Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. It would be a colossal betrayal of trust. How would you feel if your husband came home one day and told you that he had up and quit his job, without consulting you?

NP I would support him and assume he had a very good reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 31 weeks into a pretty hard pregnancy. I've had multiple issues and decided I want to quit my job. My husband isn't fully on board with this idea. Will I be wrong if I quit without his full support?

Multiple issues... with the pregnancy? Quit. With your boss being a jerk? Deal with it (you'll be on maternity leave soon enough anyway).

But yeah, if you quit without at least letting your spouse know why and try to help you handle the underlying issue(s), you're the jerk.

That's a bit harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

It means “financial independence, retire early”, and is a dumb trend amount milllenial/GenZ docs and other professionals who want to work for about a decade and then “travel”. This usually lasts until they have their first kid or buy a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

He’s not a physician or a pyromaniac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

This. Do you not have sick leave / vacation leave / disability etc that you could look into using first?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your incomes? How much do you have saved? How much do you contribute? Will you be sitting around all day or being active in the household?

Him: $340k
Me: $175k

Savings: $543k. This isn’t including retirement, investments, and remained fund.

We save my salary. I don’t contribute financially each month but I cook and maintain our home. He does what he can but I take on the bulk.

I already maintain the home and don’t have any plans to quit or slow down. I will still cook and clean.

What do you do with your salary, then?

I’ve already said we sock away all of my salary. I max out my retirement accounts and save the rest. Thats how we have so much in savings.

[Anonymous]

[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not as you have some paid maternity leave so why leave money on the table. But, I would ask Dr for proof that you need medical leave now and see if you can begin that.

Even if like you said, it eats your maternity leave, who cares, as if you quit you won’t have it anyway.

I know exactly how you feel as I had debilitating sciatica pain with pregnancy#1 and did quit right about 31 weeks! The difference is that we knew I was going to sah so it was just moved up by 8 weeks. We still talked about it but my dh could also see how much pain I was in.

Thinking back, for me, it was my long-commute to my professional job. I did try and temp for a bit just to stay busy. I had maybe 2-3 assignments and then couldn’t even do that.

When dc was about 18 mos, I knew I wanted to go back to my field and was extremely lucky that my network was such I could do. Worked part time for many, many years ( and took another 18 mos with our 2nd dc.)

Your post brought up memories- not sure if I helped you! Wishing you well.

DH just randomly told me that he is okay if I want to quit. He thought about it and he will support whatever decision want to do.

Sure he did op . I got to say I'm impressed with you're commitment to make up allthese scenarios that just magically get resolved

I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

It means “financial independence, retire early”, and is a dumb trend amount milllenial/GenZ docs and other professionals who want to work for about a decade and then “travel”. This usually lasts until they have their first kid or buy a house.

Oh. I’m a millennial but pretty out of the loop. I don’t follow social media trends. I’m too grown at 33 for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your parental leave policy? Would you like your job more if it was part time or different in some other way?

Having more info about your job and situation would help before we weigh in.

I get 12 weeks but will be extending to 16 weeks with my paid time off and vacation.

I like my job but this pregnancy has been very taxing on my body. The extra weight and big belly make it hard to be on my feet for long periods of time.

I do work in a field where I’m confident I will find a job when I’m ready to go back to work. I would like to quit and go back at 4-6 months when I feel ready.

Take your maternity leave leave and then quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your parental leave policy? Would you like your job more if it was part time or different in some other way?

Having more info about your job and situation would help before we weigh in.

I get 12 weeks but will be extending to 16 weeks with my paid time off and vacation.

I like my job but this pregnancy has been very taxing on my body. The extra weight and big belly make it hard to be on my feet for long periods of time.

I do work in a field where I’m confident I will find a job when I’m ready to go back to work. I would like to quit and go back at 4-6 months when I feel ready.

Take your maternity leave leave and then quit.

Why do that when op said she wants to go back to work and has no plans to be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

So I would cut the maternity leave and take it earlier. (now). Have your husband take a parental leave when you have to return to work. He needs to shoulder this, too, and your back problems will ease off when the baby arrives. Work on dropping extra weight and getting massages. Also there is a pain numbing shot you can get into your spine nerve for back pain - have you checked that out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly cannot work then your doctor can write a note for disability leave. You don’t need time off to prepare for the baby..that’s one weekend. I’d be super pissed if the plan with my partner was that they’d continue to work and they just up and quit.

I will look into disability.

In DC there is an unpaid medical leave by the doctor's note. It's administered by DC PFL and the employer is obligated to keep your position for you. I took a week off work when I had a surgery you should be able to do the same to get medical treatment for your back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.