Staying together with an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

This x 1000

I wish more people on DCUM put their kids first without bashing others. Those who put their kids first will at the very least, understand the OP perspective..

🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

Those are some profoundly misogynistic assumptions, there. OP never suggested that she's staying for money. For all we know, she's the major breadwinner. She's in it for her kids. Anyone who has been in or near a divorce understands how heartbreaking it is to give up 50% of the time you have with your children. If OP wants to date other people and stay married, I hope she finds someone who blows her mind in bed.

They might be misogynistic assumptions, but they are also probably true statements. Op is unlikely to be the breadwinner staying with a cheater. Use your brain here. She doesn’t care about her children - all she posted was about her friends and lifestyle! THATS what she doesn’t want to lose.

Sorry not sorry, f***ing up your kids life by staying in this type of marriage is not any better than divorce and is likely profoundly worse for them.

OP, are you staying for financial reasons?

OP Here - I work FT. But divorcing would put a major financial strain on us, so finances are of consideration (ie - we can't afford 2 separate living arrangements)

Why are you beating around the bush? Yes, you are staying for financial reasons. Not for the kids.

Not beating around the bush at all. It's absolutely about the kids and how a divorce would impact their lives. On top of that, there are financial challenges to divorcing.

As opposed to staying with a serial cheater and showing your children how little worth a spouse has? Yikes mama. Please actually think about your children. Divorce is not better than whatever f*** show you’re putting on.

I actually hope that if my children ever learn about this situation, they’ll see a mother who did everything she could to give them a stable and happy home. They are smart kids.

LOL! You are actually delusional, but we should have known from the title and OP.
First of all, it’s when they find out, not if. And if you think anyone will applaud you for debasing yourself and your marriage just so you don’t lose friends and have to work a little harder, again, delusional. Do you actually tell yourself that your kids will thank you for this? I’m not usually astonished at what people post on dcum, but this is some next level fantasy sh!t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

This x 1000

I wish more people on DCUM put their kids first without bashing others. Those who put their kids first will at the very least, understand the OP perspective..

Sock puppet 🙄
No one who actually puts their children first would be considering what op is. She admitted it’s all because she doesn’t want to lose her friends and lifestyle - aka moneyyy 🤑🤑🤑

[Anonymous]

What happens when your husband knocks up his 16 year old toy? Your children going to thank you for their new sibling? Is she going to move into your nice big family home and you can all raise the baby together?
Who is funding all of his exploits? Is that hotel room, new lingerie, diamond bracelets coming out of marital funds? What happens when he takes off for a long weekend for a nice little vacation, what do you tell the kids? Do you consider lying to your children about their father part of your big happy family facade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

Those are some profoundly misogynistic assumptions, there. OP never suggested that she's staying for money. For all we know, she's the major breadwinner. She's in it for her kids. Anyone who has been in or near a divorce understands how heartbreaking it is to give up 50% of the time you have with your children. If OP wants to date other people and stay married, I hope she finds someone who blows her mind in bed.

They might be misogynistic assumptions, but they are also probably true statements. Op is unlikely to be the breadwinner staying with a cheater. Use your brain here. She doesn’t care about her children - all she posted was about her friends and lifestyle! THATS what she doesn’t want to lose.

Sorry not sorry, f***ing up your kids life by staying in this type of marriage is not any better than divorce and is likely profoundly worse for them.

OP, are you staying for financial reasons?

OP Here - I work FT. But divorcing would put a major financial strain on us, so finances are of consideration (ie - we can't afford 2 separate living arrangements)

Why are you beating around the bush? Yes, you are staying for financial reasons. Not for the kids.

Not beating around the bush at all. It's absolutely about the kids and how a divorce would impact their lives. On top of that, there are financial challenges to divorcing.

So how does it work? The husband goes out a few nights a week to get laid while you stay at home and play board games with the kids? Are you really ready to shut down your own intimate life? What if you take a lover? Or go home with randoms on your free nights? Is husband cool with that? They rarely are once they realize how easy it is for women to find random sex. And I don't see how any of this is modeling healthy relationships for your kids.

The likelihood of any family with younger children surviving an open marriage without it leading to divorce and profound issues for the children is approximately zero.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

Those are some profoundly misogynistic assumptions, there. OP never suggested that she's staying for money. For all we know, she's the major breadwinner. She's in it for her kids. Anyone who has been in or near a divorce understands how heartbreaking it is to give up 50% of the time you have with your children. If OP wants to date other people and stay married, I hope she finds someone who blows her mind in bed.

They might be misogynistic assumptions, but they are also probably true statements. Op is unlikely to be the breadwinner staying with a cheater. Use your brain here. She doesn’t care about her children - all she posted was about her friends and lifestyle! THATS what she doesn’t want to lose.

Sorry not sorry, f***ing up your kids life by staying in this type of marriage is not any better than divorce and is likely profoundly worse for them.

OP, are you staying for financial reasons?

OP Here - I work FT. But divorcing would put a major financial strain on us, so finances are of consideration (ie - we can't afford 2 separate living arrangements)

Why are you beating around the bush? Yes, you are staying for financial reasons. Not for the kids.

Not beating around the bush at all. It's absolutely about the kids and how a divorce would impact their lives. On top of that, there are financial challenges to divorcing.

As opposed to staying with a serial cheater and showing your children how little worth a spouse has? Yikes mama. Please actually think about your children. Divorce is not better than whatever f*** show you’re putting on.

I actually hope that if my children ever learn about this situation, they’ll see a mother who did everything she could to give them a stable and happy home. They are smart kids.

