a step father and he was sexually abusive during the middle school years. Pressing me against him hard in a hug so he could feel my budding breasts. Kissing me on the lips and trying to stick his lips inside my mouth. Thank god it stopped when I started high school. My mother was unemployed, in a new country, barely spoke English at the time. Given the fragile situation, I was sure she would never take my side. Her not taking my side would have crushed me more than the abuse so, I didn’t bring it up. When she did become employed and would work nights, I would stay holed up in my room. To this day, my mom can’t understand why I have such an intense hatred of my stepfather. I cut the relationship with the stepfather and my own babies have never seen him. My step dad has nothing on a background check, he treats his nieces and nephews wonderfully, and everyone otherwise thinks he is a saint. Be very careful, OP.

Ever consider it's you, not him?

Look at that wall of text. There's something there in you that needs to be addressed for you own good.

Ew this is the type of man who shuns protections for child safety. Blames the child who was sexually abused. You’re a disgusting pig and I seriously hope you don’t have any access to children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in as a divorced dad to say my ex remarried a great guy who is terrific with both my son and daughter, who were in 4th and 5th grades when they met him. He was a dad to a boy and girl about the same ages, which probably contributed some to the trust at first, but I’ve seen how they interact as a Brady bunch type family and it’s completely above board.

That sounds like what my best friend’s dad told himself. Meanwhile, her stepfather, who was also a father to two daughters, was molesting her. Her people thought it was weird that she chose to go live with her dad full-time across the country in the middle of high school, but I understood it. Her mom still denies it, though she did divorce him shortly after her daughter moved out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

100%.
You’re not cool with making sure my kid is safe? Hit the road. Not going to be a good partner or step parent if they care more about their ego than a child’s safety.

I don’t think it’s a matter of ego to not want to be treated like a child molester.

Nope. It’s all ego. And your ego is not more important than that child’s safety. How can you even think otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH i would really to get married. You talk about how he's your partner. In what way? You probably should have vetted him before this

She's probably vetted his wallet.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a single mom basically my entire life. Looking back, I am so so grateful she didn’t date around when I was young. There are too many stories of these men assaulting children and women who won’t stand up for them.
FWIW my mom met and married someone when I was in my early 20s and they are quite happy together. I’m glad she waited and put me first when I needed it, but I’m also glad she found someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We’ve been dating for 2 years. I’ve met his extended family as well as his close friends. He has nephews ages 5-15 who I regularly see him around. Never noticed anything weird. I haven’t seen him around tween girls. I did a background check when we first started dating. Nothing alarming there.

Well OP if you have been seeing him for two years and you STILL are t sure he is not a child abuser than something must be off with this guy and you need to just break up with him. Stop wasting time. Something is setting off your alarm bells. Listen to your intuition.

If on the other hand you have been consuming a large quantity of social media anti male scare material i.e. every man is an abuser type stuff you might want to reconsider your reading habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

100%.
You’re not cool with making sure my kid is safe? Hit the road. Not going to be a good partner or step parent if they care more about their ego than a child’s safety.

I don’t think it’s a matter of ego to not want to be treated like a child molester.

Nope. It’s all ego. And your ego is not more important than that child’s safety. How can you even think otherwise?

OP, it appears the great minds of DCUM have spoken, and your request for cohabitation is denied. You can reapply in 12 years when your daughter is a full fledged adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a social media account called consentparenting that is pretty disturbing but has a lot of good info.

One thing I saw on it is to create a rule where you never leave your child alone with the step parent. So stepdad never babysits.

Also, the site has stats showing that abuse often comes from other children. So you have to watch out for stepsiblings especially teen ones.

The very simple way to get around this is no step parents, no blended families

True. Yet ironically the same folks throwing up the caution flags about stepdads etc.get offended when the MAGA types criticize non traditional families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

100%.
You’re not cool with making sure my kid is safe? Hit the road. Not going to be a good partner or step parent if they care more about their ego than a child’s safety.

I don’t think it’s a matter of ego to not want to be treated like a child molester.

Nope. It’s all ego. And your ego is not more important than that child’s safety. How can you even think otherwise?

OP, it appears the great minds of DCUM have spoken, and your request for cohabitation is denied. You can reapply in 12 years when your daughter is a full fledged adult.

Cohabitation is overrated.