Sister Incorporating My Son into Her Wedding

[Anonymous]

Nobody does first look with a KID! Ugh! That gives me such bad vibes.

Pre ask the kid if he would be interested in participating in the wedding. Include both of the other things your sister wants, plus passing out programs (check with sister prior) or just supporting her from pews. He chooses. You inform your sister that you consulted kid and he’s offered to help in this specific way. You do not allow your sister to put your son in that position if he’s uncomfortable with it. An eight year old might love to walk his auntie down the aisle, but your son is 12. The moment has likely passed. You need to guard his right to be an awkward teen and blend into the background if he so chooses.

And in the kindest voice I can manage, before you get married, you desperately need to go to some form of therapy. The fact that you’re considering to get your son stands in for your dad is worth discussing with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you engaged? Your post reads like a teenager envisioning a fake wedding. Don’t make this about you on your wedding day if there isn’t a fiance and wedding date.

The thing with your son is creepy…your mom should be filling all of those roles except the cufflinks, that’s the only sweet/sentimental thing the kid should be forced to do. He isn’t giving away his Aunt, nor will he care about the rest of it.

Yeah I could see that. I'm in a LT relationship. Our timeline is getting engaged after my sister's wedding so I'm not stealing her spotlight and honestly probably another year after because I need to financially recover from her wedding. I've also never been married before so maybe I just don't fully understand that it's not that big of a deal. I could see myself looking back and realizing I was upset over nothing

How much are you spending on the wedding?!

I'm contributing 20K and the groom's parents are doing the same and they have to come up with the rest

Why? Do you owe her money?

No because our dad is dead and our mom can contribute maybe 1K.

[Anonymous]

F1rSt lEwk

[Anonymous]

This reeks of enmeshment and emotional dependency of a minor. Why is your sister using a 12 year old to fulfill her emotional needs? So so weird and creepy.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this scenario for a minute. Y'all are gullible.

[Anonymous]

I have a 12 year old son and he could care less about a “first look”. That is creepy imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reeks of enmeshment and emotional dependency of a minor. Why is your sister using a 12 year old to fulfill her emotional needs? So so weird and creepy.

Adding this in to knowing op was pressured to donate 20 k when her sister couldn't afford it is like some weird incestuous hillbilly thing.

Op this is all weird and gross. How old are you and do you have significant savings ? If you don't you are stealing money that should be for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this scenario for a minute. Y'all are gullible.

Yeah, I’m here with the addition of the $20k. This has to be a troll. If not, these “women” sound like 16 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Im 28 and I work in big law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a First Look?

Um, yeah, what's a First Look?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son is 12 years old. First look is supposed to be a moment between the bride and someone or a few people (e.g., groom, dad, bridesmaids) where there is essentially a reveal of the bride to that individual. They get a first look at the bride before she walks down the aisle. I always thought of it being a special and private moment. She is wanting to do it with just my son.

How is he supposed to walk her down the aisle without seeing her first?

First looks are these staged set up pictures. Like his back will be turned and then she approaches him and he turns around and they capture the looks of love and wonder when he sees her for the first time. Which, won't be there for a 12 year old boy.

Ah, a performance, now I understand. Everything now is a performance for the camera. If it isn't staged for social media, none of it is valid.
These sisters are shallow.
This poor 12 year old is a puppet in their drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 28 and I work in big law

No you don't. Good troll though.

[Anonymous]

Where did this First Look thing come from? Is it a social media invention?
I'd been told that a bride should not see the groom on their wedding day until the ceremony. Some people say it's bad luck. Whatever it is, it definitely numbs the surprise and high emotions that would otherwise occur as the ceremony begins.
But I guess getting lots of 'likes' online is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son is 12 years old. First look is supposed to be a moment between the bride and someone or a few people (e.g., groom, dad, bridesmaids) where there is essentially a reveal of the bride to that individual. They get a first look at the bride before she walks down the aisle. I always thought of it being a special and private moment. She is wanting to do it with just my son.

12???!!
WTF!!
Whole thing is a bit off for a 12 year old. Let your mom walk her down the aisle. Whole family can ‘give her away’ . Mom or whole family does first look. Sin can be ring bearer and wear cuff links.
Otherwise , yea, too much to have a 12 year old stand in for dad. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

First look with a 12 year old boy is very creepy, even with the best (and definitely misguided) intentions. It’s touching that your sister loves your son so much; that’s truly wonderful! But first look should be reserved for her partner - or for immediate family. Walking her down the aisle is okay (though maybe a bit odd).