Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

[Anonymous]

My DD was a server at 16 and got inappropriate comments and hit on from time to time. When men asked her out, she always said, "I'm 16 so that date would be a felony!" and that shut them up. For those saying inappropriate things, she immediately told her MOD and they always took care of those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

So in your opinion, what is harassment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

That is actually harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Ugh. Found the misogynistic predator. You are disgusting for trying to normalize harassing women.

The guys that do this are simply hard up. They are to be pitied.

The "I bet you think strippers like you too" type of man.

Yes. Anyone who hits on service staff is a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

Wrong again pervo! That is textbook harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

Only in Iowa (16), Maine (17) and Michigan (17):

https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/apis-policy-topics/minimum-ages-for-on-premises-servers-and-bartenders/38

In Virginia, 16 year olds can work in restaurants including ones that serve alcohol, they just can't serve it themselves.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I remember this exact scenario when I waited tables as a teenager. We can all agree it's crappy behavior on the part of the customer but that doesn't make it stop, so she's got to figure out what makes her feels like she has some power and control in the situation.

To be honest, I just blatantly ignored it many times, which discouraged most guys from asking again. Just acted like I didn't hear. Other times, I'd be straightforward and say "nope. But can I get you anything else or your check?"
Sometimes if the guy seemed harmless, I cracked a joke like "nah, you're not my type" and then all their friends would be like "dannnnnnggggg" (but that's riskier if he gets mad). The one time there was a pushy a-hole, I asked a male server to take over and took my break.

The one job I did quit was when I worked on a golf course. I felt way too vulnerable by myself in the cart and those guys were in their 40's and 50's and acting like damn fools to impress each other. I quit after 3 weeks and never looked back.

It's such an unfortunate part of the service industry and I wish it no longer existed. Hope she finds a strategy that helps her feel more comfortable at work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

So someone asking you for a date or your number is now consider harassment? That's insane.
Being insistent, or touching, sure.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately men can be rude. I’m in my 50’s and just got hit on yesterday. This will be happening to your daughter for decades. It’s a shame what women deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

You are ignorant on this topic and you don't belong in this thread.

Any restaurant owner/ manager would laugh at a server who complained about men asking for her number. And while I'm sympathetic to young women who get unwanted attention, I also can't see how a manager would police that.

It doesn’t need to be a complaint or need policing. She should just ask the manager, or another more experienced server, what their best strategy is for dealing with requests like this.

This. Why did PP assume complaint or a request for policing? This is such a DCUM thing.

[Anonymous]

JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

Only in Iowa (16), Maine (17) and Michigan (17):

https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/apis-policy-topics/minimum-ages-for-on-premises-servers-and-bartenders/38

In Virginia, 16 year olds can work in restaurants including ones that serve alcohol, they just can't serve it themselves.

Which makes them a PITA to hire, so most places won't hire them for those positions. That's also not the only reason they're a pita.