Sister Incorporating My Son into Her Wedding

[Anonymous]

My sister is getting married next year. Our dad died six years ago and so she wants my son to (1) walk her down the aisle wearing my dad’s cuff links (2) have her first dance with my son, and (3) (which she told me she told her photographer today and is when I think I started feeling very upset) wants to have her “first look” with my son.

I was a very young mom so my parents, my sister and son and I all lived together. Thus, she was very involved with him, helped tremendously and developed a close relationship with him. We were/are still close but I feel like 3 years ago, as a family, we separated in a since as she moved in with her now fiancé, my son and I moved out together, and my mom moved into an apartment.

AMITH or am I being selfish for feeling sad that she wants to incorporate my son this much? I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make her upset or come across as selfish but I really wanted something to be reserved for just my son and me on my own wedding day. For example, I had always planned on doing a first look with my son regardless if my dad was alive or not because I wanted something special between me and him. I feel like being a teen mom was difficult and while finishing school, law school, passing the bar was also difficult, it was unique and special having my son be a part of the journey and my motivation.

I don’t know if I’m in the wrong it is just such a hard feeling to describe because I love my sister and want her to honor my dad and incorporate my son as she wants and I want her to be happy. But at the same time, I’m sad that she’s involving him so much. My mom doesn’t want me to express how I’m feeling to her because she thinks it will hurt her and her fiancé and she doesn't see where I'm coming from. I don’t plan on saying anything but am I valid for feeling this way?

Also, this truly is not coming from a place of resentment towards my twin sister. I’m going to be the MOH and I’m doing my best to contribute to her wedding financially and plan the bridal shower and bachelorette to the best of my abilities to make her feel special and so that she’s happy. All three seems like crossing a line to me but I really feel sad that if I do a first look with my son, it won't be something that is uniquely just mine and his. Could you let me know if I’m in the wrong for feeling this way 😭

[Anonymous]

This does seem like a bit much and like your son is being used as a stand in. Why doesn't she incorporate your mom more? Mom could walk her down the aisle, the whole family could do a "first look", heck she could do her first dance with you. Having your kid do all that alone is a bit off.

[Anonymous]

Who is the closest male in her life? I think it's all sweet except the First Look. I didn't do one with my dad.

[Anonymous]

You are used goods, it’s going to be awhile before you get married again, if ever. I’d let your kid decide if he wants to do it.

[Anonymous]

What is a First Look?

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

If your son is going to walk her down the aisle then at some point he’s going to have to get a first look at her. Seems you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

1 and 2 are fine. I think 3 is kind of a weird request for a nephew. She should do the first look with your mom.

[Anonymous]

I thought first look was between husband and wife??

How old is your son? I’m picturing a 9
Year old
Giving away his aunt and it’s Wierd

[Anonymous]

OP here. My son is 12 years old. First look is supposed to be a moment between the bride and someone or a few people (e.g., groom, dad, bridesmaids) where there is essentially a reveal of the bride to that individual. They get a first look at the bride before she walks down the aisle. I always thought of it being a special and private moment. She is wanting to do it with just my son.

[Anonymous]

I’ve literally never heard of a first look. What is this? A picture? Walking into the reception? Something else?

I think it is totally bizarre that you think any of this will take away from how you include your son in your wedding someday.

But I also think your sister is a weirdo for doing all this with a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son is 12 years old. First look is supposed to be a moment between the bride and someone or a few people (e.g., groom, dad, bridesmaids) where there is essentially a reveal of the bride to that individual. They get a first look at the bride before she walks down the aisle. I always thought of it being a special and private moment. She is wanting to do it with just my son.

How is he supposed to walk her down the aisle without seeing her first?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think any of it changes or lessens the relationship you have with your son.

I think it’s weird in general though.

[Anonymous]

I think first looks are corny and dumb in general so....I especially think doing one between a 12 year old and his aunt is ridiculous. I think the first dance is sweet. Maybe he and your mom can walk her down.

I have a 12 year old and I just can't picture the first look pics will be as sweet as she thinks they will be. My kid is generally pretty sweet and in touch with his feelings, but I'm pretty sure his reaction in those photos would come across as bored out of his mind.

[Anonymous]

I think it's all weird. Your son isn't your dad. Can't he just be a ringbearer or something similar? Your mom should walk your sister down the aisle. That's more traditional.