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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you tried coaching him through improving your sex life? Is he open to that?

Some men have never received feedback and opportunity to become better lovers.[/quote]

I have and sex isn’t that good. Vanilla sex is pretty good but I’m not a vanilla kind of girl sometimes. I prefer a little rough. He tries but he’s just not that guy. He seems timid to call me names or get rough.

Great guy, otherwise. [/quote]

Genuine question but do you have a history of CSA or heavy porn usage? I find a lot of women that NEED choking or violence or lots of "kink" during sex developed their sex drives while watching porn, and are therefore always viewing themselves through a porn lense during sex. If they guy isnt throwing them around, spitting on them, etc, they dont feel the heat and passion. Whereas a lot of men who have genuine emotion and love for a woman dont want to hurt them... which makes perfect sense, logically.

A really "good in bed" person can adapt to different sexual styles, get off in different ways, and listen to their partner's preferences as well. It may not be that your partner is bad in bed, but that you are. And you might try laying off porn or unpacking when/how you developed these tendencies, and try to return your sexuality to a more honest, raw place, without the pretense of all the pornified behavior. [/quote]

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I don’t know what CSA is. I don’t like choking or any kind of violence. That’s not rough sex to me. Rough sex is just some hard pounding, spanking, hair pulling, and being called names. I like feeling dominated. No porn issue or history of abuse.[/quote]

How often do you watch porn? [/quote]

Almost never. I don’t want hardcore porn . I’ve always liked this sex. Never been abused or watch violent porn. I just live the primal feeling of being taken and dominated. No slapping, choking, violent verbal talk, no degrading, and no abuse. I like a good rough pounding, light spanking, light hair pulling, and being called a sl*t.

You don’t get to judge what others like or prefer. You seem pretty high of yourself. You also can’t play some online psychologist and think you can diagnose someone because they have watched porn. People like you are is exhausting and annoying. [/quote]

DH here again:  have you said this to him this explicitly? The issue is that a lot of men have been really conditioned against this kind of thing, and in some they have really internalized that, especially if they have had some difficult prior experiences. But if this is what you are talking about, i think almost all men would enjoy that once they understood that you really want that, which might take some time. Start slowly and you can seduce him into this, i bet. Not to get graphic, but if you put yourself in a seductive mode and said “i need three light spanks before we start” the next time you have sex, you might be surprised. Go slower than you want but see if there’s progress.  Watch some movies like Secretary with him. If you otherwise like him, my guess is that you can turn him around, he’s probably just a bit shy. That can be fixed. [/quote]

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