Making sure partner isn’t a creep

[Anonymous]

I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can ask for a background check ?

The best thing right now , in case you havent done it yet is to teach your daugter about being careful, and to learn how to react if someone is trying to touch her.

Be safe 🙂

- a victim who understands you 100%

[Anonymous]

How long have you known him? Who else in his life do you know? Have you seen him around tweens and teens?

[Anonymous]

TBH i would really to get married. You talk about how he's your partner. In what way? You probably should have vetted him before this

[Anonymous]

OP here. We’ve been dating for 2 years. I’ve met his extended family as well as his close friends. He has nephews ages 5-15 who I regularly see him around. Never noticed anything weird. I haven’t seen him around tween girls. I did a background check when we first started dating. Nothing alarming there.

[Anonymous]

Check his search history if you can access his computer.

[Anonymous]

I think the most important part is to make sure your relationship with your children is rock solid so they will not delay coming to you when things feel wrong. Of course, the trouble is you have to be ready to take drastic action even if it’s an overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to get remarried? Do you plan to have more kids? If not, is there any way you can get him comfortable with not getting remarried or cohabitating? I had two friends growing up who lived with their mom and stepdad, and their stepdad abused both, so that's 2 for 2.

[Anonymous]

I would wait to marry.

[Anonymous]

Sadly moms boyfriend is more likely to abuse her kids than dads girlfriend. My ex wife let her boyfriend move in. I told my son to watch over his sister. There is nothing I can do about this. All I can do is hope and pray he is who he told her he was.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about you getting married?

[Anonymous]

Don't get married.

[Anonymous]

You should be honest and express your concerns to your partner. He may not want to deal with this at all, since it sounds like there will always be doubts. Better for all to back out now, before combining households.

[Anonymous]

TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....

[Anonymous]

Check his search history. Look at who he follows on social media, and what his Suggesteds are.