No, they won’t think that. They’ll wonder why you lied to them for years.

[Anonymous]

"He's cheated in the past, I've forgiven him and we are moving forward. But, I've had no interest in having sex with him because of his past."

Op, you've got it all wrong. You haven't forgiven him if you won't have sex with him, and you've certainly not moved forward. And it doesn't sound like he was remorseful and committed to not having another affair given that you've found that weird bracelet in his possession.

You can't have a repaired marriage that doesn't include sex. He obviously still enjoys sex. How in the world could you expect him to spend the rest of his life not having sex again? That's not marriage, it's prison. You want to keep your dual incomes and your social standing as an intact married couple. But you can't have that if you're not behaving like married people, and married people have sex with one another. They ONLY have sex with one another.

You are trying to find some strange configuration in which you don't lose the things you've grown accustomed to as a wife without doing normal married person/wife things like having sex. And you're willing to let him behave like a single guy who has sex with whomever he wants to, so long as it's not his wife! Do you see how weird this is?

Face the music. Your marriage is over, as are the things that come with a UMC marriage. You're going to have to downgrade and downsize your lifestyle. Your friends won't look at you the same way anymore. Your kids won't be able to go to private colleges or keep up their expensive hobbies. But you'll all survive and be fine. I'm divorced and I earn about $150K. My ex earns about $250K. Is my current life or my future retirement as comfy as they once were? No. But I'm fine. And you will be fine too.

[Anonymous]

Why are people badgering this woman? This sort of arrangement has been going on since the beginning of time. It’s happening all around you too, you just aren’t aware of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people badgering this woman? This sort of arrangement has been going on since the beginning of time. It’s happening all around you too, you just aren’t aware of it.

😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people badgering this woman? This sort of arrangement has been going on since the beginning of time. It’s happening all around you too, you just aren’t aware of it.

THIS - Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you just don’t want to get a job lol. It also sounds like your DH has no respect for you or your family. He’s already in an open relationship, giving it freely to anyone he can. Assuming his younger plaything gave him that gross bracelet. Honestly really really gross if she’s young enough to make it swiftie-esque. You don’t actually care about it affecting the children, you just don’t want to lose your rich friends and fancy cars and house.

Just know this is the type of relationship you are modelling for your children. No respect, no caring, no truth, no self esteem. I hope you realize how badly that reflects on you both. Your sons are learning it’s totally fine to have multiple side pieces- their POS wives will never leave. And you’ll be responsible for that behavior. Your daughters are learning that they have no value if they aren’t someone’s wife, even if their husband doesn’t love them, doesn’t show them any respect and uses them.

This is why people say that “staying for the kids” isn’t actually helping. At least admit that you want to stay because you’re scared, lazy and don’t want to be alone. Don’t put your la k of self esteem on your poor children.

Those are some profoundly misogynistic assumptions, there. OP never suggested that she's staying for money. For all we know, she's the major breadwinner. She's in it for her kids. Anyone who has been in or near a divorce understands how heartbreaking it is to give up 50% of the time you have with your children. If OP wants to date other people and stay married, I hope she finds someone who blows her mind in bed.

They might be misogynistic assumptions, but they are also probably true statements. Op is unlikely to be the breadwinner staying with a cheater. Use your brain here. She doesn’t care about her children - all she posted was about her friends and lifestyle! THATS what she doesn’t want to lose.

Sorry not sorry, f***ing up your kids life by staying in this type of marriage is not any better than divorce and is likely profoundly worse for them.

OP, are you staying for financial reasons?

OP Here - I work FT. But divorcing would put a major financial strain on us, so finances are of consideration (ie - we can't afford 2 separate living arrangements)

Why are you beating around the bush? Yes, you are staying for financial reasons. Not for the kids.

Not beating around the bush at all. It's absolutely about the kids and how a divorce would impact their lives. On top of that, there are financial challenges to divorcing.

As opposed to staying with a serial cheater and showing your children how little worth a spouse has? Yikes mama. Please actually think about your children. Divorce is not better than whatever f*** show you’re putting on.

I actually hope that if my children ever learn about this situation, they’ll see a mother who did everything she could to give them a stable and happy home. They are smart kids.

No, they won’t think that. They’ll wonder why you lied to them for years.

They’ll wonder why you pretended their dad was someone he isn’t. They will at beast feel sorry for you but at worst find partners who treat them with contempt as well.

[Anonymous]

If you won't have sex, divorce or open marriage. Nothing to be gained by withholding sex, only more to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would very intentionally and openly redefine the marriage and let him know that I’m staying for the sake of finances and stability, but I am no longer here to love or support him as a wife. I will be seeing other people, feel free to do the same (as though he isn’t already).

Thank you - this is exactly what I've been thinking. For now, I feel like it's the only solution. Yes, I will have resentment, but I've had it for years and have learned how to deal and compartmentalize. Probably not the healthiest approach, but it works for me.

This is so sad. You’ve wasted your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would very intentionally and openly redefine the marriage and let him know that I’m staying for the sake of finances and stability, but I am no longer here to love or support him as a wife. I will be seeing other people, feel free to do the same (as though he isn’t already).

Thank you - this is exactly what I've been thinking. For now, I feel like it's the only solution. Yes, I will have resentment, but I've had it for years and have learned how to deal and compartmentalize. Probably not the healthiest approach, but it works for me.

This is so sad. You’ve wasted your life.

She is trying to make the best of her situation. I've read a lot of cruel things on DCUM over the years. But this one really hits. You are one nasty, sad woman.

[Anonymous]

Marriage won’t last, OP, plan accordingly.