Great guy but sex is mediocre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

I actually do get to judge- in fact anyone can judge your lackluster, very boring sounding sex life that you need to add name calling to in order to get wet. You seem like you can barely string a coherent sentence together- are you drunk?

DP...wtf?

That Pp is just VERY threatened by a woman who is obviously totally comfortable in her own skin and with her sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Good advice.

Terrible advice. Completely off-mark about female sexuality and reasons why some women like rough sex or bdsm. Also, BDSM and role play is not equal to "rough'. I am kinky but I need gentle pressure all around my body and feeling hopeless in his hands, but hate rough "pounding" and hair pulling

Women like to be tied up, their neck held tight, pressed into bed during the act because it's very primal, they felt like that as babies in craddle, and also brain section responsible for the pain is close to the section responsible for pleasure in some people.

Sexuality is what you are born with, not getting from porn.

If this was true men would like the same exact stuff. The reality is a lot of this is cultural conditioning from porn and what women think men will find hot, then their sexuality becomes wired along these lines and it's the only way for them to feel attractive. They become porn brained and unable to connect and be vulnerable during sex, which is what is really "hot" and erotic

No men wouldn’t want the exact same stuff because they get O differently than women. Women are receiving partners and it entails some degree of domination in itself, reaching to certain areas, holding her in certain ways. You know sh..t

[Anonymous]

There are some prudes. I am another woman who loves very physical sex, including dirty talk, spanking, etc. I am a very physical and athletic woman who loves to be dominated to get it on. For the record, I did not grow up with porn. I am Gen X and grew up with one Playgirl magazine hidden in the house by my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Good advice.

Terrible advice. Completely off-mark about female sexuality and reasons why some women like rough sex or bdsm. Also, BDSM and role play is not equal to "rough'. I am kinky but I need gentle pressure all around my body and feeling hopeless in his hands, but hate rough "pounding" and hair pulling

Women like to be tied up, their neck held tight, pressed into bed during the act because it's very primal, they felt like that as babies in craddle, and also brain section responsible for the pain is close to the section responsible for pleasure in some people.

Sexuality is what you are born with, not getting from porn.

If this was true men would like the same exact stuff. The reality is a lot of this is cultural conditioning from porn and what women think men will find hot, then their sexuality becomes wired along these lines and it's the only way for them to feel attractive. They become porn brained and unable to connect and be vulnerable during sex, which is what is really "hot" and erotic

No men wouldn’t want the exact same stuff because they get O differently than women. Women are receiving partners and it entails some degree of domination in itself, reaching to certain areas, holding her in certain ways. You know sh..t

I think PP was calling out the first PP on that baby cradle nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some prudes. I am another woman who loves very physical sex, including dirty talk, spanking, etc. I am a very physical and athletic woman who loves to be dominated to get it on. For the record, I did not grow up with porn. I am Gen X and grew up with one Playgirl magazine hidden in the house by my mom.

You’re awesome!

[Anonymous]

If the sex is mediocre I would make an attempt at first to try to rectify that issue before completely throwing in the towel.

Because intimacy is a fundamental building block of a strong + healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

DH here: to me the issue comes down to chemistry. If you have good sexual chemistry—attraction, all that little stuff—but the technique/atmosphere/etc. isn’t what you need, the issue is fixable. A lot of men are much more inhibited than they let on, or even really know themselves, and it can be hard to let go sometimes. If this is the scenario, i bet you can coax what you need out of him and he will likely be happy you did. But if you are thinking about trying to force a “no chemistry” situation, don’t, that never ends well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

DH here again: have you said this to him this explicitly? The issue is that a lot of men have been really conditioned against this kind of thing, and in some they have really internalized that, especially if they have had some difficult prior experiences. But if this is what you are talking about, i think almost all men would enjoy that once they understood that you really want that, which might take some time. Start slowly and you can seduce him into this, i bet. Not to get graphic, but if you put yourself in a seductive mode and said “i need three light spanks before we start” the next time you have sex, you might be surprised. Go slower than you want but see if there’s progress. Watch some movies like Secretary with him. If you otherwise like him, my guess is that you can turn him around, he’s probably just a bit shy. That can be fixed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some prudes. I am another woman who loves very physical sex, including dirty talk, spanking, etc. I am a very physical and athletic woman who loves to be dominated to get it on. For the record, I did not grow up with porn. I am Gen X and grew up with one Playgirl magazine hidden in the house by my mom.

Standard caveat that not everyone is the same, but: I think a lot of the domination turn on has to do with it being a way of demonstrating desire. If someone is energetically using your body for sex, it shows that person's desire in a way that's more convincing than mere words. Also, it feels good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise.

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.

How often do you watch porn?

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying.

Everyone is judging you OP.

Who posts on the internet and then says, don’t judge me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here: to me the issue comes down to chemistry. If you have good sexual chemistry—attraction, all that little stuff—but the technique/atmosphere/etc. isn’t what you need, the issue is fixable. A lot of men are much more inhibited than they let on, or even really know themselves, and it can be hard to let go sometimes. If this is the scenario, i bet you can coax what you need out of him and he will likely be happy you did. But if you are thinking about trying to force a “no chemistry” situation, don’t, that never ends well.

I'm cautious because I've spent my lifetime taking to heart the idea that I should not ever make a woman feel like she has to have sex she doesn't want. I don't want to hurt her. So, before I can let go, a woman has to be pretty explicit that she really wants to have sex, she wants to have it with me, and she wants me to be physically dominating. Which can be a problem because being so explicit can range from awkward to a turn-off for some women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here: to me the issue comes down to chemistry. If you have good sexual chemistry—attraction, all that little stuff—but the technique/atmosphere/etc. isn’t what you need, the issue is fixable. A lot of men are much more inhibited than they let on, or even really know themselves, and it can be hard to let go sometimes. If this is the scenario, i bet you can coax what you need out of him and he will likely be happy you did. But if you are thinking about trying to force a “no chemistry” situation, don’t, that never ends well.

I'm cautious because I've spent my lifetime taking to heart the idea that I should not ever make a woman feel like she has to have sex she doesn't want. I don't want to hurt her. So, before I can let go, a woman has to be pretty explicit that she really wants to have sex, she wants to have it with me, and she wants me to be physically dominating. Which can be a problem because being so explicit can range from awkward to a turn-off for some women.

Yeah I know how that goes. I think there are a lot of couples that are sort of mutually inhibited when they’d be happier in a different equilibrium. It can be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married young - he was my first/only and I was only his second. We were college sweethearts. Anyway, I think I was married 5 years before I orgasmed. I had never masturbated so I wasn’t even sure. DH must have read up or something because he figured out how to do it but I never knew what I was missing. That was 20 years ago and things are still great.

Congratulations! This is beautiful 🤩. I know 5 yrs of no orgasm is the downside, but no masturbation and being a virgin on wedding night is heavenly 😊 you have a great life…. don’t listen to the losers on this board.

[Anonymous]

I think many men have a problem with being rough. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I don’t know why some women want someone to hurt them during sex. I think it’s very weird (as a woman) and I would definitely not be comfortable with a man that wanted that kind of sex.

I think going forward you need to be very clear about what you want from the very beginning. What you want is very specific and I only think people think it’s super mainstream because of the media/porn. Because in real life-it’s just not.

You can’t stay with this person-you will never feel satisfied and they will always feel like they aren’t doing enough/aren’t doing things right.