Quitting my job without dh support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will help setup big items but will leave the organizing to me because I’m much better at that stuff. I don’t think most husbands care about organizing postpartum stuff or baby clothes.

Ok, but if most husbands saw their spouse IN PAIN and overwhelmed and struggling, they would take on some of that work.

It's cool if you want to be a SAHM and you are financially positioned to do so. But I agree with the folks saying that your communication needs some work - the fact that your husband doesn't have your back plan-wise even though finances aren't an issue - and that you don't know how to talk to him about it - is a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you truly cannot work then your doctor can write a note for disability leave. You don’t need time off to prepare for the baby..that’s one weekend. I’d be super pissed if the plan with my partner was that they’d continue to work and they just up and quit.

I will look into disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will help setup big items but will leave the organizing to me because I’m much better at that stuff. I don’t think most husbands care about organizing postpartum stuff or baby clothes.

Ok, but if most husbands saw their spouse IN PAIN and overwhelmed and struggling, they would take on some of that work.

It's cool if you want to be a SAHM and you are financially positioned to do so. But I agree with the folks saying that your communication needs some work - the fact that your husband doesn't have your back plan-wise even though finances aren't an issue - and that you don't know how to talk to him about it - is a big red flag.

He will help me but we haven’t touched any of our gifts yet. They have been sitting in the nursery for a week.

I don’t want to be a SAHM. I will go back to work once I have my baby. I just want to quit now to make it easy for me.

[Anonymous]

What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

[Anonymous]

Just take FMLA or a leave of absence, then reassess later after birth. No reason to finalize quitting now. keep all options open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

[Anonymous]

I would not as you have some paid maternity leave so why leave money on the table. But, I would ask Dr for proof that you need medical leave now and see if you can begin that.

Even if like you said, it eats your maternity leave, who cares, as if you quit you won’t have it anyway.

I know exactly how you feel as I had debilitating sciatica pain with pregnancy#1 and did quit right about 31 weeks! The difference is that we knew I was going to sah so it was just moved up by 8 weeks. We still talked about it but my dh could also see how much pain I was in.

Thinking back, for me, it was my long-commute to my professional job. I did try and temp for a bit just to stay busy. I had maybe 2-3 assignments and then couldn’t even do that.

When dc was about 18 mos, I knew I wanted to go back to my field and was extremely lucky that my network was such I could do. Worked part time for many, many years ( and took another 18 mos with our 2nd dc.)

Your post brought up memories- not sure if I helped you! Wishing you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not as you have some paid maternity leave so why leave money on the table. But, I would ask Dr for proof that you need medical leave now and see if you can begin that.

Even if like you said, it eats your maternity leave, who cares, as if you quit you won’t have it anyway.

I know exactly how you feel as I had debilitating sciatica pain with pregnancy#1 and did quit right about 31 weeks! The difference is that we knew I was going to sah so it was just moved up by 8 weeks. We still talked about it but my dh could also see how much pain I was in.

Thinking back, for me, it was my long-commute to my professional job. I did try and temp for a bit just to stay busy. I had maybe 2-3 assignments and then couldn’t even do that.

When dc was about 18 mos, I knew I wanted to go back to my field and was extremely lucky that my network was such I could do. Worked part time for many, many years ( and took another 18 mos with our 2nd dc.)

Your post brought up memories- not sure if I helped you! Wishing you well.

DH just randomly told me that he is okay if I want to quit. He thought about it and he will support whatever decision want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What field are you in? That may affect whether this makes sense

I’m a nurse practitioner.

New poster. I figured you were a nurse. I DH a physician, maybe IM or EM? Is he into FIRE?

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you not first see what is available as an accommodation or short term disability or unpaid FMLA?

I can only take short term disability two weeks before my due date. I’m used unpaid fmla as part of my maternity leave. I get 6 weeks paid leave and the rest is unpaid.

That hasn’t happened yet. Take the leave you need now to heal. Don’t quit becuase you tweaked your back and need to buy things for the baby. He’s right that you’re not thinking clearly.

+1. Defer the decision to quit. If you are in pain, you should be able to get a doctor’s note to take leave. Even if you run out of paid, you can take unpaid later right?

Organizing baby items is like… a weekend or two at the most. You do not need to quit in order to do that. Put that rationale aside as it makes your case weaker.

I can’t. I have only been at this job for 8 months and I don’t think I can take all that time off.

We have to setup the nursery. Unbox everything. Wash. Sterilize. All the things. My husband isn’t good at that stuff and doesn’t plan to help me do any of it besides putting together the crib.

Yeah you need to nip this attitude in the bud, pronto. Even if you’re the one who’s into organization and want to take the lead on that, he can still do the unboxing, washing, sterilizing. Heck, if you are truly immobile, he can even organize things under your direction.

I think I misrepresented my situation. I’m not immobile. I’m in pain but I still work and still maintain our house. It’s really hard some days because I’m in a lot of pain.

My husband will help unbox and put furniture together. He doesn’t care about putting together a postpartum cart or organizing clothes and stuff. He will help if I ask but it’s not his first thought to do any of it.

No one needs a “postpartum cart,” OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your incomes? How much do you have saved? How much do you contribute? Will you be sitting around all day or being active in the household?

Him: $340k
Me: $175k

Savings: $543k. This isn’t including retirement, investments, and remained fund.

We save my salary. I don’t contribute financially each month but I cook and maintain our home. He does what he can but I take on the bulk.

I already maintain the home and don’t have any plans to quit or slow down. I will still cook and clean.

What do you do with your salary, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not as you have some paid maternity leave so why leave money on the table. But, I would ask Dr for proof that you need medical leave now and see if you can begin that.

Even if like you said, it eats your maternity leave, who cares, as if you quit you won’t have it anyway.

I know exactly how you feel as I had debilitating sciatica pain with pregnancy#1 and did quit right about 31 weeks! The difference is that we knew I was going to sah so it was just moved up by 8 weeks. We still talked about it but my dh could also see how much pain I was in.

Thinking back, for me, it was my long-commute to my professional job. I did try and temp for a bit just to stay busy. I had maybe 2-3 assignments and then couldn’t even do that.

When dc was about 18 mos, I knew I wanted to go back to my field and was extremely lucky that my network was such I could do. Worked part time for many, many years ( and took another 18 mos with our 2nd dc.)

Your post brought up memories- not sure if I helped you! Wishing you well.

DH just randomly told me that he is okay if I want to quit. He thought about it and he will support whatever decision want to do.

Sure he did op . I got to say I'm impressed with you're commitment to make up allthese scenarios that just magically get resolved