Making sure partner isn’t a creep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

You have to be a virgin then, because by your standard you can never ever know.

Nope. Most men aren’t molesters. A lot of women have terrible pickers, though.

That is certainly not the tenor of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a sad thread on a number of dimensions.

Most of the users here are certifiable for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

You have to be a virgin then, because by your standard you can never ever know.

Nope. Most men aren’t molesters. A lot of women have terrible pickers, though.

That is certainly not the tenor of this thread.

Nonetheless it is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

No intelligent man or woman would proceed in that relationship. But kudos for being honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

Probably wise advice about dating a single mom under any circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

You have to be a virgin then, because by your standard you can never ever know.

Nope. Most men aren’t molesters. A lot of women have terrible pickers, though.

So it's...it's a woman's fault if her partner molests her child? It is the molester's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

Probably wise advice about dating a single mom under any circumstances.

Always ask "who initiated the divorce".

If the man initiated it and left, then don't date him.
If the woman initiated it and left, then don't date her.

People who run off from a marriage are damaged people.

They knew who they were marrying, or else were blind to it the whole time.

Either way, the one who leaves is almost always damaged goods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

Probably wise advice about dating a single mom under any circumstances.

Always ask "who initiated the divorce".

If the man initiated it and left, then don't date him.
If the woman initiated it and left, then don't date her.

People who run off from a marriage are damaged people.

They knew who they were marrying, or else were blind to it the whole time.

Either way, the one who leaves is almost always damaged goods.

Your missing a key fact about this. See if you can find it on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

Probably wise advice about dating a single mom under any circumstances.

Always ask "who initiated the divorce".

If the man initiated it and left, then don't date him.
If the woman initiated it and left, then don't date her.

People who run off from a marriage are damaged people.

They knew who they were marrying, or else were blind to it the whole time.

Either way, the one who leaves is almost always damaged goods.

The one who chose to marry a damaged person is also damaged — in a very different way, obviously.

It helps no one to ignore this reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

Probably wise advice about dating a single mom under any circumstances.

Always ask "who initiated the divorce".

If the man initiated it and left, then don't date him.
If the woman initiated it and left, then don't date her.

People who run off from a marriage are damaged people.

They knew who they were marrying, or else were blind to it the whole time.

Either way, the one who leaves is almost always damaged goods.

Apparently if you initiate a divorce because your spouse cheated, you are the damaged person and everyone should avoid you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

This doesn't need to be said out loud. Any man dating a single mom will always be under suspicion. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

This doesn't need to be said out loud. Any man dating a single mom will always be under suspicion. Obviously.

That’s one of many reasons why you don’t date single moms. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a widow with a 6 year old daughter. My current partner would like to get married. I love him and think he’s wonderful. Something that gives me pause is that as a child one of my aunts married a pedophile who ended up abusing her kids. I don’t want to introduce anything like that to my kid.

For those of you who remarried with kids, how did you determine your new partner wasn’t an abuser?

If you don't know this person well enough to not be sure he isn't a.child abuser then why are you even anywhere close to talking marriage.

If you have a shred of doubt he might be an abuser why are you in a relationship with him at all.

What the actual

All this. How are you spreading your legs for someone who you think might want to spread your daughters’?

You are an idiot. You never know anyone, ever. You think any mother went along with a new man in the house thinking they would ever abuse their children? What a stupid comment you made!

I said what I said. I would never sleep with anyone I thought could potentially abuse a child. Apparently OP is doing so. So who’s the idiot here?

Not PP. The real problem here is you can never prove a negative in something like this, particularly in the future. This guy will always be under suspicion. And if OP has a frank conversation with DD “to plant the seed”, then that is ripe for problems as well.

I think OP needs to confront the partner right now and express her concerns that he may be an abuser. He needs to know. He may not want to even see OP causally, given the future limitations of the relationship. If I was him, I would cut all contact, and just move on.

That's not how you get to know someone. You can do things like a background check, pay attention to their friend group, watch for red flag activities (like when you go to the beach, do they oggle young girls?), meet their family to confirm their parents are still married, their dad isn't a creep, and they get along with their siblings and neices/nephews and confirm are no skeletons in the closet, and ask thoughtful but not accusatory questions. But even if you do all this, you can't be "sure" they won't abuse your child. There is nothing you can do to get certainty on this issue.

Categories like f'ed up family, stepmon, stepkid, stepsiblings are popular on porn sites, which is another indication this is a considerable risk with a large part of the population.

I'm wondering how old OP is. If OP is a 28-year-old widow, and she met a single man with no kids who wants to marry her and have more kids for her, and she, too, wants a bigger family, maybe it is worth the risk for some people in OP's shoes. However, if OP is done having kids, or he doesn't want to have kids with her, or he has kids (especially if he has boys), then cohabitation is just plain stupid. What would OP gain from cohabitation, and at what cost?

You miss the point of the post. You’re discussing all ways to possibly vet someone, but the gist of this thread is you can never ever be sure, so always be suspicious and limit contact.

My point is that the prospective partner should know he will always be under suspicion until DD enters adulthood. He should be told that now, he may not want to move forward under any circumstance with any form of relationship, given this.

This doesn't need to be said out loud. Any man dating a single mom will always be under suspicion. Obviously.

Totally disagree under the circumstances of OP, but that’s ok.