“Beta” dad- teen doesn’t respect him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your kids don't even get an occasional Saturday just to chill out?

Our kids have Sat to chill, but they can't be on screens for 8 hours..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to break it to you, but “alpha males” are not known for their parenting skills. They are usually workaholics who don’t know what grade their child is in and spend their little free time on the golf course. In fact most fathers don’t enforce most mothers’ rules about food and screen time. You don’t need to bring his masculinity into it. Just set your house rules together and be a little flexible about the fact that often parents have different styles.

Your child not respecting his father is the bigger problem.

NP. But in this case, the beta male isn’t parenting either.

Parenting is a team effort not a series of 1:1 parent child interaction. She can enforce boundaries when the child is disrespecting his father, which btw doesn’t seem to bother OP much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the son sounds entitled but I am surprised at the number of people defending the DH. At a minimum his behavior sounds so unattractive.

OP sounds so delusional that it’s difficult for me to understand or believe her. Also I don’t think one parent gets to unilaterally set rules that the other parent is expected to enforce. Also the kids are teenagers, I expect much more self management from mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree the son sounds entitled but I am surprised at the number of people defending the DH. At a minimum his behavior sounds so unattractive.

The thread is not about how attractive the husband is. It’s about the child overstepping boundaries and OP not supporting her spouse’s parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ DH pretty much gives the kids want they want, does what they want but eventually if he feels they’re disrespectful he loses it.”

It sounds like one day your son is going to FAFO, and that sounds like it will be for the best. You call it “beta,” but as an adult, your son might refer to it as “a well of undeserved patience.”

Unless your DH is asking for guidance or is mistreating your son, I would back off and let them find their own way.

What do you mean gives them what they want? Is he not parenting with appropriate boundaries and lets you handle that part?

I pretty much handle all the boundaries. Screen time, healthy food, homework time, etc. I hold the line on everything. For example on days when I’m not home, like a Saturday where I’m out at errands, the kids eat take out and sit on their screens for 8 hours. DH loves them & would happily play with them or take them somewhere but they want screens so he just shrugs his shoulders and lets them.
DH will get them off if I tell him to, but otherwise he’s just checked out since they’re happy. I get upset because I explain to him that we’re the parents and have to ensure they’re living in a healthy way, even if it’s not fun for us, but he just can’t seem to enforce anything. It’s not that he’s lazy or checked out! It’s truly that he wants to make them happy! It’s so frustrating.

DS has seen these convos play out, which is a mistake on my part, so that’s probably partially why he doesn’t respect DH. DS knows I don’t respect DH’s parenting.

So you are the problem.

Did we read the same thing? She is not the problem...

Yes, we read the same thing, and of course she’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fundamentally this is a problem of DH being a grown adult. You complaining about it is by definition not going to help or solve the problem

She is asking for solutions. She already knows that just complaining doesn't solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fundamentally this is a problem of DH being a grown adult. You complaining about it is by definition not going to help or solve the problem

She is asking for solutions. She already knows that just complaining doesn't solve the problem.

The solution is for the stop being so contemptuous of her husband, particularly in front of their son. And when her son calls his father a dope, to shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fundamentally this is a problem of DH being a grown adult. You complaining about it is by definition not going to help or solve the problem

She is asking for solutions. She already knows that just complaining doesn't solve the problem.

The solution is for the stop being so contemptuous of her husband, particularly in front of their son. And when her son calls his father a dope, to shut it down.

This.

[Anonymous]

I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“ DH pretty much gives the kids want they want, does what they want but eventually if he feels they’re disrespectful he loses it.”

It sounds like one day your son is going to FAFO, and that sounds like it will be for the best. You call it “beta,” but as an adult, your son might refer to it as “a well of undeserved patience.”

Unless your DH is asking for guidance or is mistreating your son, I would back off and let them find their own way.

What do you mean gives them what they want? Is he not parenting with appropriate boundaries and lets you handle that part?

I pretty much handle all the boundaries. Screen time, healthy food, homework time, etc. I hold the line on everything. For example on days when I’m not home, like a Saturday where I’m out at errands, the kids eat take out and sit on their screens for 8 hours. DH loves them & would happily play with them or take them somewhere but they want screens so he just shrugs his shoulders and lets them.
DH will get them off if I tell him to, but otherwise he’s just checked out since they’re happy. I get upset because I explain to him that we’re the parents and have to ensure they’re living in a healthy way, even if it’s not fun for us, but he just can’t seem to enforce anything. It’s not that he’s lazy or checked out! It’s truly that he wants to make them happy! It’s so frustrating.

DS has seen these convos play out, which is a mistake on my part, so that’s probably partially why he doesn’t respect DH. DS knows I don’t respect DH’s parenting.

I suspect this is true of OP. Contempt is a marriage killer, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

I’m not convinced. She sounds like someone who wants to control all things. Her shirt example was dumb. I am the mother of daughters and we have plenty of money. I cannot imagine what it would look like if I decided to get my daughter, say, a more expensive homecoming dress than the one originally picked out, fyou know, something she’d wear once), and my husband started weighing in that my approach was wrong . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fundamentally this is a problem of DH being a grown adult. You complaining about it is by definition not going to help or solve the problem

She is asking for solutions. She already knows that just complaining doesn't solve the problem.

The solution is for the stop being so contemptuous of her husband, particularly in front of their son. And when her son calls his father a dope, to shut it down.

Exactly!

OP, you have some sick dynamic that you are driving in your home. What kind of household did u grow up in? I hope you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is exhausted and needs her husband to help! He is neither enforcing or making any house rules. Instead he is just taking the easy way out and leaving it all up her. Everything can’t fall on mom, and come on, none of us truly know the parent our husband will turn out to be.

OP, I hope you have a great Mother’s Day! Your kid is not a jerk. He’s a teen and finding his way.

My advice would be to write down a list of basic rules and consequences that the entire family is aware of. Then when needed your husband can easily point to them and enforce and your son will know what to expect. This has helped on my house.

This is a family of teenagers. Do you have any? No, mom should not sit and unilaterally make a list of basic rules and consequences and hand it to the family. And you think that will make it easier to enforce. That has to be a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to break it to you, but “alpha males” are not known for their parenting skills. They are usually workaholics who don’t know what grade their child is in and spend their little free time on the golf course. In fact most fathers don’t enforce most mothers’ rules about food and screen time. You don’t need to bring his masculinity into it. Just set your house rules together and be a little flexible about the fact that often parents have different styles.

Your child not respecting his father is the bigger problem.

NP. But in this case, the beta male isn’t parenting either.

Parenting is a team effort not a series of 1:1 parent child interaction. She can enforce boundaries when the child is disrespecting his father, which btw doesn’t seem to bother OP much.

She seems to like it, which is creepy and sick. Way to suck as a spouse and parent, OP!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the op is rigid and sets ridiculous boundaries that she herself can't even enforce. Your son is a teen and eventually with his attitude he won't respect you either. Your husband may be beta but you procreated with him. If he doesn't care about silly rules so be it. You sound like a dope fornhaving kids with him.

What you shouldn't do is show contempt for your husband and his parenting style in front of your kids or agree with your son. Your son came to you with that statement because that's how you feel. It's a reflection of your personality. Experience and interaction in the real world will likely reset your son since you say he's so smart but you need self reflection.