Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 31 weeks into a pretty hard pregnancy. I've had multiple issues and decided I want to quit my job. My husband isn't fully on board with this idea. Will I be wrong if I quit without his full support?

Not a good move, you two need to discuss it again and try to make a joint decision.

[Anonymous]

You two are going to have bigger hurdles to overcome together once you are parents so use this as a practice exercise.

[Anonymous]

OP, my baby came 5 weeks early. We rushed to the hospital in a snow storm and had nothing (literally nothing, my shower was supposed to be 2 days later).

It was fine! We ordered essentials off amazon, set up a nursery in a few hours. It was actually awesome because when people came to see me/baby I could send them upstairs to assemble furniture or move stuff.

Don’t quit. Ask your boss if you can do telehealth visits, work half days, take an extra long lunch to nap mid day. I am a teacher (so zero paid maternity leave, on my feet all day) so I totally get it. It sucks. But once baby is here you will want every minute of leave. I was able to swap cafeteria duty during lunch for front desk duty after school. Bought me 20 minutes mid day to sit and the front desk was more sitting. If your boss likes you and is decent, they’ll find a way to make it work.

If you quit now, you get nothing, and you get a pissed off husband. Take 2-3 days and get a massage, see a chiro who specializes in pregnancy/sciatica, and then suck it up and finish off your last 2 months.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

OP - you are a drama queen. Not seeking medical help for your back, doing needless stuff for nursery at friend's advice, not consulting with husband, not hiring more household help as you want to be on top of everything....

Try to think before you make next moves. Right now you have issues with logical reasoning. Better to take maternity leave earlier and loose some money, than quitting it completely from a dry financial standpoint

You together are also making over $0.5m and are perfectly able to hire more help at home

[Anonymous]

I think 21:06 summarized the situation nicely, although an NP who doesn't trust doctors seems like it deserves a mention, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

OP - you are a drama queen. Not seeking medical help for your back, doing needless stuff for nursery at friend's advice, not consulting with husband, not hiring more household help as you want to be on top of everything....

Try to think before you make next moves. Right now you have issues with logical reasoning. Better to take maternity leave earlier and loose some money, than quitting it completely from a dry financial standpoint

You together are also making over $0.5m and are perfectly able to hire more help at home

I never said I didn’t seek medical care. Not sure why you’re lying about that. I sought medical help but there isn’t much to do when you’re pregnant but heat/cold therapy and Tylenol.

I said I wouldn’t take medicine like anti-inflammatories from a spine doctor op told me to go to. There are risks taking steroids like hypertension and excess weight gain. That’s not worth it for me.

I’m not doing needless stuff for the nursery. All I’m doing is setting up a postpartum basket to keep in my bathroom.

I did consult with my husband

We don’t need help. We can’t afford a chef and we already outsource major cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 21:06 summarized the situation nicely, although an NP who doesn't trust doctors seems like it deserves a mention, too.

I didn’t say I don’t trust all doctors. I said I wouldn’t trust a random doctor while pregnant. My OBGYN and I made the choice to not take steroids because of the increased side effects like weight gain and hypertension. While risks are low for lower doses, they aren’t 100% risk averse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 21:06 summarized the situation nicely, although an NP who doesn't trust doctors seems like it deserves a mention, too.

I didn’t say I don’t trust all doctors. I said I wouldn’t trust a random doctor while pregnant. My OBGYN and I made the choice to not take steroids because of the increased side effects like weight gain and hypertension. While risks are low for lower doses, they aren’t 100% risk averse.

Just say you refused steroids because you're afraid to get fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

OP - you are a drama queen. Not seeking medical help for your back, doing needless stuff for nursery at friend's advice, not consulting with husband, not hiring more household help as you want to be on top of everything....

Try to think before you make next moves. Right now you have issues with logical reasoning. Better to take maternity leave earlier and loose some money, than quitting it completely from a dry financial standpoint

You together are also making over $0.5m and are perfectly able to hire more help at home

I never said I didn’t seek medical care. Not sure why you’re lying about that. I sought medical help but there isn’t much to do when you’re pregnant but heat/cold therapy and Tylenol.

I said I wouldn’t take medicine like anti-inflammatories from a spine doctor op told me to go to. There are risks taking steroids like hypertension and excess weight gain. That’s not worth it for me.

I’m not doing needless stuff for the nursery. All I’m doing is setting up a postpartum basket to keep in my bathroom.

I did consult with my husband

We don’t need help. We can’t afford a chef and we already outsource major cleaning.

Actually, the epidural steroid injection does not have weight gain as side effect. At all. Are you already overweight? Try stretching, yoga, not overeating, massage

A basket setup doesn't require quitting your job.

You said earlier your husband is not helping enough so you had to quit job. Now it appears that there is not much to do at all around the household.

Why exactly do you need to quit, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

I made a small one. It was great! You won’t know what you personally need until baby is here though so just get the cart and organize later.

