Making sure partner isn’t a creep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with asking for a background check and I would suggest a camera in child's room.

I feel sorry for whoever this guy is. He is unknowingly walking into a criminal charge, if there is any future conflict at all,… which never happens with teenagers.

OP, do him a favor and cut him loose now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with asking for a background check and I would suggest a camera in child's room.

Poor kid loses their privacy due to mommy's thoughts about men? How messed up is that, and what trauma will that cause the child.

Uh, kids don't need privacy; they need safety.

[Anonymous]

Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....

Same. I wouldn't even leave my 6-year-old alone with my dad or brother, and I have no reason not to trust them - I spent an entire childhood at home with no issue. And maybe I am nuts too, but I've never left my daugter alone with a man other than her father: no sleepaway camps, no sleepovers. It's nothing I've announced either. I just have a powerful feeling that I have to protect her.

That's freaking nuts .

[Anonymous]

There is no way to be sure. Good friend of mine had a daughter. Married a guy who seemed normal. As soon as daughter hit puberty he turned into a creep. Ugh. Made my skin crawl hearing about it. Obviously my friend divorced him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am really impressed by you as well. I am glad that you are being very levelheaded about this, even though you are in a place where you’re considering marrying this person. These are real and serious questions every parent in this situation needs to consider. pedophiles as you know never walk around with a huge sign on their head, may not have anything in their background search, nor do they behave in inappropriate ways with their own nieces and nephews. They are also often people you never expect. I don’t have any specific advice for you here other than to keep up your vigilance, and make sure your daughter knows that you will always be there for her if she wants to discuss anything. I had a step father and he was sexually abusive during the middle school years. Pressing me against him hard in a hug so he could feel my budding breasts. Kissing me on the lips and trying to stick his lips inside my mouth. Thank god it stopped when I started high school. My mother was unemployed, in a new country, barely spoke English at the time. Given the fragile situation, I was sure she would never take my side. Her not taking my side would have crushed me more than the abuse so, I didn’t bring it up. When she did become employed and would work nights, I would stay holed up in my room. To this day, my mom can’t understand why I have such an intense hatred of my stepfather. I cut the relationship with the stepfather and my own babies have never seen him. My step dad has nothing on a background check, he treats his nieces and nephews wonderfully, and everyone otherwise thinks he is a saint. Be very careful, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....

Same. I wouldn't even leave my 6-year-old alone with my dad or brother, and I have no reason not to trust them - I spent an entire childhood at home with no issue. And maybe I am nuts too, but I've never left my daugter alone with a man other than her father: no sleepaway camps, no sleepovers. It's nothing I've announced either. I just have a powerful feeling that I have to protect her.

That's freaking nuts .

It's the mama bear instinct. You can't ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....

Same. I wouldn't even leave my 6-year-old alone with my dad or brother, and I have no reason not to trust them - I spent an entire childhood at home with no issue. And maybe I am nuts too, but I've never left my daugter alone with a man other than her father: no sleepaway camps, no sleepovers. It's nothing I've announced either. I just have a powerful feeling that I have to protect her.

That's freaking nuts .

No kidding. By the mother's logic, she should never leave the kid alone with the father. They're statistically much more likely to sexually abuse than someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

He should protect himself just as the mother is protecting her child. He has no idea what could happen if the relationship falls apart with the mother. Dating a single mother is just a bad idea all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

Ok but what do you want from this guy? You can do a background check, but if this is the first time he’s been around a stepdaughter there is no way for him to prove he will be safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....

Same. I wouldn't even leave my 6-year-old alone with my dad or brother, and I have no reason not to trust them - I spent an entire childhood at home with no issue. And maybe I am nuts too, but I've never left my daugter alone with a man other than her father: no sleepaway camps, no sleepovers. It's nothing I've announced either. I just have a powerful feeling that I have to protect her.

That's freaking nuts .

No kidding. By the mother's logic, she should never leave the kid alone with the father. They're statistically much more likely to sexually abuse than someone else.

Let me ask a practical question. What happens if OP does get married, and they decide to have a child together to “cement the marriage”, which women are want to do. Do you still try to maintain this “never leave alone” policy for the existing daughter, given the care a newborn takes. It all becomes unworkable if DD has a busy activity schedule. Or she can just sit home in her room, under watchful camera eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

He should protect himself just as the mother is protecting her child. He has no idea what could happen if the relationship falls apart with the mother. Dating a single mother is just a bad idea all around.

It sounds like cameras in every room recording all the time is the only solution, like Big Brother TV show. That way everyone is protected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with asking for a background check and I would suggest a camera in child's room.

Poor kid loses their privacy due to mommy's thoughts about men? How messed up is that, and what trauma will that cause the child.

Uh, kids don't need privacy; they need safety.

Wow! Feel sorry for any kids you have/had. That's horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a woman but if I were a man, I would be very cautious entering a relationship where I'm by default considered a potential threat. Totally not worth it.

I was molested by my older cousin brother when I was 11

Ant man who is going to get in his feelings about a mom protecting her child is not a man worth having.

He should protect himself just as the mother is protecting her child. He has no idea what could happen if the relationship falls apart with the mother. Dating a single mother is just a bad idea all around.

It sure would be a bad idea if they act like the OP. That is crazy paranoid behavior that needs some psychological intervention.