Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

Your friend is nuts. That stuff can go on a pile on a dresser—extra in a closet.

I worked until the day of birth for both kids.

My first I had almost zero. I had a bassinet, a breast pump, some bottles and pacifiers, diapers and three outfits and swaddles. I did not even buy a crib or furniture until after the birth. Oh yeah, I had a car seat. It took less than two hours to organize this. I literally bought everything online from my iPhone after the baby was born. This takes hours to prep for a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

He’s not a physician or a pyromaniac.

FIRE=Financial independence Retire Early. It means grinding and saving as much as possible now.

This is popular among male physicians, who are often burnt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

why are you still maintaining the house? Hire helo for a few months to clean, cook and prepare the nursery if he doesn't It's still less expensive than just quitting job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

So I would cut the maternity leave and take it earlier. (now). Have your husband take a parental leave when you have to return to work. He needs to shoulder this, too, and your back problems will ease off when the baby arrives. Work on dropping extra weight and getting massages. Also there is a pain numbing shot you can get into your spine nerve for back pain - have you checked that out?

I’m not willing to do that. I would have to go back to work by 8 weeks. Nope. J want to be home at least 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

Oh. My friend said it was a must. A place to keep postpartum supplies, nursing items, and extra diapers and wipes.

Your friend is nuts. That stuff can go on a pile on a dresser—extra in a closet.

I worked until the day of birth for both kids.

My first I had almost zero. I had a bassinet, a breast pump, some bottles and pacifiers, diapers and three outfits and swaddles. I did not even buy a crib or furniture until after the birth. Oh yeah, I had a car seat. It took less than two hours to organize this. I literally bought everything online from my iPhone after the baby was born. This takes hours to prep for a baby.

Well she found it helpful to have pads and all the postpartum stuff in a cart. She would use it for the baby too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

So I would cut the maternity leave and take it earlier. (now). Have your husband take a parental leave when you have to return to work. He needs to shoulder this, too, and your back problems will ease off when the baby arrives. Work on dropping extra weight and getting massages. Also there is a pain numbing shot you can get into your spine nerve for back pain - have you checked that out?

I’m not willing to do that. I would have to go back to work by 8 weeks. Nope. J want to be home at least 4 months.

If the choice is just quitting now (and loosing paid leave) and take maternity leave early and at least having 8 paid weeks, then the solution is obviously to take the leave now. Get paid for it. Then decide on quitting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

He’s not a physician or a pyromaniac.

FIRE=Financial independence Retire Early. It means grinding and saving as much as possible now.

This is popular among male physicians, who are often burnt out.

My husband isn’t a physician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

So I would cut the maternity leave and take it earlier. (now). Have your husband take a parental leave when you have to return to work. He needs to shoulder this, too, and your back problems will ease off when the baby arrives. Work on dropping extra weight and getting massages. Also there is a pain numbing shot you can get into your spine nerve for back pain - have you checked that out?

I’m not willing to do that. I would have to go back to work by 8 weeks. Nope. J want to be home at least 4 months.

That makes no sense - you are thinking of quitting anyway.

[Anonymous]

You can't just make one sided decisions..and this is a terrible time to quit your job. Do you really think you're going to find a new right now? Please be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

why are you still maintaining the house? Hire helo for a few months to clean, cook and prepare the nursery if he doesn't It's still less expensive than just quitting job

I maintain my house because I’m an adult and we’re not slobs. We have a cleaner that comes every two weeks but we still have to

I want to cherish the moments of getting the nursery together. The nesting should be a special bonding time. I don’t want to hire that out.

I only cook every other day and we order out on the weekend. We eat a lot of leftovers. We don’t make enough to afford a chef.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

You need to consult with a good spine doctor for pain: it's surely medicated with a short in your back and only takes one appointment. It releases the pain for months.

I’m not comfortable with medication while pregnant. No anti-inflammatories or injections.

Doctors should make judgement not you on that. The local numbing is safe for the baby

I disagree. It’s my body and my choice. A random doctor doesn’t get to decide that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't just make one sided decisions..and this is a terrible time to quit your job. Do you really think you're going to find a new right now? Please be real.

Yes. I’m a nurse practitioner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you take a few days of sick leave to give yourself a break and re-set a bit? Can your work offer any accommodations that would have you less on your feet?

My main concern with quitting is that you'll be giving up your paid leave and exchanging it for 6-9 months totally unpaid. So if there's a compromise position, I'd look really hard to find it.

I need my sick leave for my leave. I already took off a week and can’t take more unless I cut my maternity leave short.

My work can’t accommodate me less on my feet. My job is physical.

So I would cut the maternity leave and take it earlier. (now). Have your husband take a parental leave when you have to return to work. He needs to shoulder this, too, and your back problems will ease off when the baby arrives. Work on dropping extra weight and getting massages. Also there is a pain numbing shot you can get into your spine nerve for back pain - have you checked that out?

I’m not willing to do that. I would have to go back to work by 8 weeks. Nope. J want to be home at least 4 months.

That makes no sense - you are thinking of quitting anyway.

I will see what I want to do after I talk to my boss. Maybe I will take leave now and then quit. I plan to find a new job anyway so I can work part time after I return back to work.