“Beta” dad- teen doesn’t respect him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

You didn’t even answer PP’s question. “How” did it help? You just insulted her. I see you, faker.

You are nuts. Enjoy your Mother’s Day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

You didn’t even answer PP’s question. “How” did it help? You just insulted her. I see you, faker.

You are nuts. Enjoy your Mother’s Day!

Again, just insults with you. Are you even a mom?

[Anonymous]

OP is a likely troll or a disordered mom egging on antisocial behavior in kid for her own sick reasons.

When DH divorces you, DS will want to live with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

To begin with people are treated as adults, even my 12 yo. When you have issues or conflicts in the real world you don’t write rules and consequences lists and post them where everyone can see. You treat people with respect, explain your point of view, repeatedly if you have to, manage expectations etc. never had to do more than that.

How is the 15yo functioning at school? Is he calling his teachers “big dope”? Is he running circles around them, ignoring their requests? I bet teachers don’t make stupid rules and consequences lists. He steps out of line he is warned, talked to, disciplinary action, and expelled if he doesn’t get it.

OP failed as a spouse and as a parent, and raised an ungrateful jerk.

Curious if the kid has behavioral issues at school. It may be some underlying undiagnosed condition.

[Anonymous]

My DH is sort of like yours, OP.

First off: the fact that you are referring to DH as a “beta” and the fact that your DS is comfortable coming to you to say such things (knowing you will have sympathy)…isn’t good. So, stop that.

The way I deal with this issue is to just stay out of it. My DH struggles with his parenting as yours does, and I just leave it between him and the kids.

Mine is similar to yours…very permissive and spoiling, until the kids do something he takes issue with. Then he yells and yells, and often threatens wild consequences “you are grounded for a month!” (Over something like a messy room). Then 3 hours later, he forgets about it or tells the kid “ok now that your room is clean, never mind..let’s just try harder next time ok?” To my DH, discipline mostly = a lot of yelling. It doesn’t work (the kids will continue to do said thing, knowing his threats are not serious and are immune to the random yelling at this point) and it is true that teenagers don’t respect it (even if they do otherwise respect the parent). On the other hand, my kids know that if they are asking to go out, etc- it will be a NO if there are any current issues with grades or chores are not done. Nothing emotional about it, and no yelling required. The rule has been the same for many years and they know what to expect.

I’ve tried to talk to my DH about some of this over the years but at this point, just shrug and move on. I’ll enforce his consequences if he sticks to them (he never does). Otherwise I just stay out of it. But I don’t talk badly about DH to my teens nor do I let them do so to me. My DH is a good guy but just really struggles badly with parenting teenagers. I struggled parenting toddlers (while he had all the patience in the world). Sometimes it just is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you married a child and are still hoping he will behave like you tell him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is sort of like yours, OP.

First off: the fact that you are referring to DH as a “beta” and the fact that your DS is comfortable coming to you to say such things (knowing you will have sympathy)…isn’t good. So, stop that.

The way I deal with this issue is to just stay out of it. My DH struggles with his parenting as yours does, and I just leave it between him and the kids.

Mine is similar to yours…very permissive and spoiling, until the kids do something he takes issue with. Then he yells and yells, and often threatens wild consequences “you are grounded for a month!” (Over something like a messy room). Then 3 hours later, he forgets about it or tells the kid “ok now that your room is clean, never mind..let’s just try harder next time ok?” To my DH, discipline mostly = a lot of yelling. It doesn’t work (the kids will continue to do said thing, knowing his threats are not serious and are immune to the random yelling at this point) and it is true that teenagers don’t respect it (even if they do otherwise respect the parent). On the other hand, my kids know that if they are asking to go out, etc- it will be a NO if there are any current issues with grades or chores are not done. Nothing emotional about it, and no yelling required. The rule has been the same for many years and they know what to expect.

I’ve tried to talk to my DH about some of this over the years but at this point, just shrug and move on. I’ll enforce his consequences if he sticks to them (he never does). Otherwise I just stay out of it. But I don’t talk badly about DH to my teens nor do I let them do so to me. My DH is a good guy but just really struggles badly with parenting teenagers. I struggled parenting toddlers (while he had all the patience in the world). Sometimes it just is what it is.

This is good solid advice. Step in if the other parent is not doing a good job disciplining, it’s not like you can wash your hands, it’s your kid too after all. Not everyone is supposed to contribute equal amounts in all areas in a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you married a child and are still hoping he will behave like you tell him

Listen, to the women complaining about their husbands being “beta”.

Your husband is the best you could do back in the day given what you had in looks, personality, social circle etc. Now that you decided to bring another human in this world, it’s going to be so much harder to do better. Not only that, but your first priority is your child and at least you’ve got a spouse that loves them and would do anything for them. So instead of whining and trying to make the DH look bad in front if the kids, do your best to work together to raise well adjusted children. What you’re doing is not helping which is apparent from the poor behavior of the teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a likely troll or a disordered mom egging on antisocial behavior in kid for her own sick reasons.

When DH divorces you, DS will want to live with him.

NP.



I can relate to what OP is describing.

