Staying together with an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Yuck. I would not want a man like that in my life. I would divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would very intentionally and openly redefine the marriage and let him know that I’m staying for the sake of finances and stability, but I am no longer here to love or support him as a wife. I will be seeing other people, feel free to do the same (as though he isn’t already).

Thank you - this is exactly what I've been thinking. For now, I feel like it's the only solution. Yes, I will have resentment, but I've had it for years and have learned how to deal and compartmentalize. Probably not the healthiest approach, but it works for me.

This is so sad. You’ve wasted your life.

She is trying to make the best of her situation. I've read a lot of cruel things on DCUM over the years. But this one really hits. You are one nasty, sad woman.

It’s true, though. She’s wasted her life on a man who doesn’t appreciate her. She should get out asap so she can begin fresh.

Agree. Why waste more time? OP seems pretty crushed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

I haven’t read the rest of the responses to see if anyone called you out on this but this is offensive. I’m in a similar situation and I’m not staying because I’m lazy or because I want the money - I’ve sacrificed everything including my career for nearly 20 years to support his career and support my children, including one with special needs that my husband could not/would not support except financially. My sons hate my husband and see right through him - they know exactly what I’ve sacrificed and why. It is not as easy as you seem to think and you are not the judge and jury of someone else’s reality.

Let’s pretend you had $5M in the bank in your name. Would you still be making the same choices? Be honest.

The reality is that the reason women stay with cheating/abusive husbands is almost always financial.

Your case is especially egregious if you are forcing your children to live with a jerk father who mistreats them. It is absolutely more damaging than divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

I haven’t read the rest of the responses to see if anyone called you out on this but this is offensive. I’m in a similar situation and I’m not staying because I’m lazy or because I want the money - I’ve sacrificed everything including my career for nearly 20 years to support his career and support my children, including one with special needs that my husband could not/would not support except financially. My sons hate my husband and see right through him - they know exactly what I’ve sacrificed and why. It is not as easy as you seem to think and you are not the judge and jury of someone else’s reality.

Let’s pretend you had $5M in the bank in your name. Would you still be making the same choices? Be honest.

The reality is that the reason women stay with cheating/abusive husbands is almost always financial.

Your case is especially egregious if you are forcing your children to live with a jerk father who mistreats them. It is absolutely more damaging than divorce.

This.

[Anonymous]

You need to set yourself up OP then get rid of this creep. It's that simple, but I would advise you to seek some help as to why your self esteem is so low to tolerate what you have.

[Anonymous]

Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

I haven’t read the rest of the responses to see if anyone called you out on this but this is offensive. I’m in a similar situation and I’m not staying because I’m lazy or because I want the money - I’ve sacrificed everything including my career for nearly 20 years to support his career and support my children, including one with special needs that my husband could not/would not support except financially. My sons hate my husband and see right through him - they know exactly what I’ve sacrificed and why. It is not as easy as you seem to think and you are not the judge and jury of someone else’s reality.

Let’s pretend you had $5M in the bank in your name. Would you still be making the same choices? Be honest.

The reality is that the reason women stay with cheating/abusive husbands is almost always financial.

Your case is especially egregious if you are forcing your children to live with a jerk father who mistreats them. It is absolutely more damaging than divorce.

+1
Let’s also call a spade a spade. That pp said she isn’t staying for the money, but clearly she is. Her DH doesn’t do anything now, he’s just the pay check. Which she wants. I’m so tired of these people lying about staying with these losers. Do what you want, but it’s clearly for the money, and it’s ridiculously sad to see people put a pay check above their children.

[Anonymous]

If you're not sexually attracted to your spouse and don't want a divorce .. then for heavens sake, give the other spouse permission to have sex with others. So UNFAIR otherwise.

[Anonymous]

If you’re in a good friendship/platonic marriage past your 40s, why end it? Especially if it means major financial disruption. Both my husband and I have lovers but also have a commitment to our lives together. Both of our libidos are fading, and if my current relationship ends, I don’t plan on having another partner. I wish I was still attracted to my husband and I wish he was to me, and it might develop again. Who knows. Or not. But he is the one who loves and cares for me more unconditionally, and we have shared values and hopes for our lives. Desire is fleeting no matter what. You can divorce, meet someone else and then five years later that gets stale. What is enduring is friendship. Our adult child knows about our relationship. I grew up with two “monogamous” parents who hated each other. My husband grew up with WASP parents who pretended they never had emotions. Everyone screws up their kids in different ways, so you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Basically OP just needs to listen to her gut and try to think about how she will feel in 10 years. Probably if I were 30 I would feel differently. But at 50, I would not divorce a man I love and care for because the desire has faded after many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

I haven’t read the rest of the responses to see if anyone called you out on this but this is offensive. I’m in a similar situation and I’m not staying because I’m lazy or because I want the money - I’ve sacrificed everything including my career for nearly 20 years to support his career and support my children, including one with special needs that my husband could not/would not support except financially. My sons hate my husband and see right through him - they know exactly what I’ve sacrificed and why. It is not as easy as you seem to think and you are not the judge and jury of someone else’s reality.

Let’s pretend you had $5M in the bank in your name. Would you still be making the same choices? Be honest.

The reality is that the reason women stay with cheating/abusive husbands is almost always financial.

Your case is especially egregious if you are forcing your children to live with a jerk father who mistreats them. It is absolutely more damaging than divorce.

It’s not financial, it’s mental issue and groomed/learned behavior.