“Beta” dad- teen doesn’t respect him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is a family of teenagers. Do you have any? No, mom should not sit and unilaterally make a list of basic rules and consequences and hand it to the family. And you think that will make it easier to enforce. That has to be a joke, right?

Yes! I have a 15 year old son. And I didn’t say the mom has to make all of the rules but it also does not sound like her husband wants to. Regardless of who makes them, come up with a list for the things that are the biggest issues, and enforce. Easy on dad and kid knows what lines he can’t cross without consequence.

I see very few solutions here, just a bunch of moms not supporting each other.

[Anonymous]

This is PP…I would ask what you suggest other than putting this on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is a family of teenagers. Do you have any? No, mom should not sit and unilaterally make a list of basic rules and consequences and hand it to the family. And you think that will make it easier to enforce. That has to be a joke, right?

Yes! I have a 15 year old son. And I didn’t say the mom has to make all of the rules but it also does not sound like her husband wants to. Regardless of who makes them, come up with a list for the things that are the biggest issues, and enforce. Easy on dad and kid knows what lines he can’t cross without consequence.

I see very few solutions here, just a bunch of moms not supporting each other.

OP is sockpuppeting this morning, I see.
It sounds to me like this kid already knows what lines he can’t cross. He just doesn’t give an F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is PP…I would ask what you suggest other than putting this on OP.

OP cannot make others do the work. She can only change herself. She came here asking about disrespect. We are answering her question about disrespect. Contempt and disrespect are much more corrosive than too much screen time, snacks, and fancy shirt.

[Anonymous]

It’s some kind of creepy blurring of boundaries like the kid and her against weak DH. Kid is trying for her approval, he obv doesn’t want stricter parenting as a teen, but what is in it for OP? OP is a likely troll or dope herself.

Wanting fake intimacy with your teen son not DH is really gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is PP…I would ask what you suggest other than putting this on OP.

How about this advice. Respect your husband’s parenting even if it’s not 100% how you would do it. When the kid comes to you complaining that his dad is a big dope, you tell him dead serious he can call him that. The teen doesn’t take the trash out, and is arguing with the father, you step in and ask him firmly to do what dad asked. Let your husband handle the stupid shirt if he did the ordering. If you don’t trust him with shopping for clothing (some men are just not good at this) do it yourself, or even better, have your teen buy his own shirt, he’s 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is PP…I would ask what you suggest other than putting this on OP.

How about this advice. Respect your husband’s parenting even if it’s not 100% how you would do it. When the kid comes to you complaining that his dad is a big dope, you tell him dead serious he can call him that. The teen doesn’t take the trash out, and is arguing with the father, you step in and ask him firmly to do what dad asked. Let your husband handle the stupid shirt if he did the ordering. If you don’t trust him with shopping for clothing (some men are just not good at this) do it yourself, or even better, have your teen buy his own shirt, he’s 15.

*can’t call him that

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a child problem, not a parent problem. Your son is an a--hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ DH pretty much gives the kids want they want, does what they want but eventually if he feels they’re disrespectful he loses it.”

It sounds like one day your son is going to FAFO, and that sounds like it will be for the best. You call it “beta,” but as an adult, your son might refer to it as “a well of undeserved patience.”

Unless your DH is asking for guidance or is mistreating your son, I would back off and let them find their own way.

What do you mean gives them what they want? Is he not parenting with appropriate boundaries and lets you handle that part?

I pretty much handle all the boundaries. Screen time, healthy food, homework time, etc. I hold the line on everything. For example on days when I’m not home, like a Saturday where I’m out at errands, the kids eat take out and sit on their screens for 8 hours. DH loves them & would happily play with them or take them somewhere but they want screens so he just shrugs his shoulders and lets them.
DH will get them off if I tell him to, but otherwise he’s just checked out since they’re happy. I get upset because I explain to him that we’re the parents and have to ensure they’re living in a healthy way, even if it’s not fun for us, but he just can’t seem to enforce anything. It’s not that he’s lazy or checked out! It’s truly that he wants to make them happy! It’s so frustrating.

DS has seen these convos play out, which is a mistake on my part, so that’s probably partially why he doesn’t respect DH. DS knows I don’t respect DH’s parenting.

OOOOOOOH, so actually this is a YOU problem. Maybe get yourself some marital counseling and keep your child out of your fights with your husband, OP. You are being a real dick to your husband here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is a family of teenagers. Do you have any? No, mom should not sit and unilaterally make a list of basic rules and consequences and hand it to the family. And you think that will make it easier to enforce. That has to be a joke, right?

Yes! I have a 15 year old son. And I didn’t say the mom has to make all of the rules but it also does not sound like her husband wants to. Regardless of who makes them, come up with a list for the things that are the biggest issues, and enforce. Easy on dad and kid knows what lines he can’t cross without consequence.

I see very few solutions here, just a bunch of moms not supporting each other.

“moms not supporting each other” . That’s what you think the problem is?

Seriously??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

There is zero percent chance that you wrote down the house rules when your kid was 15 and it helped. Maybe you did that when the kid was 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

You didn’t even answer PP’s question. “How” did it help? You just insulted her. I see you, faker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is hilarious! Please, how did that help in your house?

Yes. It did. How does your perfect (minus the sucky mom) household run?

To begin with people are treated as adults, even my 12 yo. When you have issues or conflicts in the real world you don’t write rules and consequences lists and post them where everyone can see. You treat people with respect, explain your point of view, repeatedly if you have to, manage expectations etc. never had to do more than that.

How is the 15yo functioning at school? Is he calling his teachers “big dope”? Is he running circles around them, ignoring their requests? I bet teachers don’t make stupid rules and consequences lists. He steps out of line he is warned, talked to, disciplinary action, and expelled if he doesn’t get it.

OP failed as a spouse and as a parent, and raised an ungrateful jerk.