To the PP: did it ever occur to you that you’re living in a bubble of make-believe?

You can disagree with the whole “alpha-male / beta male” phenomenon in American culture in 2025.

But you cannot simply wish-it out of existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a likely troll or a disordered mom egging on antisocial behavior in kid for her own sick reasons.

When DH divorces you, DS will want to live with him.

NP.



I can relate to what OP is describing.

To the PP: did it ever occur to you that you’re living in a bubble of make-believe?

You can disagree with the whole “alpha-male / beta male” phenomenon in American culture in 2025.

But you cannot simply wish-it out of existence.

Sure, but maybe woman is also low value (in 2025 parlance) and not worthy of being mounted by an alpha male, or he wouldn’t stick around to raise the kid. For what is worth the beta male will be more involved as a father, and likely a better outcome for her anyways.

The delusional middle aged woman thinks she can pull in a top dog, with a misbehaved teen brat in tow, fading looks, way out of shape, sagging everything, and a few dress sizes too big. It’s certain she’ll do much worse than the current beta husband.

Given the delusion and drama surrounding these women and how they’ll conclude the children are baggage preventing them from scoring the alpha type (lol, how cringe), I could see how the kids would prefer to live with the dad.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like you came here for advice on disciplining the kid when you actually need marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

To begin with people are treated as adults, even my 12 yo. When you have issues or conflicts in the real world you don’t write rules and consequences lists and post them where everyone can see. You treat people with respect, explain your point of view, repeatedly if you have to, manage expectations etc. never had to do more than that.

How is the 15yo functioning at school? Is he calling his teachers “big dope”? Is he running circles around them, ignoring their requests? I bet teachers don’t make stupid rules and consequences lists. He steps out of line he is warned, talked to, disciplinary action, and expelled if he doesn’t get it.

OP failed as a spouse and as a parent, and raised an ungrateful jerk.

Curious if the kid has behavioral issues at school. It may be some underlying undiagnosed condition.

Where is Terminally Online Trashy Mom (TOTM) in the DSM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

To begin with people are treated as adults, even my 12 yo. When you have issues or conflicts in the real world you don’t write rules and consequences lists and post them where everyone can see. You treat people with respect, explain your point of view, repeatedly if you have to, manage expectations etc. never had to do more than that.

How is the 15yo functioning at school? Is he calling his teachers “big dope”? Is he running circles around them, ignoring their requests? I bet teachers don’t make stupid rules and consequences lists. He steps out of line he is warned, talked to, disciplinary action, and expelled if he doesn’t get it.

OP failed as a spouse and as a parent, and raised an ungrateful jerk.

Curious if the kid has behavioral issues at school. It may be some underlying undiagnosed condition.

Where is Terminally Online Trashy Mom (TOTM) in the DSM?

That’s the OP, they haven’t updated the DSM yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a likely troll or a disordered mom egging on antisocial behavior in kid for her own sick reasons.

When DH divorces you, DS will want to live with him.

NP.



I can relate to what OP is describing.

To the PP: did it ever occur to you that you’re living in a bubble of make-believe?

You can disagree with the whole “alpha-male / beta male” phenomenon in American culture in 2025.

But you cannot simply wish-it out of existence.

Sure, but maybe woman is also low value (in 2025 parlance) and not worthy of being mounted by an alpha male, or he wouldn’t stick around to raise the kid. For what is worth the beta male will be more involved as a father, and likely a better outcome for her anyways.

The delusional middle aged woman thinks she can pull in a top dog, with a misbehaved teen brat in tow, fading looks, way out of shape, sagging everything, and a few dress sizes too big. It’s certain she’ll do much worse than the current beta husband.

Given the delusion and drama surrounding these women and how they’ll conclude the children are baggage preventing them from scoring the alpha type (lol, how cringe), I could see how the kids would prefer to live with the dad.

I get it’s mid life crisis but these women think they are entitled to men making $500k a year, over 6ft tall, not too old, in shape, well spoken, well travelled, with a pleasant personality, and not too assertive towards them because they are also strong women, and also single, available and willing to pursue them. Literally there’s less than a thousand of a percent that fits the profile.

Meanwhile they are absolutely average, not that there’s something wrong with it. They’ll have average looks for their age (40s to 50s), average body for the age, that’s often 20-30 extra ponds, not the brightest career etc. and she comes in a package with a disrespectful teen that has an attitude but needs money for college.

The alpha male will have 20-30 somethings with amazing looks and bodies throwing themselves at them, who will do what they’re told, and have no baggage from previous marriage to deals with, and will happily cater to his every whim. Not that’s a recipe for a happy marriage but that’s the reality.

Shaking my head.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he's a beta, more like he can't be bothered to argue. If he was a real beta, he wouldn't blow up when the kids become disrespectful.

Having stated that, parenting this way is not good, because the kid will push and push until your DH blows up.

The second part of your DS not respecting your DH is also an issue. I agree with a PP, no matter how much DH and I disagree on parenting style, we have each other's backs in terms of our children respecting us. That should be ingrained from the start.

You should talk to both your DS and DH about this - DH about his parenting style, and your DS about his lack of respect for his father.