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[quote=Anonymous]My DH is sort of like yours, OP.

First off: the fact that you are referring to DH as a “beta” and the fact that your DS is comfortable coming to you to say such things (knowing you will have sympathy)…isn’t good. So, stop that.

The way I deal with this issue is to just stay out of it. My DH struggles with his parenting as yours does, and I just leave it between him and the kids.

Mine is similar to yours…very permissive and spoiling, until the kids do something he takes issue with. Then he yells and yells, and often threatens wild consequences “you are grounded for a month!” (Over something like a messy room). Then 3 hours later, he forgets about it or tells the kid “ok now that your room is clean, never mind..let’s just try harder next time ok?”  To my DH, discipline mostly  = a lot of yelling. It doesn’t work (the kids will continue to do said thing, knowing his threats are not serious and are immune to the random yelling at this point) and it is true that teenagers don’t respect it (even if they do otherwise respect the parent). On the other hand, my kids know that if they are asking to go out,  etc- it will be a NO if there are any current issues with grades or chores are not done. Nothing emotional about it, and no yelling required. The rule has been the same for many years and they know what to expect.

I’ve tried to talk to my DH about some of this over the years but at this point, just shrug and move on. I’ll enforce his consequences if he sticks to them (he never does). Otherwise I just stay out of it. But I don’t talk badly about DH to my teens nor do I let them do so to me. My DH is a good guy but just really struggles badly with parenting teenagers. I struggled parenting toddlers (while he had all the patience in the world). Sometimes it just is what it is. [/quote]

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