[Anonymous]

FWIW I had a very physical job and got knocked out by significant sciatica around 33 weeks. It took over 2 weeks of rest and rehab to mellow out and we determined it was best to not to return to work until after baby arrived. I did get super bored the last two weeks but was grateful for time and not reactivating that pain. I was unable to walk - literally crawled around the house the first week of rest. It was a tough choice as I’m self employed and had only saved enough for 3 months postpartum. Still think it was the right choice.

Is there any alternative consulting role you can fill ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 21:06 summarized the situation nicely, although an NP who doesn't trust doctors seems like it deserves a mention, too.

I didn’t say I don’t trust all doctors. I said I wouldn’t trust a random doctor while pregnant. My OBGYN and I made the choice to not take steroids because of the increased side effects like weight gain and hypertension. While risks are low for lower doses, they aren’t 100% risk averse.

Just say you refused steroids because you're afraid to get fat.

What? That’s absurd. I chose not to take steroids because my obgyn said there is risk for excess weight and hypertension. Adding extra weight on top of pregnancy weight isn’t super safe for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

OP - you are a drama queen. Not seeking medical help for your back, doing needless stuff for nursery at friend's advice, not consulting with husband, not hiring more household help as you want to be on top of everything....

Try to think before you make next moves. Right now you have issues with logical reasoning. Better to take maternity leave earlier and loose some money, than quitting it completely from a dry financial standpoint

You together are also making over $0.5m and are perfectly able to hire more help at home

I never said I didn’t seek medical care. Not sure why you’re lying about that. I sought medical help but there isn’t much to do when you’re pregnant but heat/cold therapy and Tylenol.

I said I wouldn’t take medicine like anti-inflammatories from a spine doctor op told me to go to. There are risks taking steroids like hypertension and excess weight gain. That’s not worth it for me.

I’m not doing needless stuff for the nursery. All I’m doing is setting up a postpartum basket to keep in my bathroom.

I did consult with my husband

We don’t need help. We can’t afford a chef and we already outsource major cleaning.

Actually, the epidural steroid injection does not have weight gain as side effect. At all. Are you already overweight? Try stretching, yoga, not overeating, massage

A basket setup doesn't require quitting your job.

You said earlier your husband is not helping enough so you had to quit job. Now it appears that there is not much to do at all around the household.

Why exactly do you need to quit, then?

I wasn’t talking about stood injection shots. I was referencing steroids like prednisone.

I’m not overweight. I started at a normal and have gained 24lbs so far. I’m much more concerned with the hypertension risk.


I never said I had to quit my job because my husband wasn’t helping. I said I wanted to quit my job because of the pain and being on my feet all day. I said I would be able to do things around the house to fill the time between now and when the baby will come.

I said I wanted to quit because of the pain and being on my feet all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW I had a very physical job and got knocked out by significant sciatica around 33 weeks. It took over 2 weeks of rest and rehab to mellow out and we determined it was best to not to return to work until after baby arrived. I did get super bored the last two weeks but was grateful for time and not reactivating that pain. I was unable to walk - literally crawled around the house the first week of rest. It was a tough choice as I’m self employed and had only saved enough for 3 months postpartum. Still think it was the right choice.

Is there any alternative consulting role you can fill ?

No.

I’m so sorry to hear about this. It sounds similar to mine but not the crawling. I remember crying during breaks because the pain was relentless. It shoots all the way down to your foot. A searing burning pain that doesn’t quit. Then add a large belly and it’s really hard on my petite ( 5’1”) frame.

My husband and I talked and I’m going to take maternity leave early if I can get disability or fmla. I will quit after that and get a part time job once I’m ready to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

OP - you are a drama queen. Not seeking medical help for your back, doing needless stuff for nursery at friend's advice, not consulting with husband, not hiring more household help as you want to be on top of everything....

Try to think before you make next moves. Right now you have issues with logical reasoning. Better to take maternity leave earlier and loose some money, than quitting it completely from a dry financial standpoint

You together are also making over $0.5m and are perfectly able to hire more help at home

I never said I didn’t seek medical care. Not sure why you’re lying about that. I sought medical help but there isn’t much to do when you’re pregnant but heat/cold therapy and Tylenol.

I said I wouldn’t take medicine like anti-inflammatories from a spine doctor op told me to go to. There are risks taking steroids like hypertension and excess weight gain. That’s not worth it for me.

I’m not doing needless stuff for the nursery. All I’m doing is setting up a postpartum basket to keep in my bathroom.

I did consult with my husband

We don’t need help. We can’t afford a chef and we already outsource major cleaning.

Actually, the epidural steroid injection does not have weight gain as side effect. At all. Are you already overweight? Try stretching, yoga, not overeating, massage

A basket setup doesn't require quitting your job.

You said earlier your husband is not helping enough so you had to quit job. Now it appears that there is not much to do at all around the household.

Why exactly do you need to quit, then?

I’m probably being too cautious but it’s what works for me. I don’t want to take any medicine. I know a woman who took steroids for a back injury that flared up and her baby stopped growing at 28 weeks. He ended up fine but he was born very small.