Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Did someone say it was sexual harassment? I missed that.

Harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a weird thread.

Asking for someone’s number is not harassment. A bit low class to do it to a server when you are a customer but not harassment. There is no need to wear a wedding ring, apologize or offer any explanation. A simple polite no should suffice. No need to dramatize a non dramatic situation.

An adult asking for a teenager's phone number is harassment. Especially when there is the power imbalance of customer service, and the teenager is relying on a good tip. She feels like if she says no, she won't get that tip she's hustling for.

OP never stated the age of her daughter or the age of the people asking for her number. This could be 19 year olds flirting with a 17 year old or something.

Plenty of people tip poorly for all sorts of reasons. Typically young female servers benefit from higher tips relative to their actual quality of service. I rarely hear them whine about that.

Anyway, plenty of people are low class all around the world you still need to deal with them. We can’t lock away all the ignorant people just because you don’t like them. So my advice is sound regardless. You have no good advice you are just railing against reality.

No old man

The 19 year old would ask for her snap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Ugh. Found the misogynistic predator. You are disgusting for trying to normalize harassing women.

[Anonymous]

How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Ugh. Found the misogynistic predator. You are disgusting for trying to normalize harassing women.

You’re disgusting trying to normalize men hating. Go to therapy Karen.

It's 100% fine to hate men who harass women. Stop harassing women, and you won't have an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

[Anonymous]

We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

Only in Iowa (16), Maine (17) and Michigan (17):

https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/apis-policy-topics/minimum-ages-for-on-premises-servers-and-bartenders/38

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Ugh. Found the misogynistic predator. You are disgusting for trying to normalize harassing women.

The guys that do this are simply hard up. They are to be pitied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is waiting tables this summer, and gets hit on/ asked for her number. It makes her really uncomfortable. And she says it wrecks her focus and she doesn't feel like she does as good a job after one of these incidents. Of course I've told her it gets better with practice (ugh) and that this is just part of being in the world, but I still hate it for her.

I was a waitress at her age too, and remember lots of inappropriate men but I was pretty bold at that age and it didn't ruin my day the way it does hers. She and I have very different personalities. I once dumped a pitcher of ice water on a guy who patted my butt. She would shrivel up and die if someone did that to her.

I'd love some ideas on how she can respond to them, and for reframing these interactions for her.

What’s wrong with you?

A waitress job and you think letting her keep working there is ok?

You suck

Teach her to punch them in the face and then quit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for a phone number is not sexual harassment. I’m sorry you sure tapped or whatever but stop hating men for being men. You disgust me. No underage child should be waiting tables, if they are they should quit.

Ugh. Found the misogynistic predator. You are disgusting for trying to normalize harassing women.

The guys that do this are simply hard up. They are to be pitied.

The "I bet you think strippers like you too" type of man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she OP? Nobody I know hires underage servers.

Well la di da

It's probably not Nobu

Lots of establishment that are open only over the summer hire under 18 servers

Only in Iowa (16), Maine (17) and Michigan (17):

https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/apis-policy-topics/minimum-ages-for-on-premises-servers-and-bartenders/38

We don't even know the DD's age let alone whether they work at a establishment that serves alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

What's your answer for all the other situations? Did you wear yourself out typing up an answer for a fictional 16 yo Romeo who still calls using the phone.