Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

If you have a disability issue now due to a back injury, you can certainly take disability now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

My employer told me I can only take disability two weeks before the baby.

I don’t want to take to buy things for the baby. We had a shower and I need to unbox and get things ready. We haven’t done anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

There is no room for secret feelings in a healthy relationship. You need to have an open conversation with your spouse. Pick a several-hour time period when you won’t be interrupted and lay it all out on the table. Brainstorm options and pros/cons. That is how my spouse and I make major decisions.

Putting the pain issue aside, is perfectly fine to want an easier/less-stressful lifestyle as a SAHM. You are lucky in that you have savings, and your profession allows you to return easily. But you need to convince your spouse to be on board. He may resent you forever if you act unilaterally.

[Anonymous]

What are your incomes? How much do you have saved? How much do you contribute? Will you be sitting around all day or being active in the household?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

There is no room for secret feelings in a healthy relationship. You need to have an open conversation with your spouse. Pick a several-hour time period when you won’t be interrupted and lay it all out on the table. Brainstorm options and pros/cons. That is how my spouse and I make major decisions.

Putting the pain issue aside, is perfectly fine to want an easier/less-stressful lifestyle as a SAHM. You are lucky in that you have savings, and your profession allows you to return easily. But you need to convince your spouse to be on board. He may resent you forever if you act unilaterally.

He said it as a joke but I wonder if he means it. We have great communication and share everything. He told me he is worried I will regret quitting and want to go back to work right away and put even more stress on myself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how much you have saved, but one bad delivery and long hospital stay can eat that up. We had saved 3+ months of money, bought a house we could afford, and had ALL other debt completely paid off when I got pregnant. I started having pregnancy problems and the medical bills ate everything we had.
I wouldn’t quit and loose that paid maternity leave. Also, if your husband isn’t helping before the baby and he dumps it all on you after, you might be glad you kept that job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your incomes? How much do you have saved? How much do you contribute? Will you be sitting around all day or being active in the household?

Him: $340k
Me: $175k

Savings: $543k. This isn’t including retirement, investments, and remained fund.

We save my salary. I don’t contribute financially each month but I cook and maintain our home. He does what he can but I take on the bulk.

I already maintain the home and don’t have any plans to quit or slow down. I will still cook and clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a good relationship with your spouse is more important than an Insta-worthy nursery. Babies need so little and it’s easy to get recs from new moms or online forums and buy everything on Amazon.

But yes, if you are physically unable to do your job and can’t get accommodations, that is a valid reason for quitting. Surprised your DH isn’t on board, especially if you can quickly get another job. What are his concerns?

I don’t care about an insta-worthy nursery. Neither of us care about social media at all. We have bought nothing and haven’t done one thing to prepare for this baby. We need to get on it because we have only 2 months left. We just had my baby shower and we need start organizing it all.

I’m in near constant pain and it’s hard to do my job.

He doesn’t have any valid concerns other than worrying I will regret quitting my job and become bored. I think he secretly is concerned I will never want to work again. We have ample means thanks to our saving and socking away my salary.

There is no room for secret feelings in a healthy relationship. You need to have an open conversation with your spouse. Pick a several-hour time period when you won’t be interrupted and lay it all out on the table. Brainstorm options and pros/cons. That is how my spouse and I make major decisions.

Putting the pain issue aside, is perfectly fine to want an easier/less-stressful lifestyle as a SAHM. You are lucky in that you have savings, and your profession allows you to return easily. But you need to convince your spouse to be on board. He may resent you forever if you act unilaterally.

He said it as a joke but I wonder if he means it. We have great communication and share everything. He told me he is worried I will regret quitting and want to go back to work right away and put even more stress on myself.

Respectfully, this comment as well as the fact that you are crowdsourcing whether or not to quit behind your husband’s back demonstrates that you do NOT have great communication. You are in for a whole lotta pain in the future if you don’t fix that.

[Anonymous]

Would you still be eligible for leave if you quit now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know how much you have saved, but one bad delivery and long hospital stay can eat that up. We had saved 3+ months of money, bought a house we could afford, and had ALL other debt completely paid off when I got pregnant. I started having pregnancy problems and the medical bills ate everything we had.
I wouldn’t quit and loose that paid maternity leave. Also, if your husband isn’t helping before the baby and he dumps it all on you after, you might be glad you kept that job.

The other option is to go to part time to keep my insurance.

He will help setup big items but will leave the organizing to me because I’m much better at that stuff. I don’t think most husbands care about organizing postpartum stuff or baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you still be eligible for leave if you quit now?

No.

[Anonymous]

If you truly cannot work then your doctor can write a note for disability leave. You don’t need time off to prepare for the baby..that’s one weekend. I’d be super pissed if the plan with my partner was that they’d continue to work and they just up and quit.